


Soar Above The Sky

by Takodana



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Betrayal, Canon Compliant, Don't say I didn't warn you, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I did my best, Lots of Angst, More angst, No use of y/n, Poe Dameron Being a Little Shit, Pre-TFA, also not Canon Compliant, dark themes, even more angst, my favourite movie is Rogue One for a reason, sold my soul to the devil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:13:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28959270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takodana/pseuds/Takodana
Summary: From Flight School to Rapier Squadron, Poe Dameron had been a steady fixture in your early twenties.  So when he defected to the Resistance, you didn't hesitate to follow.  The war against the First Order suddenly became very real, and you struggle to maintain an appropriate relationship with your Commander.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader, Poe Dameron/You
Comments: 11
Kudos: 32





	1. Prologue

The Galactic Empire’s dark reign over the galaxy was no secret, nor was there any attempt to make it so. It was not erased from history the way they tried with the Jedi; slaughtering and burning their very memory away. Instead, their horrific deeds were spoken of on a regular basis. It was drilled into the young, impressionable minds that grew up in a post-war society in an effort to curb any thought that the Empire’s days were ‘maybe not _THAT_ bad’. To learn from the past you must remember the past, or so they say. In your opinion, it appeared as though it was damned to repeat itself. 

If you randomly selected a datafile from the New Republic Archive, there was a good chance that somewhere amongst the information the name _Rogue Squadron_ would appear. They stood out amongst the Rebel fleet not only because of Skywalker but because of their namesake. Rogue One. The last-ditch effort by a handful of Rebels to get their hands on the Death Star plans in order to destroy it. A suicide mission, made sadder by the fact that they had fully intended on leaving that planet if they succeeded. And maybe they would have if the Alliance had agreed with them that action was necessary. Action, not surrender. Maybe then the backup they so desperately needed on Scarif would’ve arrived long before hope for their extraction was lost. Maybe then a coherent, organized plan could have been contrived instead of the last-minute scramble that happened instead. Scarif, the wasteland of a planet where your very own father saw his last hour. 

You had flown there, once, if only to put the tales of your childhood into perspective. Because what else do you do on a day off? The image of the scorched planet is something that will be forever burned into your retinas. There was no safe area to land, so you had circled the obvious site of ground zero until you felt you had seen enough. The Death Star’s laser had not destroyed the planet like it had Alderaan, but left it in such a state of devastation that no life would ever set foot on it again. A thick, yellow-tinged smoky haze clung to the planet’s atmosphere, well after any remaining embers had faded out. Somewhere down amongst the rubble filled crater was the singed remains of your father’s X-Wing, reduced to nothing but ash. When the Alliance fleet had exited hyperspace and began their attack on the Empire’s ground forces, a select number of fighters had breached the entry before the shield gates were closed. He had answered the call to Scarif without an ounce of hesitation, ensuring the success of the mission, at the same time signing his own death warrant. Nobody could tell you how it happened. The only thing made clear was that he did not return that day.

You had not known your father, not even for a second of your life. The day he left your mother was 3 months pregnant, and he himself had only just found out. You sometimes wondered if any of his last thoughts had been on you. But you were also well-aware that without people like your father, who made the ultimate sacrifice for the cause, you yourself would not have had such a stable childhood in a New Republic galaxy. Your mother, while devastated, never let you forget about being thankful. She raised you entirely on her own, always finding time between your classes and her work to educate you even more on the Empire’s rise and fall and the Rebel Alliance’s efforts to bring an end to the terror and destruction once and for all. But behind it all you saw the deep sadness in her eyes, the emptiness at the loss. Every new lesson was a reminder of his sacrifice. Your very presence was a reminder of his life. And when she looked at you, really looked at you, you could feel her heart break a little bit more with every passing day. “Time heals all wounds,” she would say. “I just need some more time.”

So when it came time to decide your inevitable future career path, it was a no-brainer. At least in your mind. Your mother was not so much in agreement.

“It’s what I want to do, Mom. Why can’t you just accept that? Why can’t you be supportive of that?” You yelled, hot tears forming at the edges of your eyes. You knew she wouldn’t like it, but to hear her outright rejection at what you had chosen stung you to the core. Nothing had ever felt so right to you, so meaningful. In your opinion, your father’s death had steered you on this trajectory and there was no one in the galaxy that would be able to change your mind.

Your mother heaved a sigh, aged hands clutching tightly on her apron-clad hips. There were no tears in her eyes. But for all the anger in her voice as she argued with you, there was none there either. No, her eyes were void of any emotion whatsoever, and they had been for some time. You felt as though she lived her days out simply because she had to – her body, her mind all functioned perfectly. 

She simply was the shell of a younger woman who had everything she had ever wanted ripped from her grasp, left only with a physical reminder that once she had been happy.

“Your father always said he had a duty to ‘do what was right’, and now I am watching my only child make the same mistake,” your mother whispered, her voice cracking at the mention of her dead husband. The words were said with no malice though you couldn’t help but feel another twinge of pain. Continuing to argue with her was not going to help matters.

You broke eye contact for the first time since the fight began, and not having to look into her solemn eyes anymore made turning on your heel a little bit easier. 

You grabbed your rucksack off the floor and slung it over your left shoulder before grabbing the overstuffed duffel bag tightly in your right hand. You paused, turning your head just slightly to look over your right shoulder, though you could not meet her gaze.

“I love you, Mom. I’ll keep in touch,” you said, surprised at how strong your voice sounded despite the burning of your eyes. With that, you fisted the door lock on the wall in front of you and left your childhood home for the last time.

* * *

Flight school proved to be more difficult than you had anticipated. You didn’t struggle or barely scrape by through each simulation and exam like some others had. But you certainly didn’t have it in any way easy. While some of the other high-scoring students were able to spend their weekends partying or finding other ways of getting into trouble, you locked yourself away in your dorm room to study. You were determined to know every wire and bolt of the New Republic’s fleet. After all, you had your father’s legacy to carry on and you were damned if you were going to let it crash and burn either literally or figuratively. So while you had the friendship of your fellow students, you had inadvertently been come to known as... a little _square_.

Particularly in Wexley and Dameron’s eyes. 

Dameron. The arrogant, cocky, grade-hopping child of Shara Bey and Kes Dameron. An insanely talented pilot that had been moved forward to your final year. You were not as fond of him as so many others were, though that’s not to say you didn’t get along. You just saw him for what he was. Girls tripped over themselves at his good looks and swagger and the boys just wanted to be him.

A loud pounding at your door snapped you from your studies. You glanced up, eyes landing on the empty bed of your roommate before sliding over to the clock on your bedside table. Midnight. Late, but not so late she would already be plastered six ways from Sunday and unable to remember the passcode for your dorm. 

“Yeah?” You called, hoping maybe it was just someone making a racket in passing back to their own room.

“Just me. Could you open up?” Snap Wexley’s voice rang through the door. It was quiet but flat, bearing no indication of why he was there. 

You felt yourself give in almost immediately, cursing yourself for your rather easy going nature. You glanced down at your tank top, weighing the decision of whether or not to toss pants on over your boy shorts but ultimately forgoing it. Wexley was one of the wild ones but he was probably the most respectful. The type to never make you feel uncomfortable in his presence, never make you question the intent behind his offerings of help or company. You held him in rather high esteem despite his wayward ways, which was the only reason you were humouring him with this. Groaning, you tossed your datapad aside and swung your feet over the edge of the bed. As you made your way across the tight space you made a mental note to complain to him about how he was now responsible for your cold feet.

You thumbed the entry button, leaning heavily on your left arm as it braced against the doorframe. When the entry slid open, Wexley took one look at you and snapped his mouth shut, his lips sliding up to bare teeth and form a sheepish grin. He knew you well enough to know this wasn’t going to go over well.

“Shit, had I known we were getting a show I would’ve planned my night more accordingly,” a deeper, more sly voice chimed in from behind Wexley’s tall shoulder.

“Dameron,” was all you said. You had only spared him a brief glance before looking back at Snap with a promise of death in your eyes. He appeared to have lost the ability to speak temporarily.

“Are you going to invite us in, or... ?” Poe asked, moving around his friend to come into full view. They were both fully dressed complete with combat boots. You frowned, eyebrows pulling together as you made no move to allow them entry.

“Do I even want to know, or would it be a better defence to claim ignorance tomorrow?” You asked, looking between the two. Neither of them appeared to be inebriated so whatever they were planning was clearly not something as simple as toilet papering the Headmaster’s shuttlecraft. Not that they had been the ones responsible for that affair, at least according to the official records.

“We were just—“

"We're gonna go commandeer a couple of X-Wings and take them for a joyride." Snap interjected, cutting off whatever lame excuse Poe was going to try with you. He had started out strong, so sure of himself, before you looked at him like he had grown an extra head, and his voice trailed off.

To say your eyes bugged out of your head would be an understatement. They had done some dumb shit before, but nothing quite like this. This... was asking for expulsion. You didn’t answer him for several moments while you processed that new bit of information.

Were they insane?

“Are you kriffing insane?” Putting it bluntly was always your go-to. “Him-” Your finger jutted out towards Poe’s face at this point. He made an attempt to swat it away, but you moved it out of his reach. “-I understand. Not you, Snap. This is too much, even for you.”

At this Poe rolled his eyes, and you really weren’t surprised at that. He had the luxury of getting away with an awful lot around campus due to his family connections and his rather flawless flying ability. The New Republic wouldn’t lift a finger to discipline him beyond a verbal warning.

Wexley shrugged, though you could tell he was not fully convinced it was such a great idea. The more you fixed him with your stare, the more uncomfortable he got. He started to shift back and forth on his feet, looking anywhere but at you.

When you looked back over at Dameron, his gaze was relatively low for the level at which your eyes were at. You became suddenly aware of your bare legs, heat creeping up the back of your neck as you watched him tilt his head slightly in thought. While you preferred not hearing him speak, you’d take any stupid statement to come out of his mouth if it meant he looked you in the eye again.

You cleared your throat, and he did just that. You prayed he couldn’t read faces as well as he read an X-Wing. A sly smirk tugged at the edge of his lips and then disappeared.

You sighed, rubbing a hand over your face to give you a moment to collect your thoughts. And yourself.

“You do you. I won’t rat you out. But I sure as shit am not joining you.” You said, shaking your head in disapproval. You were never one to rat, and this was no exception. These were the people you’d be flying alongside one day when you graduated, if they ever quite reached that milestone.

Snap nodded in understanding, relief covering his features before giving you a half smile. “Didn’t think you would, honestly, but he insisted on trying.” Your eyebrows raised at that, but you didn’t reply. He gave you another quick nod before backing away from the door and turning to head off down the hall. You watched him go.

“If you change your mind...” Poe started.

“Bite me, Dameron. You’re an idiot. Just don’t get Wexley expelled.” You interjected, slamming your hand over the entry button and turning away as the door slid closed. You missed Poe’s eyes drop to your ass as it came into view, and the way he bit his lower lip in a voracious smile.

“I’ll gladly volunteer for that--!” He said quickly, just as the way shut in front of him. You pinched the bridge of your nose and gave up any thought of continuing the study session you had been in. Flicking off the lights, you crawled under your covers and closed your eyes, rubbing them in exhaustion. A million thoughts swirled through your head, but the most concerning of them laid with those two boys and their idiotic plan. Unfortunately for you, Poe _was_ good looking. He was extremely skilled in a cockpit and highly capable with almost everything else. He had a reputation for womanizing, though you were sure a majority of it was exaggerated. Blend that with political connections, an excess of arrogance and his youth – it left a sour taste in your mouth. You worked hard for everything you had and you did so with grace. So while yes, you found him attractive, you also found him... disappointing.

Unfortunately for Poe, you were right.

* * *

When you’d think back to your days at the Academy, the day that Poe Dameron stole an X-Wing in the middle of the night was the day you’d point out and say is where everything changed.

Although it hadn’t quite gone as you’d expected. Snap backed out last minute, only keeping a lookout as Poe hopped into the cockpit and fired up the engines. It went without incident, of course. The Academy only had two night staff that kept an eye on things, and Poe knew his way around an X-wing better than a woman’s body.

Wexley had radioed him to warn him they were had, but by the time Poe made it back to the base it was too late to simply sneak off into the bushes. When the Headmaster had inquired with him as to _why_ he felt the need to do something so pointless, Poe had just shrugged and simply stated, “To prove I could.”

He learned an important lesson in humility that day. While Snap was let off relatively unscathed aside from unpleasant janitorial duties, Poe had been grounded for the remainder of the semester. Any and all flight exercises were not done with his classmates in the field, but alone in the simulator. His father had barely convinced them to let him stay.

While you got to enjoy your days off through the summer months partying up your early 20’s, Poe was stuck underneath ships assisting the mechanics.

Like you said – it was the defining moment of a tremendous career.

So now, years later, when you looked through your left porthole to glance at your Commander as he hovered in his X-Wing nearby, you couldn’t help but let a proud smirk cross your features. From that day forward, Poe had worked his ass off to get back into the good graces of his superiors, and it paid off well. 

You were not disappointed when they assigned you to the Rapier Squadron along with your roommate, Karé Kun. In fact, you were relieved. Patrolling the Mirrin sector was fairly safe; however, the rival gangs were known to kick up trouble now and then. And there was the missing ships to explain. Poe and Karé were two people you fully trusted with your life and that was something you needed by your side when shit went south. Which it was about to.

“Commander, are you seeing this?” Muran’s voice crackled over the comm system. You glanced down at your dash to the flashing red light and incoming distress signal. There had been no incoming reports of any possible planned raids from either Kanjiklub or the Guavian Death Gang, so it was a little unexpected.

“Affirmative, Rapier Four,” Poe quickly replied. “Wake up, guys. Time to shine. Anyone want to place bets on who it is?"

You chuckled as you entered the coordinates into your navigation. But before you could answer, Karé had already chimed in.

"Drinks on me if it isn’t Kanjiklub."

"Drinks on Karé tonight!" Poe clapped back. A beat went by before his voice returned, his tone indicative of his rank. "It’s the Yissira Zyde reporting multiple hostiles; they’ve been boarded. We are to eliminate any circling craft before attempting to free the Zyde of those on board. Coordinates confirmed. Punch it in 3, 2, 1...”

As your X-Wing entered hyperspace, the sudden quiet allowed you to hear the blood rushing by your ears. Engaging in any skirmish always got your heart racing, and you clutched the joystick in front of you a little too hard. You took slow, deep breaths, knowing the coordinates were not far off from your original position. It would be a quick jump.

You barely had a moment after that before the beeping began, signalling your impending exit. The gang members were usually quick to flee once New Republic forces showed up, so while it was going to be the most exciting part of your day it also would probably be just as straightforward.

What you weren’t ready for was the dozens of TIE fighters scattered like flies in the airspace you exited hyperspace in. At the centre of it all was an NK-Witell class freighter, clearly already being hijacked. That was the ship that had sent the distress call. You snapped back to reality as you heard your comrades frantically conversing over the comm, questioning what the hell exactly was going on. You engaged the TIE’s, doing your best to bring as many down as you could. Dogfights were not common these days, and you could feel the panic edging in. There had been rumours for some time about displaced Empire loyalists attempting to gather forces again, but now this was confirmation. This was something the New Republic couldn’t ignore.

"Dank ferrik!" you cursed, dodging one TIE as you locked on another and fired.

Your confusion only increased as you realized the TIE’s weren’t engaging you back as hard as you expected. One by one, they began retreating, but something told you it wasn’t from your presence. As the Yissira Zyde jumped to hyperspace along with the remaining TIE’s, you let out a strangled yell as Muran’s ship exploded in the wake of the freighter’s departure.

The space in front of you was suddenly empty. Empty aside from the shattered remains of Muran’s X-Wing. You blinked hard, willing the image to disappear. He had been next to you not a moment before, and you had branched off to separate directions. Now he was gone, and the only voice on the commlink was Karé’s.

"Will somebody answer me?" she screeched, distress evident in her voice. It was silent on Poe’s end, but you could see his X-Wing out your right porthole.

"I’m here, Karé. Poe?" You questioned, eyes on his ship. Your voice quivered.

It was silent for a moment longer before he clicked in.

"Stay here. I’ll be back," he said, his voice calm and steady, and you immediately became angry.

"What? We’re not just going to sit here, Poe. We need to figure out what the kriff just happened!"

"You both will remain here until I return. That’s an order, Rapier Three!" he commanded.

You stayed silent, guilt tugging at your core. Poe had never so much as raised his voice at you like that before, or pulled rank in such a way. He never needed to. Karé was the one that replied, "Affirmative, Rapier Leader."

A second later and Poe’s X-Wing jumped to hyperspace where the Yissira Zyde had disappeared.

You and Karé sat in stunned silence the entire time Poe was gone, which was not as long as you had expected. The singed pieces of Muran’s X-Wing floated around in front of you, and you couldn’t help the stinging in your eyes as they watered. You rested your arm on the side of your cockpit and looked away, biting down hard on your fist to stem a sob. You were thankful for the distraction when Poe returned.

He found it. Inside a kriffing _Star Destroyer_. 

Your return to base was silent after he filled you in on the details. Your stomach sank at the realization that it was happening all over again. The Rebel fleet had cut the head of the snake off but a new one was growing in its place. You all agreed there was no way the New Republic could get around ignoring the obvious uprising of former Empire forces.

You were in disbelief when that was exactly what happened.

* * *

After your squad was informed of the New Republic’s intention to do nothing, you had chucked your helmet across the hangar. Not your proudest moment, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to care. It was an insult to Muran’s memory. The tears flowed as soon as you were out of view down the hall, your quiet sobs exploding to full blown hysterics once you reached your room. You didn’t care if Karé showed up in the middle of it all; you had to get it out. The grief, the anger. What was the purpose of fighting for a cause when they sat back and allowed this to happen? When inaction was an acceptable path to take after the death of a pilot and visual confirmation of a kriffing Star Destroyer?

You sat back against the cold wall of the fresher and heaved out a couple more dry sobs. Your tears had run dry and your eyes were bloodshot and sore. You felt hollow, empty. Like suddenly you no longer had a clear path to take. You had questioned the New Republic before on their blasé attitude, doubted their ability to handle a possible uprising, and even suspected possible infiltration of their higher ranks.

How had they not learned from the past? From the sacrifices made?

You now questioned your ability to continue flying for them. It no longer felt right. Your moral compass was waning. Hopelessness was creeping in to your gut and you were unable to suppress it.

You didn’t hear your door open, nor the footsteps that approached the fresher. You were lost in a state of utter despair.

So when Poe sat down next to you without saying a word, you blearily looked over at him with your bloodshot eyes. You were shoulder to shoulder, his warmth seeping into you and making you aware of just how cold you were. How long had you been sitting there?

He met your gaze but didn’t say a word. His eyes were just as haunted with grief and you knew he took the loss personally. That was one of his pilots that died under his command. It’s not something he’d ever let go of.

He reached over and grasped the back of your hand that rested on your thigh, squeezing it lightly. You shut your eyes tight and let out a shaky breath before twisting your hand slightly to clasp your fingers over his.

"I met with General Organa," he said, stopping there to assess your reaction.

You stared at him, at first confused as to what exactly he was talking about. Your mind was muddled with a million thoughts and you tried to clear the fog.

General Leia Organa. Of Rebel Alliance fame. Of the Resistance.

You shifted to sit up a little straighter, paying more attention to what he said next.

"She made a case for me to join them, join the Resistance. After today, I couldn’t say no. I’m going, leaving in a couple hours. I already talked to Wexley, and he’s coming too."

You grasped his hand tighter, knowing where this conversation was going. You nodded before he could finish, feeling fresh tears prick at your eyes but refusing to let them fall. While Poe had the irritating badboy reputation from his younger years still following him around, sitting next to you was the man you knew now as someone you’d follow to the ends of the galaxy.

"Of course I’m coming," you finally said, your voice hoarse and dry. Normally you would have cracked a joke about not letting the two of them leave without you or they’d end up getting themselves killed, but your heart just wasn’t in it.

Sensing this, Poe gave you a small smile and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to your hair.

He pulled away, moving to stand and offered you a hand up, which you took.

"Pack as quick as you can," he said, giving you a reassuring smile. He turned and headed out of the fresher to the main door. He spared you a glance. "I’m going to find Karé, and then we’re heading out."

You nodded and watched him go, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve. Your mind felt lighter at the prospect of actually making a change with the Resistance. But your heart was heavier knowing once you left the base, there would be no going back. You were defecting from the New Republic.

And that was something you could live with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Works that have inspired this one:
> 
> Rough Day by guardianangelcas  
> Something More by amiedala  
> The Art of Falling by brandyllyn
> 
> Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Ok, so I haven't written anything in over 11 years... I've always greedily enjoyed others' work. But this story started forming in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I had planned on finishing it in its entirety before posting, but I'm too eager to share it with you all.
> 
> I hope you are still with me through that bouncy prologue. There will be another time jump by Chapter 3 and then we are at present day, but it's all worth it (I think). I am trying to be as canon compliant as I can, but obviously there will be some changes and some characters moved around.
> 
> The main theme song for this work is "Yellow" by Coldplay.
> 
> If you liked it, please leave kudos! Comments are even better. They feed this starving writer.
> 
> Updates will be every Sunday at Noon (EST).


	2. I'll Swallow My Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Say Something" - A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera

Defecting from the New Republic meant leaving your X-Wing behind, the ship that had carried you for years on various missions and was as familiar to you as the back of your hand. You were annoyed that you would have to get acquainted with another starfighter, but it wasn’t like the New Republic was going to just let you take one of their own. They were angry enough about Leia stealing four of their pilots, never mind leaving Rapier Squadron depleted. It was their own fault, though, you decided. Had they listened to the dire warning Poe had delivered to them, they wouldn’t be in this situation. None of you had told anyone you were leaving. It was a hard task, considering some of those you left behind were your former classmates and friends. But the difference was that they were content. They didn’t have the desire to make risky decisions or to stir the pot. Remaining with the New Republic was safe, familiar. And if they didn’t think too hard, they were happy to believe the lies they were fed.

The shuttlecraft you were now on was just large enough to carry the extra four of you. It was clear that Leia had not planned on bringing many back with her, and fairly safe to say she hadn’t expected anyone else but Poe. But you heard no complaints from her; in fact, she had graced you all with a warm welcome and a motherly smile. It made it easy to forget that this was the same woman you had read so much about, but you knew better than to underestimate her. You knew she was only friendly because you fought for the same cause. You were sure those with the Empire had seen an entirely different side to her. She wasn’t a General by mistake.

The ship was quiet. Leia was up in the cockpit, leaving the rest of you to each other’s familiar company in the rear communal area. Snap had his head resting against the wall next to him as he sat, his mouth hanging ever so slightly open as he slept. You shook your head lightly – the man could fall asleep anywhere, anytime, almost as if on command. You envied that ability as you found yourself tossing and turning in the middle of the night sometimes. You were sure he never had that problem. 

Poe had immersed himself in a datapad that Leia had given him in the furthest corner from you, presumably full of the Resistance’s intel. He had been that way since shortly after takeoff, hardly saying a word to anyone. He got like this with work, becoming so over-involved in the information he was taking in that you could start saying some _really_ inappropriate things and even _his_ ears wouldn’t perk up. Your mind briefly wandered to the various moments he had given you attention beyond that of his official position. Poe was a flirt by nature and it was hard not to like. After all, who didn’t enjoy being made to feel good about yourself, especially coming from someone as ruggedly handsome as he was? You let go of your distaste for that behaviour as you got older. He had relaxed his lecherous ways and maturity began to finally show its existence. That, and a higher level of respect for those around him made him significantly more tolerable. But that didn’t take away any of his natural born charisma. He just didn’t talk to you like you were a drooling groupie anymore, not that you ever were. But that’s how Poe had seen every female back then.

Karé, who had been sitting beside you throughout the flight, began sliding her pointed finger back and forth in front of your face. You snapped out of your thoughts and frowned, attempting to grab the offending digit with the intent on cracking it backwards. She suppressed a laugh, the sound coming out like a snorting dog, and you whacked her in the arm instead.

“Sorry, but you were so fixated I was starting to wonder if you were going to have a seizure.” She said, raising an eyebrow in a knowing manner. Karé was well aware of what you thought of your Commander, even though you had made it clear you’d never muddle the waters like that. Getting involved with Poe would be asking for trouble on so many fronts, and you didn’t want to complicate your life like that. Keeping things as is was comfortable. It was secure. And it was unnecessary to mess with something that had nothing wrong with it.

You rolled your eyes, looking away from her. It was a moment before you spoke. “Don’t act like you don’t do the same with that one over there,” you said, nodding your head in the general direction of a now-snoring Wexley. 

Karé smirked, leaning her head back against the wall and narrowing her eyes in a seductive manner as she looked him up and down. You had no idea how she found his current position even remotely attractive. “At least I don’t pretend I don’t.”

You leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees and pressing the heel of your palms into your eyelids. You were well aware the two of them had hooked up several times on a purely casual basis. And while you fully supported it, you couldn’t equate their situation with yours. As students you tolerated Dameron, mainly because he hung out with the same people as you had. Fresh out of graduation you ended up seeing less of him as the both of you were Lieutenants assigned to separate squadrons. It was always in passing in the halls, or during meals in the mess hall. But the catcalling became less frequent, and the times you did have a chance to exchange any meaningful conversation, you had been surprised at how much he had changed. It was like he suddenly took life seriously.

It went on like that for some time. And you found yourself not only considering him a friend, but a close one at that. Without realizing it you had become a staple in each other’s lives, helped primarily by Snap and Karé’s budding relationship that had them hanging out all the time together. Finding yourself spending a Friday night with the three of them as you emptied liquor bottles and smoked spice was a new normal. And although you were unable to pinpoint when exactly you had gone from _kriffing Dameron_ to simply _Poe_ , you were sure the deep, late night conversations with him had a part to play. 

You wondered if Karé had planned those “fresh air breaks” with Snap in order to add fuel to a fire you had been unable to comprehend at that point.

A loud beeping noise woke you from your thoughts and you realized it was the warning that you were about to exit hyperspace. Karé was still gazing at Snap, who was suddenly awakened by Poe clapping his cheek as he passed by to sit down beside him. You made a point to avoid any eye contact with your Commander, should he somehow know what you were thinking about. The ship lurched, its trajectory changing as it began its descent towards the planet. You stood up from where you had been sitting the entire flight, mildly aware that your ass was numb, to walk over to a porthole to peer out. You had not been told where you were going, but the planet below looked welcoming enough. It was covered in thick jungle, large bodies of water present and you briefly wondered if it was fresh or salt based. It looked to be a fairly warm climate which you were grateful for. You didn’t bring anything heavier than a long sleeved shirt.

It didn’t take long before the shuttle was lowering its landing gear, settling easily on the landing pad just outside of a maintenance bay. Leia appeared at that time, her very presence commanding your full attention.

“When you disembark you’ll be shown around and to your assigned rooms. Please take the day to become acquainted with the base and to rest. I’ll be meeting with you all tomorrow morning to go over your assignments here with the Resistance. Welcome to D’Qar.”

* * *

It was warm on D’Qar, and you were thankful the base was built underground. It stayed cool, providing relief from the humidity that clung to the outside air. You wouldn’t complain, though. You’d much rather sweat buckets than have so much as one goosebump from the cold.

You were rather surprised to discover that here you’d be assigned your own private quarters. Back with the New Republic, only higher ranking officials – Dameron included - were blessed with those. Here, it had more to do with the number of available rooms compared to the population. The base was deceivingly large, its various hallways and rooms tunneling deeper into the earth no matter which direction you went in. You felt lost looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings, but you were sure it wouldn’t take long to get used to. There were no elevators as the entire base was on one level. At least there weren’t multiple floors to get lost on.

You had accepted the swipe key and dumped your bag in your room before leaving to go seek out the X-wings. Leia’s words echoed in your head from earlier, and you felt your stomach clench uncomfortably. It had not occurred to you before that you might not be flying with your old squad here, or even maintaining your rank. Leia made it clear to Poe in their initial meeting that his rank as Commander would follow him, but she had not said the same for the rest of you. If you had to start from the beginning...

The heat began to blanket your body shortly after you walked out onto the open tarmac, and you rolled up your sleeves. It had served you well on the shuttle in the coldness of space, but here it was only a hindrance. The X-Wings were two hangars down from where you were and you headed over to them. Your earlier feelings of worry were pushed aside at the very sight of the starfighters. Their beauty would never grow old in your eyes. There was something so elegant, yet so powerful about them. Small, reliable ships that had their own personal quirks and handled like a living organism.

One of the first things you noticed were that they were a step down from your T-85’s used by the New Republic. You had done some of your first flights in a T-70 before they had been decommissioned and replaced. Despite the downgrade, you were very much OK with the knowledge that it was the closest ship to what your father had once flown.

They were all organized in a neat fashion, segregated by colour. Mechanics were busy with their maintenance duties and repairs and you did your best not to get in their way as you got closer. The paint on one set of X-Wings was fresh, and you quietly wondered if it had anything to do with Leia’s recruitment effort today. Four black and orange ships stood tall before you, the crisp colour shining in the light. They set themselves apart from the rest, and you tried not to get excited at the possibility that one of them was going to be yours. 

As you were gazing adoringly at the starfighters, someone came up next to you and mimicked your action. “They’re real sharp, aren’t they?” She asked you, glancing out the side of her eye briefly in your direction.

You broke your gaze and turned your head to look at her. She was young, probably early to mid twenties. Pretty, blonde, and a petite build. You knew who’d appreciate that.

“They are. I love it.” You said, before introducing yourself with an outstretched hand.

She took it earnestly, clasping your hand firmly in her own. “Tallissan Lintra, but everyone calls me Tallie. I’m a Lieutenant with Blue Squadron. You came with Leia?”

You nodded, still trying to wrap you head around the fact that you were _here_ because of _Leia kriffing Organa._

No, not Leia. _Poe kriffing Dameron._

“We have some gaps to fill in our ranks, so I’m glad you came. It doesn’t feel right when you’re only flying with half a squadron.” She said. Your mind instantly went to Muran, and it must have shown on your face.

Tallie gave you a knowing look. There was no pity there, only understanding.

“I wish I could say it gets easier,” she said. “But it doesn’t. You just get better at shoving it aside and you find you can’t sleep quite the same anymore.”

You bit the inside of your cheek in thought, heeding her words as what was in store for you. The reality of the Resistance was that they engaged in far more frequent and dangerous missions than the New Republic. Dogfights were a common occurrence. Now your chances of coming back each time you left base had been drastically cut in half.

You changed the topic. “They already showed me around when I got here, but do you think you could spare some time...?”

Tallie smiled, answering right away. “Of course! It’s not every day I get to spill all the juicy details of this place.” She winked.

You decided you already liked this girl.

* * *

Tallie’s tour of the base was far more in depth than the one you had originally gotten. Her explanation of the layout made the puzzle pieces click in your head and it all suddenly made sense. There was a method to the madness.

She let you know the best hours to go to the training room (when there were fewer eyes to ogle you), the more appetizing menu choices (avoid the roasted Gizka at ALL COSTS), a couple of nice places to check out when you had the extra time (the pond located past the first ridge was the cleanest and warmest place to take a swim), and to avoid letting Porter the mechanic touch anything on your ship if you wanted to bring it back in one piece. You took in all of the information like a starving bantha and thanked her profusely when she dropped you back off at your door. She had shrugged nonchalantly, a youthful smile tugging at the edges of her lips. “I’m thankful you’re here. We’ll catch up more tomorrow, yeah?”

You nodded, bidding her farewell. Upon entering your quarters you remembered you hadn’t yet unpacked your things. Not that it would take you very long, as Poe had not given you much time to spare before the shuttle was leaving. They didn’t want to give the New Republic any extra time to intervene with your departure.

But before you decided to unpack, you wanted to update your mother on your whereabouts. You had routinely checked in with her every fortnight, letting her know how things were going and that no, your love life had not improved since the last time you spoke.

You remembered where Tallie had shown you the communications room. There was a smaller area sectioned off where personal calls were made and received. It wasn’t far from where you were, so you turned and headed back out down the hall in its direction.

The room was bustling with activity, the most you had seen since your arrival. You were pretty sure there were more officers here than anywhere else on base. You made your way along the side of the room until you saw the door you were looking for. The private space was not large, only about the size of your tiny dorm back in school. It was enough to hold two individual hologram systems separated by a divider. You sat at one after shutting the door, punching in your mother’s personal contact information you had memorized by heart. She answered on the second beep.

“Is everything all right?” She asked, her concerned face coming into view in the blue light. You figured she would wonder why you were calling sooner than you usually had. It was her natural born talent to worry about you.

“It’s a loaded question, but yeah, I’m doing OK.” You replied, feeling relief at seeing her face even if it was through a digital holo. The past 24 hours had been indescribable, how were you going to butter this over?

Ever aware of exactly when you were not being entirely truthful, she simply raised a brow at you, leaning back slightly in her seat. “Lay it on me – what’s going on?”

You were grateful for your mother in times like these. You had your differences, but she was always there to guide you with her wisdom and love. So you told her, everything. From your mission gone wrong earlier that morning, your squadron’s loss of Muran, and to your defection to the Resistance hours later. You didn’t realize how much emotion you were suppressing until you said it all aloud to someone else. She listened to it all silently, nodding here and there as you got it all off your chest. And you couldn’t help it as a single tear slid down your cheek.

“I don’t know, mom. What if I made a mistake coming here?” You let your head fall into your hands, your fingers pressing into your eyelids. There was that doubt, creeping back in.

To your utmost surprise, she didn’t agree.

“If I sat here and told you it was a mistake, I’d be the biggest hypocrite in the galaxy.” She said, a warm smile on her face as you looked up in relative shock. She tilted her head, ever so slightly, as she studied you. “Your father and I knew it was the right thing to do to join the Alliance. Did we second guess ourselves in the beginning? Of course. It’s only natural to do so, my dear. You heart has always steered you in the direction you needed to be going, and now it’s brought you here. To continue what we started. It is because of people like you that we defeated the Empire in the first place. And I couldn’t be more proud of you, even if this change of events will age me a thousand years.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that, wiping your cheek dry and leaning forward on your arms on the desk in front of you. 

“I miss you, mom.”

“I miss you too, darling.”

You needed a change of topic now. “How are things with you?”

“Oh,” she said flippantly, her hand brushing away an invisible annoyance. “You know, keeping busy. You know your uncle, he never lets me work too hard these days. But it’s a nice distraction. Keeps me sharp up here.” She pointed up to her head.

“Well, let him know I said hi. And make sure you save this code so you can reach me if needed. I’ll keep checking in like I always have, but maybe I’ll have to start doing it once a week to keep you from stressing too much.” You teased. You knew that even if you checked in every single day, your mother was going to worry about you regardless.

“I’d love that. Go get some rest, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Of course, mom. Love you.”

You mother said it back and blew an invisible kiss before the communication died out. You heart felt a little bit lighter now, and your eyes were suddenly quite heavy. It had been a long day, packing could wait until after a nap.

When you got back to your room, you flopped face first onto your bed without even taking off your boots. It was only a few breaths later that sleep claimed you.

* * *

When you jolted awake, you were completely disoriented. Where the hell were you? Why were you so stiff? What time was it?

You peeled yourself off the bed, sitting up with your feet on the floor. You blinked several times to try and get your eyes to focus. Memories came flooding back and you were reminded of everything that had happened in the last.... how many hours?

You checked the clock that was beside the bed. 

0830.

You had slept until the next morning. And you were going to be late for your meeting with General Organa.

Cursing, you stood up and kicked your boots off, tossing your clothes into the corner of the room as you hopped over to the fresher. It was the fastest and coldest shower you’d ever had. Apparently hot water wasn’t on demand, but you didn’t have the time to wait for it. It certainly woke you up, however.

You rooted through your duffel bag and grabbed the first items of clothing you could and threw them on. You swiped a brush through your wet hair and left it down to air dry as you pulled your boots back on. You checked the clock again, thankful you had five minutes to spare to get down to the conference room. It was next door to the communications hub, so you knew it wasn’t far.

When you got there, all eyes turned your way as you walked in, and you realized you were the last one to arrive. Poe was the gracious one to point that out.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were still coming.”

You shot him a half-hearted glare, unable to help the small smile that crept up to your lips as he smirked back at you. You weren’t known for being tardy, so it was a rare occasion for him to take advantage of.

Leia stood at the far side of the circular table in front of you. Poe was to her immediate right, with Karé and Snap sitting side by side just to your left. You grabbed a seat to your right, far enough over that you could have everyone in your central field of vision.

“Thank you all for coming,” Leia said, clasping her hands in front of you. “I know you must be tired from yesterday.”

Well, not you, you were pretty sure you had slept for a solid 15 hours straight.

“This will be quick. First, I want to say that Poe will retain his title as Commander and will control the X-Wing operations.” You already knew that, but you supposed it was a way for her to get straight to the topic. You were suddenly nervous, not having a chance before now to remember you were worried about what would become of you here.

“He will also take command of Black Squadron.”

Your eyes widened at that, your gut instinct from the day before being right. Those ships were freshly painted in honor of its newest members. You suppressed your excitement, keeping your appearance calm and composed.

Leia saying your name then made the sweat start to form on the back of your neck. “You are Karé will retain your title as Lieutenant, Wexley is promoted to Captain of Blue Squadron.”

You looked over at Karé grinning, although a little surprised Wexley wouldn’t be joining Poe. Perhaps Leia saw the same as what the New Republic did – those two would just operate better if they were separated.

“Black Squadron will consist of Commander Dameron, Karé, and our own Lieutenants Iolo Arana and Jessika Pava.”

You felt your heart sink deep into a black pit, a wave of nausea rolling over you. Confusion etched across your face. And Poe was looking right at you, as if expecting your distressed response. But try as you might, you couldn’t read the expression on his face. You just stared back.

You barely heard Leia as she continued, but your name drew your attention back to her. “You’ll join Captain Wexley as part of Blue Squadron, along with Lietenants Tallissan Lintra and Yolo Ziff.”

All you could do was give a small nod, looking down at the table. You had no right to question the General’s decision, regardless of how much you disagreed with it.

You didn’t hear Leia dismiss the meeting. It was the movement from Karé and Snap as they stood up that made you realize Leia had already made it through half the room before you abruptly stood out of respect as she exited. 

You looked over at the two of them and bristled at their looks of pity. You couldn’t deal with that right now. So you left without saying anything.

As you reached the doorway you heard a quiet _“Shit”_ from behind you.

You walked briskly through the hallway, making for the entrance bay to get some fresh air. The more you thought about it, the more pissed off you were getting. Why would she split up a squadron that had been in the cockpit together for years? That knew how to read each other both through flying style and through the comms? This was not how it was supposed to go.

You liked and respected Snap well enough, and Tallie had made an instant impression on you, but that wasn’t anything you had an issue with. You were going to be starting from scratch, not just with a new ship, but now an entirely new crew.

You were so immersed in your thoughts that you hadn’t heard the quick footsteps catching up to you. A hand rested on your shoulder and you jumped a bit, spinning around to see Poe standing before you.

“You know it’s a good thing you didn’t join infantry, you’d never hear someone sneaking up on you.” He said, trying to lighten the mood. You didn’t appreciate it.

He nodded in understanding at your irritated expression, dropping the half assed attempt at cracking a joke, and put his hands on his hips.

“Look, I get it that-“

“Do you, though?” You butted in, cutting him off sharply. Your hands balled into fists, feeling any patience you might’ve had waning. You foolishly didn’t care if you were overstepping your bounds. “I mean, _you’ve_ retained your title, _you_ have your own squadron. _You_ didn’t lose a _thing_ coming over here. It was all wrapped up in a neat little bow for you, wasn’t it? _Commander Dameron._ ” You spat. Later on you would question if you were too harsh, but right now you didn’t care.

“I get it.” He said more firmly, taking a step closer and leaning in towards you. He fixed you with a stare.

“I don’t get to question the General’s decisions either, you know.”

You bristled. “ _You_ have the authority to make recommendations. You know damn well she would’ve taken your opinion into account. Did you even try?”

Poe’s mouth parted ever so slightly, his eyes darting back and forth between yours. He didn’t reply, seemingly searching for what to say.

“Did you even want to?” You whispered, your voice cracking at the end. You felt hot tears well up in your eyes but you fought tooth and nail to stop them from falling. You wouldn’t cry, not here, not in front of him. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

Poe pressed his lips together in a firm line, looking away from you into the distance. His brow was furrowed in thought, his dark brooding features striking in the early morning light.

You swallowed, looking away from him. And there it was. A deep feeling of something you hadn’t felt in years, not since you were back at the Academy. Disappointment in him. You focused on watching a cargo shuttle being unloaded in the next bay as you spoke again.

“I know I’m outspoken, I know I’ve questioned your decisions in the past. Disrespected your rank over me. Challenged your authority. But I thought at least you trusted me.”

At this, Poe’s pained expression looked back at you. You could see it out of the corner of your eye.

“I do trust you.” He said softly. “I trust you with my life.”

You steeled yourself. You couldn’t let his gentle tone change how betrayed you felt by this.

“You trust me with your life, but not enough to follow your orders, is that it?” His gaze hardened. You nodded. “Loud and clear. Excuse me, I should go report to Captain Wexley.”

You didn’t give him a chance to respond, not that he looked like he wanted to anymore. That last jab had pushed some buttons, the ones you knew exactly how to mess with. 

As you walked away, you were unable to see how his gaze followed you until you were out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Works that inspired this one:
> 
> Courage by OopsFanfiction  
> Earning My Wings by warqueenfuriosa
> 
> YES, this chapter is early! But I couldn't help myself. I completed Chapter 4 last night and decided to post this one so you all had a little more to go on until the next update. Which may or may not be this Sunday still. It depends on how many more chapters I finish before that day. I want to have as many finished as I can before I post more so that if I have any sort of delay in life, I can continue updating on schedule.
> 
> Next chapter is present day. Bear with me, everything will pick up soon.


	3. Wearing A Warning Sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you should see me in a crown" - billie eilish

**2 Years Later**

Flying with Blue Squadron had been hard to get used to at first, but you begrudgingly did your best to make the transition as smooth as possible. Snap was easy to work under as he plenty of talent for his position but he also highly respected, and often asked for, his pilots’ approval. He was more than capable to handle his leadership position. But at the end of every mission, it was an unspoken request on his end that reassurance of a job well done by you guys was well appreciated. It was cute, you thought. It made him human.

Your crew was on standby today, something that was becoming more and more infrequent as the rise of the First Order had really started to take shape. Still, the New Republic refused to do anything about it. They gave their silent approval of the Resistance’s activities but offered no help. Leia often sent an envoy on multiple occasions to plead with the Senate for action, but it always fell on deaf ears. They even went so far as to call her a warmonger at one point. How that woman met so much disappointment but continued to push on was beyond you. Although, if the First Order were to be brought down, it was going to take as much firepower as one could get.

You looked over at Tallie as she climbed up a rock in the centre of the pond, water droplets falling off of her as she stood up. The sun was high, beating down on the small clearing with no reprieve. It was an absolutely gorgeous day out, so it was only appropriate to spend it in the most relaxing way possible. 

“You coming back in or are you planning on cooking yourself over there?” She called out.

You chuckled, stretching yourself out even more on the white sandy beach. You rested your head back against the ground as you gazed up at the bright blue sky. There was hardly a wisp of wind or a cloud in sight. You let your eyes slide shut as you soaked in the rays, ears catching the sound of Tallie taking another dive into the crystalline waters.

Around you, the quiet noises that emanated out of the jungle were soothing, lulling you into a snooze. So it was obvious when they cut out, an eerie stillness suddenly surrounding the small clearing. You hardly had time to pull your brow into a frown and crack an eye open before a low-flying X-Wing came barreling by, thick black smoke pouring out of the rear end of it. The engines roared loudly, disrupting the peaceful silence that had preceded it. You startled, jumping up and spinning around to watch it disappear behind the trees in the direction of the base. Three more followed behind soon after, though they were much more intact.

You glanced back at Tallie who was treading water halfway between the rock and the beach, still attempting to process what had just happened. “Whose was that?” She called out as she began swimming to shore.

“Poe’s,” You replied, quickly throwing your tank top on over your bikini and shoving your feet in your sandals. You decided to forgo your shorts, not wanting to waste extra time. You turned, tossing Tallie her clothes as she ran up to you. “Let’s go.”

You both took off down the path that led back to base as quickly as you could while wearing footwear wholly inappropriate for jungle runs. _Dank ferrik, this was my day off_ , you cursed in your head. And frankly, you didn’t have an obligation to return, but if anything was gravely wrong... well, you wouldn’t forgive yourself for choosing to stay sunbathing on a beach while a catastrophe went down. 

The path was narrow, not allowing for much error as you struggled to make your way through the dense foliage. You could hear Tallie’s footsteps right behind yours. Your lungs heaved in disapproval as you pushed on, slight panic edging its way into your thoughts as you tried to not let your imagination take hold. There was no indication that he had crashed, just the remains of the smoke trail that slowly dissipated into the atmosphere. You nearly tripped over a tree root but caught yourself before you went down.

When you broke through the treeline and the base was in front of you, you were relieved to see he had at least landed the thing. But smoke had enveloped the rear half of the X-Wing while the workers had dragged the hoses there to snuff the flames out. The acrid smell of rubber and fuel burning filled the air, causing you to scrunch your nose up in distaste. BB-8 was wheeling quickly away down towards the main hangar, beeping and trilling loudly as he went. Poe was standing nearby surveying the mess, his helmet off and held underneath his right arm as he leaned on one hip. His dark curls were dishevelled and his flight suit was half undone and tied around his waist. You jogged up to him, breathing heavily from the sprint that you were highly unprepared for. Pilots weren’t required to run marathons, and you weren’t one for voluntary exercise. You had to brace your hands on your knees as you bent over, catching your breath. Maybe your cardio could use some help.

He turned slightly when he heard your footsteps, eyeing you up and down. You ignored him.

“What are you wearing-“

“What in hell happened?”

You both spoke at the same time. It was Poe who answered first.

“TIE’s engaged us outside Ansion. Nothing I couldn’t handle.” You rolled your eyes at that. Leave it to him to downplay things. “They were bold, though. Too bold. It’s like they don’t even care if they’re seen anymore.”

You sighed, nodding. The more the New Republic turned a blind eye, the braver the First Order got. You watched Tallie approach one of the mechanics, obviously inquiring about the potential damage. Poe was lucky the hyperdrive had remained intact, otherwise getting home would’ve posed a much bigger challenge.

“You should go without pants more often.”

You whacked him on his arm, causing him to drop his helmet on the tarmac as he laughed.

“Aw come on, can’t I get by with any teasing? I almost died, you know. Cut a guy some slack.”

You scoffed. “I thought it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle?” You raised a brow, looking over at him in a questioning glance. They had been gone for almost a week this time. A beat went by before you asked, more seriously, “You good though?”

“Yeah,” He replied, his eyes doing a double take and narrowing. He was staring at your cheek. “You aren’t, though.”

You frowned, raising a hand to where his eyes were set and it drew away with blood. _What the..?_ You must’ve hit a branch or something on your run back. As the adrenaline began to wear off, you could feel the stinging start.

“Come on, I’ll help you with that.”

Your mouth dropped open as you started to object, but he held a hand up to stop you. “It’s fine, it’ll give me some time before I have to go tell Leia Black One is down for repairs... Again.”

A chuckle slid past your lips. You relented.

“All right, fine. Let’s get going.”

* * *

Poe’s room was identical to yours. Everyone on base had the same amenities available to them regardless of rank. BB-8 was already on his charger when you got there, soot dusting his normally white and orange markings. He’d need a cleaning later.

“Have a seat, I’ll be a sec,” Poe said before disappearing into the fresher and closing the door.

The shower turned on, and you grumbled _a second, my ass_ before pulling your shorts on and flopping down cross legged on his bed. Being out in the sun all day had tired you out, and you almost fell asleep before the water turning off startled you back awake. The door opened and Poe exited, scrubbing a towel through his damp curls before tossing it over his shoulder. He hung his flight suit on a hook by the door, leaving him only clothed in his boxers and a white t-shirt.

You sat back up, shifting your position to lean back against the wall behind you with your legs still stretched out on the bed while you waited. He was holding a small white container in his hands as he approached and sat down on the mattress by your hip. The bed shifted under his weight. He was close enough you could feel the warmth radiating off him, smell the soap he used in the shower moments before. It was distracting.

“You know, you could’ve left the shorts off.”

“Poe.”

He sniggered, setting the box down on the bedside table and raising the lid up. Inside were a few various sizes of gauze, two different kinds of tape, and antiseptic. The basics. He saturated some gauze in a saline solution and began rubbing at your right cheek. It stung.

“Better to take care of this properly, there’s some nasty bushes out there that can cause crazy adverse reactions. One of the guys was banging that cute electrician girl-“

“Poe.”

“It’s relevant to the story! Anyway, they were – having _fun_ – out in the bush and he must’ve been laying on something poisonous. His entire ass and ballsack were the brightest shade of purple I’ve ever seen-“

“Ok, that’s more than I need to know.”

You were laughing now, though. Poe reached up with his other hand and gripped your jaw, keeping you still. “You’re moving too much.”

You attempted to suppress the laughter, but the more you tried the harder it came. It wasn’t even that funny but you couldn’t help yourself. You were shuddering despite his hold, shoulders heaving as you squeezed your eyes shut in an attempt to stop. Tears leaked from under your eyelashes. Suddenly, a sharp pain stung your cheek. He had applied bacta spray to the cut without a warning.

“Ahh kriffing _hell,_ ” You cursed loudly. He pulled away, a satisfied smirk on his face.

“All done. You’re welcome.”

You glared at him, carefully feeling with your fingertips around the area he had just tended to. It ached now, but it was hardly more than a mild distraction.

He didn’t move from his spot as he put things back into the box and closed the lid. “Thanks, Poe.”

He clucked his tongue as he gave you a wink and stood, bringing the supplies back into the fresher. Now it was your turn to watch his ass as he walked away from you. It was a nice large, firm ass-

“I have to go report off to Leia, but did you want to meet in an hour for something to eat? I’m starving,” He called out, and you were able to raise your gaze to eye level before he turned around to face you, arms resting on the fresher’s doorframe as he waited for your reply.

“Yeah, I could eat,” You replied, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and standing. It was only a couple strides to the doorway. “Catch you in an hour then?”

“As long as Leia doesn’t lock me up for good this time.”

You made a thoughtful face as if you were considering that to be a likely option. Poe pushed you out the door and shut it.

“Good luck!” You called back. You weren’t sure if he had heard it at first. But before you stepped away you heard him pound on the door once in acknowledgement.

Sometimes you could be a pain in the ass, too.

* * *

You went back to your room to have a quick shower and change. It felt good to get the sand washed off, especially out of your hair. You dressed in a plain red t-shirt and black pants, slipping your boots on without bothering to tie them. You had time to spare so you dropped by the communications hub to say a quick hi to your mother, who pressed you about any new details about the First Order or who you were spending your nights with. Some things never change.

When you got to the mess hall Poe was already there with Karé, Wexley, Jessika, and Tallie. A tray of food was sitting unoccupied across from Poe and you pointed at it in question as you approached. Jessika was deep in telling a recount of what had happened earlier that day. Poe nodded, looking back over at her.

“You’re forgetting I took two of them off your tail-" he started to interrupt her.

“And YOU’RE forgetting it was _me_ that alerted you to the fact that five more TIE’s showed up when you were ready to call it a done deal. You’re lucky you made it out of there with Black One intact!”

You raised your eyebrows at Poe as he waved a hand in dismissal at Jessika.

“Did you really miss five TIE’s exiting hyperspace?” You asked, rather surprised at his slip up.

Poe sighed, closing his eyes briefly in frustration. “It was just a mistake, I should’ve been paying more attention.”

“You don’t make mistakes, Dameron.”

The use of his last name grabbed his attention, you usually reserved that for when you were angry at him. But he could see the concern in your eyes. You weren’t teasing him.

“With the way things have been going lately – it seems every time we go out we end up in some kind of a skirmish – I just haven’t been sleeping as well. I wasn’t sharp today, and that’s on me.”

20-year old Poe Dameron never would have admitted wrongdoing. Character growth was a marvellous thing to behold.

“Well, with Black One down for a bit, you’ll have a lot of spare time to catch up on that,” Karé chimed in. On the rare occasions Poe’s ship was out of commission Black Squadron was grounded aside from providing backup for Blue Squadron. It would be up to Wexley now to lead out on any of Poe’s assignments. That meant you would be a lot busier in the coming days and taking on more complex missions. 

You dove into the rations in front of you, grateful for it as you realized you hadn’t had much to eat since breakfast. Swimming always worked up your appetite, and you hadn't brought any snacks with you when you had gone out.

You choked on your food when you looked up to see Snap’s arm draped around Karé’s shoulder, their faces pressed together as they swapped tongues at the dinner table.

Poe passed you a glass of water, which you took a drink from in between coughs.

“So this-" You pointed back and forth between them with your fork. “This is official now?”

Karé nodded, grinning like an idiot. You were simultaneously thrilled for her and wanting to empty the contents of your stomach in the trash can. Overt public displays of affection were never something you found endearing.

You gave her a thumbs up. 

Your appetite mysteriously gone, you pushed the tray away from you and leaned back. “Anything on deck for tonight, guys?”

The group conversed amongst itself. A few ideas were tossed out before you all agreed to grab some drinks and hit up the sparring mat. 

* * *

This was one of your favourite past-times. Getting drunk and beating the piss out of each other. You’d all wake up tired, sore, and maybe a little hungover, but there was always a good story to tell. You were already several drinks in, sitting cross-legged on the floor watching Snap and Poe go at it. Snap had the height and weight advantage, but Poe was quicker on his feet and probably a little less smashed to the eyeballs.

The ground shook when Snap fell, tripping over one of Poe’s outstretched legs, and he made no move to get back up. “That’s cheating.”

Poe shrugged, “That’s winning.”

You crawled over to where Snap laid, giggling. He was breathing heavy and groaning. You shook the bag that had been cradled in your hand, offering him some “Pretzel?”

“No pretzel. Rematch.”

You gave his stomach a friendly couple of pats. “I don’t think you’re going anywhere soon, bud.”

The bag was torn out of your hands and you looked up at the offender. When you saw it was Poe, you went to snipe them back but he ducked out of reach. “Gimmie those back!” You pouted.

Poe backed away from you, shovelling handfuls of them into his big, stupid mouth.

“They’re mine now.”

A collective _OooOooOOooo_ came from the corner that Karé, Jessika, and Tallie were still sitting in. They were each fisting an entire bottle of wine, forgoing any cups, and leaning a little too heavily on the wall behind them. Kare whispered something into Tallie’s ear, and they both giggled. You narrowed your eyes.

“Y’all better not be talking shit about me or I swear...” you said, pointing a finger at their... general direction.

“She-“ Tallie pointed at Karé. “Thinks you can’t win them back. I’m willing to take her on that bet.”

You let out a huff. You weren’t going to degrade yourself for a half bag of pretzels. At least, that’s what a sober you would have thought. A sober you that didn’t have a cocky ass Commander greedily eating your snacks right in front of you.

“Can I get in on this?” Snap groaned from his spot on the floor. He still hadn’t moved.

“Shut up, Wexley.” You quipped. “Fine. Hand the bag to them and we’ll settle this fast enough.”

The girls gasped, almost in unison, and Poe raised his eyebrows and froze. He had been halfway to eating one when you caught him by surprise. Apparently nobody aside from Tallie had any faith in you.

Shutting his mouth, he sauntered over to them, dropping the bag into their lap. “There better not be any missing when I get that back.”

You stood up, shaking out your arms as you craned your head back and forth to get any cracks out. You hopped up and down a few times on the ball of your feet, loosening up your joints as you faced him. You grabbed the excess of your t-shirt at the bottom and hiked it up, tying it in a knot around your waist. 

His eyes dropped to your bare skin that was showing, and you felt heat creep up the back of your neck. Your cheeks felt flush, but you blamed it on the alcohol. 

He raised his fists in front of himself, a dirty ass grin on his face as he motioned with his head for you to begin.

You knew his fighting style well enough to meet him in the middle, but you knew he had the strength advantage. You had bested him before just by being quicker. It didn’t happen often. Once, to be exact.

You faked to the right before trying to land a blow to his left shoulder. You missed – he blocked you easily enough. As much as you knew him, he knew you. You were both predictable.

You ducked a swing from him, using the momentum to shove your shoulder into his gut and try and knock him off balance. He braced his foot behind himself, holding his ground, and gripped you around the waist from above. He went to lift your feet off the floor to slam you down, but you twisted out of his grip before he could. You righted yourself, taking a step back for a breath. Your hair was starting to cling to the dampness on your forehead.

Poe didn’t look much worse for wear. He was enjoying it far too much.

You waited for him this time. As he came at you, you were able to dodge the hook that came from his left, but not the same elbow that reversed direction to catch you in the lower ribcage. The girls gasped from the corner. That was going to hurt in the morning. You doubled over, pushing off him so he couldn’t get you into a more compromised position while you recovered from the blow. He was starting to get an arrogant smirk on his face and it was beginning to piss you off. He knew how to egg you on and you were falling for his trap.

Pissed off from the aching throb in your abdomen and a little too inebriated for your own good, you started to get sloppy. He was catching you on hits you should’ve landed, and was giving it right back to you on ones you could’ve dodged. This wasn’t going well.

You were circling each other. You, attempting to look as if your whole body wasn’t complaining and begging you to stop. Him, greedily rotating around a dying prey.

He got you when he faked you out to the right, causing you to way overcompensate for a blow that never came. He caught you around your upper bicep, sliding his foot behind your left leg and shoving you backwards. You clutched onto him, dragging him down with you. When the stars cleared from your vision, his face was an inch from yours. The ring that normally dangled from the chain around his neck was resting in the dip between your collar bones, cool to the touch. It sent butterflies to churn in your stomach. You had dreamt of that chain hanging just the way it was right now. Both of you were breathing heavily from the effort, and your hands hadn’t let up off their grip. You tried to shift against him, but his dead weight and strong hold had you pinned.

You heard a cheer from Karé and a groan from Tallie. Poe fixed you with a victorious look. “Do you yield?”

You let your eyes drift down to his lips, hardly visible from how close you two were. The smugness slowly disappeared from his face as he saw what you were doing, his eyes darting between your own. With both of your arms trapped between your bodies, you could each feel the other’s heart beating wildly out of sync. You bit your lower lip, hooded eyes moving back up to meet Poe’s hungry ones bearing down on you. His gaze had darkened with desire that was nearly dripping off of him. You shifted your hips below him, your thigh brushing against his cock that was starting to throb unbeknownst to you. He groaned at that movement, his eyes fluttering shut.

And you saw your window of opportunity. With his grip slackening, his guard down, you used as much strength as you could and flipped him over onto his back. You followed the momentum, straddling him as you landed on top. Tallie jumped up in celebration, her arms above her head as she cheered.

His eyes had flung open, jaw slack as he was struggling to form words. “That’s cheating.”

You winked at him. “That’s winning.”

Crawling off of him, you lamented at losing the warmth from his body. It felt good, too good. Especially in your drunk haze. You walked over to the girls and plopped down, snatching your pretzels back and shoving a bunch into your mouth. Tallie gave you a high five and Karé muttered something about having to fork over her booze money again. Jessika reminded her that she still owed her from last time. 

Both of the boys were lying flat out on the mats, and you were pretty sure Snap had passed out. He hadn’t moved or said a word since the fight ended.

When you all called it a night it took Poe and Karé with Snap’s arms over their shoulders to half carry him back to his bed, the latter staying with him. You weren’t sure how he was going to function tomorrow. 

Tallie was next to say goodnight, turning down the hallway that led to her place. She was in the best shape out of all of you, despite her petite size. Jessika gave you a sloppy hug as you reached her room, and you made sure to remind her to lock the door before she went to bed.

You and Poe reached his door, and after he opened it you were about to say goodnight when he spoke first.

“What was that back there?”

You weren’t expecting him to ask about it. You thought you were in the clear when Jess had parted and you two were left alone. You certainly were not going to let him believe it meant anything more than what it appeared to be on the surface.

“That was me winning my pretzels back. What do you mean?”

He didn’t say anything, quietly examining your face as he shook his head slightly. 

“If you ever want to have a rematch of that fight...”

You held up a hand to stop him. “I will take my few and far victories with grace and decline that offer.”

He grinned, nodding. “It’s not every day I get bested by a girl.”

You knew he was trying to egg you on again, but you could feel yourself slowly sobering up.

“Goodnight, Poe.”

“Goodnight, chica.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Works that inspired this one:  
> The Bet by guardianangelcas
> 
> Chapter 6 is nearing completion. I'm excited for the story to really start moving along now.
> 
> If all goes well this week, the next update will be Thursday at 1pm EST.


	4. Trying To Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Control" - Zoe Wees

It came as no surprise to you that suddenly you found yourself in the cockpit of your X-Wing every single day. Blue Squadron not only had their own missions to attend to, but now those of Black Squadron. Poe’s ship had sustained significant damage to its turbo impeller and they were waiting on parts to fix it. The remaining crew members were on standby should you need the extra help, and Poe was delegated to the communications hub to assist your squadron as best he could. He wasn’t happy about it and you knew it ate him up inside having to stay behind while his pilots were out there endangering themselves. You didn’t mind the extra work though; it was a good distraction and brought you further out than you normally would go. Plus, the missions were far more interesting. 

Like today’s. It was one that called for Black Squadron to join you. Another Resistance pilot, Venisa Doza, had reported suspicious activity around Rakata Prime, a planet in the Unknown Regions that wasn’t exactly easy to get to. There were no plotted hyperlanes in that area. She had found it completely on accident and it required precise hyperspace jumps in order to arrive in one piece. The Galactic Barrier that divided the Unknown Regions off from the rest of the galaxy was challenging to navigate, usually only accessible with a Sith wayfinder or a Jedi star compass. However, with Venisa’s coordinates, you had complete faith in yourself and your fellow pilots to navigate it, but that didn’t stop Poe from speaking nervously into your earpiece as you prepared for your first jump.

“Make sure you all have your calculations set in proper sequence,” he said, addressing everyone at once. “We don’t need anyone getting lost or crashing into a planet because you weren’t paying attention.”

The notion of entering the wrong numbers and ending up who-knows-where while the others were successful was embarrassing enough that you had your astromech droid recheck the order. The last thing you wanted was to have to admit to Poe you had fudged such an important undertaking. The thought of him disappointed in you made you nauseated.

Your R2 unit beeped quickly at you, reassuring you that everything was inputted correctly. Snap reaffirmed your squadron’s readiness and the jump to hyperspace was greenlit by Command. You punched it, grabbing onto your joystick a little too hard out of habit.

That familiar eerie silence met you once again, the stars blazing past in a white blur. You had jumped at the exact same moment as two others, and their ships were visible directly in front of you as you waited out the ride.

It was a little while later when the familiar beeps disrupted the silence and you exited lightspeed. You only had to travel a short distance while sublight to the next jump off point, and while doing so the droid moved on to the next calculations. Your ship jumped again. This went on for some time, and after the fifth jump you knew you’d be exiting at Rakata Prime. 

All seven ships made it in safe order. The comms clicked on again with Poe’s voice confirming everyone’s arrival, and you began your descent closer to the planet’s surface.

The mission was an investigation as to whether or not the First Order was establishing a base here. The Resistance pilot that had been here last reported seeing intense construction occurring in a valley that was mostly hidden from view unless you were directly over it. She had fled before more detail could be obtained; concerned about blowing her cover had it turned out to be the enemy forces.

As you broke through the cloud cover you could see it was a fairly basic terrestrial planet, with thick forest cover and high mountain peaks. A few sparkling bodies of water stretched over the surface, so clear that when you got closer you were able to see the various sea creatures swim below the surface. You noticed there was very little amount of grassland present, the planet mostly covered by treed areas. It would make hiding a base extremely easy.

All of this was being reported by Snap back to Command. As many details as possible were being shared in the event that something did turn up.

And as you crested another mountain range, it did.

In front of you was a nearly completed base, sitting deep in a valley that was encased on all sides, and you knew right away it had nothing to do with the New Republic or anyone else for that matter.

Why?

There were dozens of TIE fighters on the landing pad, with two Imperial transporters and a Command shuttle at the front.

The deck artillery on the base was already aimed at your squad’s direction as you came into their view, and they fired without hesitation. It was as if they were already expecting you. You barely had time to react before the red jolt of light sped past your canopy, more following in its wake. Plasma cannons. _Wonderful_.

Snap’s voice was strong in your earpiece as he instructed you all to retreat back over the steep mountainside. It was a jumbled mess, with Poe cutting in demanding what exactly had just happened.

“We can confirm that First Order forces are on site and have created a base here,” Snap said, his voice tense. You had all made it over the ridge unscathed but you also all knew those TIE fighters were going to be in the air very shortly.

“Recalculate your jumps back _now,_ ” Poe commanded, his tone serious. You could only imagine how helpless he felt at that moment, realizing the squadron had been unknowingly sent deep into enemy territory. You instructed your droid to start the process. 

The squealing of TIE’s cresting the mountains reached your ears even though the roar of your own engines. Your schematics began to blare in warning. They were gaining and you’d have no choice but to hold them off until the jump could be safely made. Your mind was fixated on one thing, though.

“Commander, there’s a high-ranking officer on site. We will have to engage these TIE’s for now, permission to target the base as well?” You requested, knowing full well that you were asking for a lot.

“No, get as far away from it as you can right now. What makes you think there’s anyone noteworthy there?” Poe asked, and you could sense his honest confusion.

“There’s a command shuttle sitting down there. Upsilon-class.”

They weren’t common, and you knew Poe knew that. If one was present, your assumption would be correct. Someone important was at the base, and you wanted to take them out.

“Noted, Blue Two. Continue away from the base until your jumps are calculated. Only engage the TIE’s as needed until you can get out of there.”

You wanted to punch something but there were no options in your tight cockpit. The TIE’s were on your ass at that point, so you had to let it go. “Understood, Commander.”

You control panel blared as shots were fired just past your X-Wing. You began evasive manoeuvres in an effort to get them off your tail for a bit, but they were just as sly. Your comm was buzzing with everyone talking at once, warning each other and requesting backup. It was an absolute clusterfuck, but so far only TIE’s had been shot down.

They outnumbered you two to one, but your talented squad was able to continue to navigate their way out of reach. With the right pilot, X-Wing’s were superior to the TIE’s, although part of you desired to fly one of them sometime. 

Your R2 unit beeped in glee as he confirmed the jumps sequence was set. You let Snap know this, and everyone else soon followed with the same verification. You all could get the hell out of there now.

Just as Command greenlit your exit, and half the squadron had jumped, you watched in horror as Tallie’s ship was hit.

“My thrusters are gone!” She said in a panicked voice, and you could see the thick plume of smoke pour out behind her as her X-Wing slowly descended. She was barely able to control it.

TIE’s were still on your ass. Jessika and Karé were the only ones left with you and Tallie, who was rapidly descending towards the planet’s surface.

“Jess, Kar, can you get these assholes off our tails while I go with Tallie?” You asked, looking ahead to try and figure out where she could try and put the ship down. There was no open area without a tree except for a lake.

“You got it. We’ll keep them busy,” Jess replied. 

“Blue Two, get her out safely if you can, but get yourself out first if you’re too compromised.” Poe’s voice floated through the comm, ever the professional, but you knew damn well he was barely keeping it together.

“Affirmative.” Was all you replied, and if he knew you at all, he knew it was just a formality on your part. You were bringing her back one way or another.

It was only a few moments later when you felt the pressure from the TIE’s fade off, until it was just you and Tallie together.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Tallie said, her voice shaking. You couldn’t blame her.

“Tal, you’re gonna have to put her in the lake, wait as long as you can but eject before the water catches your nose or you’ll be caught in the rotation,” you instructed, keeping your ship aligned with hers. You looked over through your canopy window; she was close enough you could see her.

“Oh yeah, great, like there isn’t some kriffing monster under that surface waiting to _eat_ me.” You couldn’t help a chuckle at her quick wit, intact even in the face of potential death. You weren’t sure how this was going to go. She had a very narrow window to get through to survive.

The shoreline went by underneath you, and you looked over at her again, steeling yourself for possibly the last time you’ll ever speak to her. “You can do this, Tal. You’re a better pilot than me. Just get out safely, and I’ll come get you.”

She didn’t reply, but you watched as she looked over at you through her own canopy and raised her hand, fingers bending in an ‘I love you’ gesture. If you had had time, you would’ve broken down.

A short second later, she ejected from her X-Wing just before it hit the surface of the lake. The ship broke into pieces upon impact, scattering over the crystal clear waters. Tallie was out of your view now, and you circled back around to get a visual again. In doing so, you watched as one of the other girls blew the last TIE to smithereens. You smiled – small victories and all.

You caught sight of Tallie’s parachute descending along the shoreline, a little ways out from the beach. With no threat left in the air, Poe commanded they leave. It was unspoken amongst you all that that would leave you with no aerial protection should more come, but you knew Poe couldn’t risk more ships going down.

You watched Jess and Karé make the jump, thankful they were safe.

Tallie made contact with the surface and you whipped your starfighter back around again, bringing it down to land on the beach. You were out of your seat before your canopy had completely opened, jumping down from the cockpit to the sandy footing below. You could see Tallie in the water, hunched over and standing far too tall above the surface for how deep it should’ve been there. She was hardly moving.

You ripped your helmet off and tossed it down before running into the water towards her. The level only slowly rose as you got further out, and you realized there was no drop off as there should have been. When you finally got to her, Tallie was breathing hard.

“You alright?” You asked, sliding her arm over your shoulders as you slowly helped her stand up. She cried out in pain, her other hand clutching her ribcage. 

“Y-yeah,” she stammered, short of breath. “I think I broke a couple ribs, and my right foot is numb.”

Judging by the way you could see her right foot twisted at an abnormal angle, you suspected far worse than that. You thanked the stars for adrenaline in that moment.

“Okay, good. Not bad. Could’ve been worse. At least nothing ate you, right?” You tried to lighten the mood. Surprisingly, it worked, although the small laugh that drew from her lips also made her double over in pain. Her foot might have been saved from her noticing how bad it was, but the jarring on her ribs was too much. “Ok, no jokes,” you said, gritting your teeth as you half carried her back to the X-Wing. 

Getting her into it was not going to be easy. She wasn’t going to be able to climb up the ladder herself or with help. You sat her down on the beach, eyes scanning the blue skies for any black dots, but there was nothing in sight. The only noise was the light splashing the waves made as it rushed up the sand.

You grabbed your helmet and put it back on, climbing back up inside your cockpit and reaching for the coil of rope behind your seat. She wasn’t going to like this.

“Ok, I’m gonna drop this rope down to you, Tallie,” you said, sticking your head over the edge of the cockpit and looking down. She leaned back, meeting your gaze. “I need you to tie it around your thighs, think you can do that?”

She nodded, her hand raising up as the rope slowly met her and pulled it down to wrap it under her legs. It was only then she noticed her foot. “Oh MY GODS MY FUCKING FOOT IS SIDEWAYS!” She screamed, completely forgetting about her task and pointing in alarm at it. You grimaced. _Shit_.

“Tallie, Tallie yes- yes your foot is broken. Please, I need you to focus. Focus, Tallie. Tie the rope around your legs,” you called down, trying to keep your voice calm for her.

She was breathing heavy and you knew she was on the verge of tears. Her hand was shaking, but she lowered it and began finishing the knot around her upper thighs. She gave you a thumbs up when it was done.

You braced yourself along the wall of your cockpit, feet up against the opposite side and the rope in between them. “You gotta hang onto that rope with both hands, ok? No matter how much it hurts.” You called down to her. “Ok, here we go.”

You pulled. It was actually easier than you expected to lift her up, and you were thankful she was such a petite woman. You continued to call out to her as you went, ensuring she was still holding on as needed. Her strained breath told you it took everything she had to follow through.

When her head came peaking over the top, you stopped, holding her in place. “Ok, can you reach up and grab the edge?” You asked, tying the rope to the side of your seat in the meantime. Tallie reached over and gripped it, letting out a gasp as she did.

You climbed over to the other side, reaching under her arms to pull her in. She cried out as you did, but you couldn’t stop. You had to get her in, and you had to get out of there.

“Ok, we’re done, we’re done.” You said as you fell back into the seat, Tallie on top of you. You closed the canopy above you both and pressed the comm button. “I’ve got her.”

You could hear the sigh of relief from Poe. “Good. Get the hell out of there now.”

You fired your engines back up, pressing the button to retract the ladder and reached around her waist to the joystick as you lifted off the beach quickly. It was a tight fit with you both, but you had to make it work.

Your droid beeped, letting you know it was good to go. You punched it, eager to get home.

The jumps went as smoothly as they had on your journey there. Tallie remained awake throughout, the adrenaline slowly wearing off as you got closer. The road home appeared to take longer because of it. She was moaning in pain, and there was nothing you could do for her but reassure her. 

D’Qar finally came into view, and you don’t think you descended on that planet so quickly before. You had requested a med crew meet you upon arrival, and you spotted their white coats and a stretcher on the tarmac as you landed. A large, wide ladder met your ship’s side, and two medics came into view. As they eased Tallie up off your lap, you told them about her injuries, making sure they were careful not to knock her foot. As they carried her down the ladder, you took a moment to take a breath, shutting down your engines. You lifted the life vest off your shoulders, pitching it in the cockpit for now. You’d grab it later.

It was only as you began your own climb out that you noticed Poe was there as well, hands on his hips, a stern expression on his face. Was he about to give you shit again? You actually hadn’t been insubordinate this time.

You faltered ever so slightly in your descent, caught off guard by not only his presence, but the mood he was projecting. Something wasn’t quite right, and you couldn’t put a finger on it. When your feet hit the ground, you took your helmet off and carried it by its chin strap as you made your way over to him.

Poe met you stride for stride, walking briskly up to you and enveloping you in a hug. If you had been surprised before, you were shocked now. It wasn’t the first hug you’d ever had from him, but it certainly was the most confusing. Your arms hung limply at your side while you gathered your bearings and then lightly wrapped around his lower waist.

“I’m so goddamn proud of you,” he murmured against your head, and you felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes. His behaviour continued to render you speechless, your brain so far off the rails you didn’t know if you were coming or going anymore.

He pulled back, his eyes scanning your face before looking over in the direction they had taken Tallie. “She’ll be ok?” He inquired, looking back to you.

“Yeah, yeah she will. Broke her foot, couple of ribs probably. Nothing she won’t completely recover from, although she might always have a hitch in her step.” You said cheekily, finally finding your voice as a grin tugged at your lips. 

You didn’t get a reaction out of Poe. In fact, he seemed even more distressed. Your smile fell and your brows knit together in concern. But before you could ask what was wrong, he cut you off. “We need to talk in private.”

You frowned, nodding silently. Your nerves didn’t like that, and a wave of nausea rolled over you. He turned towards the nearest hangar without another word and you followed, feeling the sweat starting to form on the back of your neck. You unzipped the top half of your orange flight suit and wrapped the arms around your waist, tying it in a knot. What could he possibly need to talk to you in private about? Were you being reassigned, sent to a different base? You weren’t sure if you could handle that.

You remained in step with him as he walked to the other side of the bay, turning into the empty Chief Mechanic’s office and pausing to let you go by him. You did, feeling yourself becoming paler by the minute. You were pretty sure your hands were shaking, too, but you didn’t let yourself check.

Poe closed the door softly and hesitated, his hand still resting on the handle. He didn’t look at you, didn’t move or say anything for a few moments as he stood there with his eyes closed. Finally, his hand slipped off to hang at his side, and he swallowed hard. “This isn’t easy to say, so I’m just going to say it.”

You braced yourself. This was it. You were leaving D’Qar.

“Your mother passed away earlier this afternoon.”

You froze. 

_What?_

You had spoken to her a few days ago as part of your regular check-ins. This couldn’t be right. There was some kind of a mistake, some other Resistance pilot you had been mixed up with-

“Your uncle sent a transmission to the base while you were up there.” Poe said quietly, easily reading your expression of disbelief. You began to shake uncontrollably as blind panic set in, your mind blank at the same time as running a million miles a minute. You tried to form words, tried to ask him _what happened?_ But nothing came out except for a choked sob.

And you broke down. Painfully. Completely.

You felt yourself sway on the spot and Poe moved forward to catch you gently, holding you upright as you sobbed into his shoulder. You clutched onto the front of his jacket as his warm arms enveloped you again, his deep voice whispering _It’s ok. It’s ok._ Over and over again. You weren’t even aware that your strangled cries were loud enough for the crew in the hangar to hear, nor were you able to register when Poe had spoken into his commlink over your shoulder. The pain was so overwhelmingly engulfing that you were in absolute hysterics.

So you had no idea how long you had been unleashing your devastation against his chest when more people entered the room. You didn’t even feel the jab in your deltoid, only the calming effect that began blanketing your mind minutes later. You felt your grip loosen on his jacket, knuckles aching from the strain. You tried to fight the feeling, not liking how it was overtaking your control on your body, but it was futile. Your knees buckled but you didn’t fall. Poe gripped you tight and lowered you slowly to the ground, where you quickly passed out.

* * *

Your eyes were heavy, heavier than usual. Your entire body felt like it weighed a hundred tonnes.

You could feel the mattress underneath you and you tried to remember how you got there. Every time you struggled to think it was surrounded by a thick fog. You became aware of the body next to you as you felt a hand brush lightly over your hair, pushing it gently off your forehead. Whoever it was, they were humming lowly to themselves. You forced your sore eyes to open, craning your head up to see Poe sitting above you. It was then you realized your head was in his lap.

His hand stilled and you missed the soothing contact. “Hey,” he said softly, his eyes warm as he searched yours. It was dark in the room except for a lamp on his bedside table, casting a golden glow over his sharp features. Any other time you would have admired that view, maybe even pulled his face down to yours if you felt bold enough. But your memory started to flood back, and you clenched your jaw as you worked at controlling your emotions. You felt his hand continue its ministrations. Were you really as easy to read as an open book?

“I’m sorry for the way I-” You started, but he interrupted you almost immediately.

“Don’t,” he said, shaking his head. His expression was full of pain. “Don’t.” His hand stilled again, this time to cup the side of your face in it. His thumb traced back and forth over your cheek as he spoke. “You have a right to express how you feel. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

You couldn’t help but let your eyes water, hot tears sliding down your face. He brushed one away with his thumb and you let your eyelids slide close at the feeling. “I know your pain,” he whispered.

When you looked at him again he was fighting back his own tears, nodding at you lightly. Your eyes drifted down to the chain that draped around his neck and you lifted your hand to finger the ring that hung upon it. His mother’s ring.

You felt your composure slip from under your control, and Poe pulled you in tighter to his chest as heartbroken sobs began wracking your body all over again. He began humming softly again, his voice rumbling deep in his chest that your ear was pressed to as his hand rubbed up and down your back. It was only later, when you had drifted off to a troubled sleep, that he let his own composure break for just a brief moment, a few tears sliding down his own cheeks that he swiftly wiped away.

Through the entire night, your hand never stopped clutching the ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Works that inspired this one:  
> On Falling and Flying by warqueenfuriosa
> 
> I really should stop giving out timelines for my chapters. I'm just too impatient to wait lol.  
> Chapter 8 is finished. I had a bit of a writing spree today.  
> Next update is Sunday, if not sooner...


	5. This Is The Last Straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're Not Sorry" - Taylor Swift

In the wake of your mother’s death, you had been pulled from the roster and grounded. Not that you even wanted to fly, it was the last thing on your mind. You were given permission to return home, escorted of course, to Coruscant to attend her funeral and organize her affairs with your uncle. You were numb throughout. Going through her belongings and trying to decide what to take with you was harder than you thought. You didn’t want to let any of it go, but there was too much to bring it all with you. The whole process took hours longer than it should have, courtesy of your ill-timed breakdowns and subsequent refusal to look at anything that was hers. But eventually you’d pull yourself together and begin again. It was cathartic.

As your uncle had described it, she simply went to sleep one night and never woke the next morning. As peaceful of a death that anyone could ask for. He had found her later that day when he had gone to see why she didn’t show for work or answer any calls. It made you feel neglectful, as if you somehow ought to have known. You should’ve been there for her, intervened somehow. Maybe then she would still be alive. 

You knew it was irrational to think that way. Death was a natural part of life. You just did not expect it to come for her so soon.

It depressed you knowing her heart broke, little by little, over the course of 32 years, slowly dying as it yearned for a soul that had departed from the world far too soon.

The only comforting thought you had was knowing she was reunited with your father, somewhere, wherever life continued after death. If it did.

Eventually you finished what you had come for, said goodbye for the last time at her grave marker, and bid your uncle farewell with an empty promise of keeping in touch more. You two were never close, and nothing was going to change now. If anything, it was solidifying in its nature. You doubted you’d ever speak to him again.

You left Coruscant behind, not even sparing it a glance as your shuttle lifted off to return you to D’Qar.

* * *

You were told to take time off, as much as you needed. Your friends dropped by regularly to check on you, bring you food, force you into the shower... basically do whatever they had to to ensure you were looked after. On one particularly rough night where you had refused to move for hours, declining to answer his insistent knocking, Poe had eventually relented and sat outside your locked door, strumming his guitar and singing to you as you lay on your bed crying. His deep voice echoed off the hallway and carried into your room softly, soothingly. He only stopped and retired to his own quarters when he could no longer hear your choked sobs. You were deeply grateful for their genuine concern. But after a week went by, you found yourself itching to leave your room that you had secluded yourself to. 

You had showered, changed and checked your reflection in a mirror before hesitantly leaving your room. You didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that you were out and about, but you knew it was inevitable. It was a relief, then, that when you slid into the seat next to Tallie in the mess hall, the conversation within the group had only briefly paused before resuming like normal. Tallie slipped her arm around your waist and gave a small squeeze before letting go. “Here,” she said, sliding the extra tray in front of her over to you. “I grabbed this to bring to you. It should still be hot.”

You were going to question her how she would manage to do that, broken foot and all, until your eyes landed on the scooter on the other side of the table. Instead, you smiled appreciatively, your mouth watering at the sight and smell of freshly cooked stew. You finished the entire meal in record time, listening quietly as the others conversed about the latest rumour mill floating around base.

It took you a second to realize someone had said your name, and you did a double take at Jess, who was looking at you as she waited for a reply. “Sorry?”

She chuckled. “I was asking if you were planning on coming to Snap’s party tonight.”

You blinked. Was it his birthday today? You felt bad, leaning forward slightly to look down at him from where he sat on the other side of Tallie. “I’m so sorry-“

Snap lifted a hand up to stop you, a smile on his face. “No need, I completely understand.”

You gave him a soft smirk back. “Happy birthday, big guy.”

He gave you a nod and it was only then that you saw the ridiculous party hat that sat crooked on his head. You sat back in your spot, looking over at Jess again. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Excellent!” She said, clapping her hands together. “We’re having a bonfire outside hangar six. We’ll have plenty of drinks and snacks, so just bring yourself!”

You smiled wide, feeling a twinge of contentment again for the first time in over a week. “I think I can manage that.”

* * *

While it felt good to get out and socialize again, it had drained your emotional batteries. You returned to your room after the meal, focused on getting a nap in before having to go back out and congregate again. At least there would be alcohol involved later, and that always made you more comfortable.

Your eyes landed on the leather rucksack that sat propped up in the far corner of your room, the Rebel insignia sewed into the front of it. Inside were the belongings that you had taken from your mother’s house, and you felt an itch to go through it. You hadn’t so much as spared it a glance since you came back, but your mind had finally relented in its desire to revisit it again. You grabbed it, sitting down on your bed and flipping open the top as it sat in your lap.

You pulled out two small framed photos. The first one was of you and your mother the day of your graduation. She had made the trip to Hosnian Prime for that day just to watch you walk across the stage with your classmates. Having her there meant everything to you.

The second picture was one of your father as he stood at the top of his X-Wing’s ladder, his bent arm resting on the edge of the cockpit as he looked down at the photographer. You had often wondered who had taken it, who stopped him in the middle of whatever he was doing and asked him to pose? You wished you could thank them. It was the only picture you had of him that showed you the pilot he was.

You brought the picture closer to your face and you narrowed your eyes, focusing on the emblem that was painted on the side of his X-Wing, just in front of the canopy window. It was a Corellian Banshee in flight. The bird was native to Corellia, where your father had been born and raised. An idea formed in your head, something to keep you busy until you felt right enough to fly again.

Setting down the pictures on your bedside table, you continued your rummaging. A few articles of clothing and accessories, her cookbook (not that you would get much use of that until after the war), a flowered hair brooch, and lastly – a silver chain that held the wedding rings of both your parents.

Unlike Poe, you couldn’t bear to carry them with you. Maybe one day, but for now, you tucked them away safely in the drawer beside you. That was too painful to face just yet.

You tossed the empty pack to the far side of the room, toeing off your boots and tucking your feet under the covers as you laid down. Sleep came quick, your mind exhausted. You were grateful it was dreamless.

* * *

When you woke, you turned your head to groggily look at your bedside clock. 2300. Your body had impeccable timing. It was dark out, and you knew they’d be out there by now.

You got up, changing out your clothes for ones that were slightly warmer. D’Qar was hot during the day but the cool night air tended to seep to the bone if you weren’t dressed appropriately. You sat back down on your bed as you pulled your boots on and your eyes caught the brooch. You hesitated slightly before grabbing it, turning the silver trinket over in your hands before getting up to go to the fresher’s mirror. You brushed one side of your hair back, pinning the flowers just behind your ear. It was just the right amount of dazzle without being overwhelming.

You headed up to the main hangar, tucking your hands into your pockets as you caught sight of the bonfire burning a bit further down. Everyone was already there but it didn’t look like it had been going long. When they saw you approach, Karé and Jess jumped up as they called your name and enveloped you in a group hug as you reached them.

“I’m so glad you made it! Here-” Jessika said, reaching behind her to grab a bottle of liquor off the ground and magically producing two shot glasses at the same time. She shoved one into your hand and filled them both, overspilling. She clinked her glass with yours, raising it up slightly. “To us!”

You laughed, repeated it back to her and downing the amber liquid. You weren’t expecting Yavin Fireball, and you nearly spat it out before forcing it down your throat. “Kriffing hell, Jess. A warning next time might be nice.”

She winked, moving to sit back down at the fire. The heat emanating from it was inviting, so you followed her. You looked around, taking in who was all there as you poured yourself another shot, downing it a little easier the second time. 

You looked around clockwise. Karé was sitting on Snap’s lap, both listening to someone strum on a guitar as they sang some sort of folklore song. You were pretty sure his name was Beaumont, a Captain in the intelligence division. The soft music helped create the relaxing atmosphere that enveloped the group.

Poe was next to him, his head slightly bobbing along with the melody. His eyes met yours across the fire, giving you a small smile and nod. You returned them, letting your eyes linger a few moments too long before moving on.

There was a small group of people you recognized as communications officers, names escaping you. They were deep into some sort of card game, coins stacked haphazardly on the ground in front of each of them. 

Tallie was lounging on the ground by herself, feet outstretched towards the fire with her head resting back against a puffy folded blanket. Her right foot was encapsulated in a large pink cast. She had a dreamy dazed look on her face, staring up at the stars above her silently. She was high as a kite, and you were going to have to get some off her later.

The rest of the pilots were congregated together, sharing stories of their missions over the last week. From the sounds of it, not much had changed.

Conversation flowed easily between you all, and the drinks came easier. It was the break you needed in life right now. Just time to sit back, relax, and forget about all the dark things that were happening beyond D’Qar. If you pretended hard enough, you could forget about the fact that the base was a secret and you were in the midst of a galactic war.

When you felt your ass beginning to go numb from sitting for so long, you stood up and stretched. As the blood rushed to your head, you realized you possibly did that too fast as the ground spun around you and you braced yourself on your chair briefly before collecting yourself. You padded over to Tallie who remained in the same spot as earlier, her eyes closed now. You bent down beside her, tapping her cheek with your fingers to get her attention. She cracked an eye open, peeking over at you.

“I want what you’re having,” you said, laying your hand out flat and making a gesture for her to hand it over.

She grinned, reaching down into her pocket and pulling out a roll of spice and her lighter, dropping it heavily into your palm. “Anything for you.”

She dropped her hand back to her chest and her eye slid closed again, so you didn’t bother to reply. You gave her a light tap to her forearm and stood back up. You could use some alone time.

Walking away from the fire, you went up above the closest hangar, where the grassy knoll stretched over it. You put your back to the safety railing, sliding down to the soft ground. It was cooler here, away from the heat, and the colder air perked you up a bit.

You lit the roll of spice and took a deep inhale in, holding it as long as you could before slowly letting it drift out to dissipate into the air. You gazed up at the sky, taking notice to several shooting stars coming down over the planet.

“Meteor shower,” Poe said, and you jumped slightly, cursing under your breath. You hadn’t heard his footsteps approaching.

“You ever get your hearing checked?” He teased, taking a seat beside you. You glared over at him.

“You know full well we get regular exams as pilots,” you said, taking another drag.

He chuckled, stretching out his legs in front of himself and crossing his ankles. He lifted his hand up in a silent request for your joint. You obliged, holding it out for him. Being this far away from the bonfire there was no light except for what the moon gave, and you openly ogled his side profile in the cold illumination.

You didn’t bother to look away as he sat back against the railing and took a long drag from it, your eyes admiring the way his jawline sharpened even more with the action. You weren’t sure if it was the liquor or the drugs making you so bold, but you didn’t seem to care.

He caught you staring out the side of his eye, meeting your gaze. He pointed up at the stars with the joint. “The show’s up there, you know.”

You didn’t move. “Mmm, no, it isn’t.”

He quirked a brow, watching you silently. The tension was thick enough you could’ve cut it with a knife, but you weren’t nervous at all. The butterflies that normally churned in your stomach were under control. The only thing you could feel in that moment was your arousal creeping up, and you were sure your cheeks were burning red.

Poe handed you the joint back without a word, and as you took another drag his fingers moved over to finger the silver flowers in your hair, his eyes hardly leaving yours to glance at it. “I like this,” he murmured.

You blew out the smoke from your lungs quickly, smothering the joint out on the concrete base you sat against. “Is that all you like?”

His eyes snapped back to yours again, and it was like something clicked. Suddenly he was moving towards you and you were fervently meeting him in the middle.

Your lips crashed against his in a sloppy kiss, full of hunger and unrestrained desire. His hand had slid down to cup the side of your face as he angled his to deepen the kiss, running his tongue along your lower lip. You eagerly granted him entrance, slipping your own into his mouth to taste him. 

He reached over with his other hand and gripped your hip, pulling you over into his lap, your thighs straddling him just like the day you two sparred. Only this time, you were completely indulging in everything you had wanted to that day.

Your fingers buried themselves in his thick curls, tugging slightly and dragging a moan from deep within his chest. The sound drove you wild. His hands held your waist tight, one sliding down further to cup your ass in a firm grip. You grinded down against him again, this time feeling the budding erection that was starting to strain against his pants. 

You came up for air, gasping. His mouth worked its way down your neck, his teeth grazing against the tender skin over your collarbone. Your hair fell over your forehead messily as you leaned your head back to face the sky, eyes shut. The drugs in your system were making every sensation ten times more electrifying, and you could feel the heat pooling between your legs. You were desperate for more contact. 

You grinded against him again and he let out a stuttered groan, his hands gripping you even tighter before releasing their hold. You were about to protest at the loss before you felt him working at the buttons on your pants, releasing them swiftly before sliding his hand down the front of them.

The moment his hand made contact with your wet folds, you cried out in pleasure. You were so aroused it was almost embarrassing. You needed this, the distraction from everything. The physical touch. Being wanted.

“Fucking hell,” he breathed out, looking down to where his hand disappeared into your pants. “You’re so wet for me, baby.”

You couldn’t respond with anything but a moan. He was circling your clit in a perfect rhythmic motion and you could feel yourself start to coil deep within.

He used his other hand to press against your upper back, pressing you closer so he could nip at your neck. He reached around to your front, pulling your shirt down to expose your breasts. Your nipples hardened in the cold night air and he took one into his warm mouth, sucking lightly as his hand massaged the other.

You rested your chin on the top of his head, your hands gripping the metal railing that was directly behind him. You moved your hips against his hand, grinding into his ministrations.

You weren’t prepared for when he slipped his fingers lower and sunk them to the knuckle inside your cunt. You tossed your head back involuntarily, jaw dropping open silently in absolute bliss. You pulsed around his fingers, feeling yourself quickly becoming unhinged. You had wanted this for so long.

He alternated between circling your clit and burying his fingers back into you, repeating it as he felt you begin to stiffen in his hold. He took his attention away from your chest and lifted his head to look up at you.

“You gonna cum for me, my girl?” He asked, and it took all you had to let out a whimpered _yes_.

His free hand lifted to grip around the back of your head, fingers entangling in your hair as he angled your face down towards his.

“Open your eyes, I wanna see you,” he said, and you obliged, prying them open.

The moment your eyes met his, you felt that coil spring loose. There was a moment of nothing, and then the earth shattered below you. You let a strangled cry past your lips and Poe silenced you with his, working his fingers in and out of your cunt as you came around them.

As you came down from the high, stuttering in the aftershocks, you broke the kiss off to catch your breath and lean your forehead against his. You both sat there for a few moments, relishing in the afterglow. He slipped his fingers from your pants and brought them up to his mouth, sucking them clean. You watched through hooded eyes and couldn’t think of anything that had turned you on more.

Just as he pulled his hand away, the blissful silence was broken.

“Oh seven hells!”

You jolted back, flying off Poe’s lap as you angled yourself away on your knees to button your pants back up. You looked back over your shoulder at the intruder.

Jessika was standing there, hand over her eyes, frozen in shock. “Oh gods, ok. I’m just going to... turn back around...”

She fumbled around looking for the railing, gripping it as she guided herself back in the other direction without taking her hand off her face. You hoped she was drunk enough that she either wouldn’t remember this, or wouldn’t remember _who_ it was, but you knew the chances were slim. Jess was the resident gossip queen.

You let out a breath and looked over at Poe, who had a shit-eating grin on his face as he watched her leave. You whacked the side of his arm, drawing his attention back to you. “You realize the entire base is going to know what we just did?”

He raised a brow at you, biting his lower lip as he reached out to pull you closer. “I didn’t see you complaining earlier...”

You couldn’t help but grin, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips again, unable to get your fill of him. This was going to complicate the shit out of things, but right here, right now, you didn’t care.

“Should we bother going back separately or do you figure they already know?” You asked, nuzzling his nose with yours.

Poe sniggered, nodding. “They know.”

You cursed half-heartedly, ducking your head as you groaned and leaned against his chest. 

Poe untangled himself slowly and stood up from underneath you, reaching his hands down to help pull you up. “C’mon. Time to face the music.”

* * *

You would have much preferred to fly your X-Wing right up to the _Steadfast_ rather than walk back to the group around the fire. At the very least, it appeared some had turned in for the night by the time you went back. You and Poe hadn’t said another word on the way down, only your hands lightly brushing against each other’s the reminder of what had just happened.

As soon as you came into view, Karé untangled herself from Snap’s lap and jumped up, arms in the air as she came running up to you screeching like a banshee. You cringed, tensing in anticipation as she barrelled into you. “FINALLY! TELL ME EVERYTHING!”

You groaned, shushing her, not that it really helped matters. It was clear everyone present knew what transpired up on that ridge.

Karé giggled, hardly able to keep her balance as she pulled you to go sit down beside Tallie and Jess. You eyed Poe across the fire, appreciating the fact that he appeared to be brushing the guys off from their prodding questions. At least he had some decorum. You couldn’t say the same for the girls on either side of you.

“So? Was it good?” Tallie asked, giving you a sly smirk. It looked like she was having trouble keeping her eyes open. How much spice had she smoked? You weren’t that far gone.

You sighed, putting your head down into your hands. “We didn’t have sex, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Looked like that to me...” Jess piped in. You punched her thigh, eliciting a satisfying cry of pain from her. “Kriffing hell you have bony knuckles!”

“Well, it’s about time, is all I have to say,” Karé said, and you eyed the bottle of wine in her hand, mulling over whether or not you should take it away. She was going to feel that in the morning.

“This pining bullshit has been going on since the Academy. Both of you. I thought he was finally going to do something about it when he had you reassigned, but it still took him two years to muster the courage.” Her face was thoughtful. “Kinda surprised about that...”

You hardly heard the last part, your mind fixated on one part of that sentence.

“Leia reassigned me,” you simply said, your voice flat as you looked at Karé with a questioning eye.

She froze with the wine bottle halfway to her lips, her eyes widening. Her mouth gaped open as she stuttered out a reply. “Yeah, I meant when Leia reassigned you.”

“Karé...”

She ignored you, taking several deep gulps of the wine. You ripped the bottle out of her hands, chucking it over your shoulder. Tallie was oblivious to what was going on, and Jess was very interested in the blades of grass that she was nervously pulling out of the ground.

“What do you mean, when he reassigned me?”

Karé couldn’t meet your eyes. She had fixated on picking at her nails instead. You waited for her response, jaw clenched, feeling anger bubbling deep within you.

Hesitantly, quietly, she gave you the answer you didn’t want to hear.

“I overheard him speaking with Leia the day we got here. I don’t think he knew I was still in the room. When he saw that I was, he made me promise not to say anything.” She gulped. “He requested your transfer to Blue Squadron.”

You felt your heart sink to a deep, black pit. Your body went cold, shivers overtaking you as you felt pure, seething hot rage overwhelm you. You looked up over the fire to where he was standing, casually engaged in conversation with one of the mechanics.

Poe was responsible for you not being a part of Black Squadron.

Poe asked for your transfer.

Poe, the man who had moments before given you the most mind-blowing orgasm you had ever had. The one you had just opened yourself up to, giving him yourself at your most vulnerable moment.

Your mind was clouded with fury.

Karé could see the change, her hand coming up to rest on your arm in a gentle warning. She said your name softly, predicting what you were about to do. But you didn’t hear her, didn’t feel her hand gripping you in an attempt to keep you where you were.

 _To hell with it all._ You thought.

You stood up in a rush, your blood boiling as you moved around the firepit. Karé frantically called out your name, which drew everyone’s attention to you.

Poe’s conversation had been interrupted by that, and he turned to look at you as you approached. At first his eyes were soft, warm, as they took you in. But when he noticed your demeanor, his brow knit together in concern.

“What’s-“

“Did you reassign me to Blue Squadron?” You cut in, eyes blazing. You were up in his personal space, but he didn’t move away. 

His mouth opened slightly as he absorbed what you had just asked. When his eyes flickered briefly over to where Karé sat sheepishly, you knew. 

“It’s complicated-” He started.

But you didn’t let him finish. With everything that had happened lately, you couldn’t take it. The dam you had built around your fragile heart was crumbling. You had felt betrayed enough when you thought he didn’t vouch for you, but now... what you felt now was indescribable pain.

You reeled back, fist clenching tight as you put everything you had into punching him square in the face.

Poe’s head whipped to the side from the force, his hand coming up to cover his right cheekbone. Your hand was vibrating in pain from the impact, but you didn’t let it show on your face. You shook it lightly, tensing against the sharp sting. His expression was full of shock as he looked back at you.

Everyone around the firepit stood in absolute silence.

“Go to hell, Dameron.”

Without waiting for any kind of response, you turned and headed back to your room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Works that inspire this one:  
> Alabanza by brandyllyn
> 
> This was a fun chapter to write. Quite the rollercoaster of emotions happening here.


	6. Numb To The Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lay Your Head On Me" - Marcus Mumford, Major Lazer (acoustic version)

The morning after you had punched your Squadron Commander in the face, you had put your name down for a straightforward supplies run to Devaron. A New Republic outpost located there were Resistance sympathizers and were the main source of your base’s goods. It was a job far beneath your qualifications, but you knew you had to get off base as soon as you could, should you wind up giving Poe matching black eyes. Word traveled fast, so you were not surprised when Leia approved your request without question. The trip would take three days, giving you a chance to cool down a bit before having to resume your normal duties.

Your first impression of the planet was that it looked eerily similar to that of Rakata Prime, the memories of which replaying in your mind like a slideshow. The events that took place there continued to unsettle you. What high rank official had been on site that day? Why had they defended the base as if they knew you were coming? All of the communications intel that came in in the following days had not provided any answers to your questions. You found yourself suddenly waking up in the middle of the night sometimes, body covered in a cold sweat, reliving the nightmare of being caught on that beach as you tried to save Tallie.

Sleeping in a different bed while off base certainly did not help with re-orientating yourself when you woke. The job went smoothly enough, though. The officers at the outpost were friendly and welcoming, offering you words of support for the cause, and of regret for not being able to help more directly. You reassured them, making it clear that they were responsible for the base being able to function day-to-day, and that appeared to placate them. Truthfully, without support like this, you wondered how the Resistance would be able to feed their members or fix their ships. It truly was vital.

The morning of your departure, you found yourself wondering for the first time if maybe working for the Resistance off base would be a better option for you. Continuing to fly under Poe’s command was going to prove complicated, something you explicitly did not want to happen. But it was too late for that. You had given the Commander a shiner that even a blind man could not miss.

You absentmindedly rubbed your tender right hand. The sting of betrayal was still fresh, and your anxiety skyrocketed anytime you thought about it. You had been led to believe your transfer to Blue Squadron was Leia’s doing. Filling holes in their roster. Impersonal. Statistically imperative.

Instead, it was simply Poe wanting you out. After flying with you for years with Rapier Squadron, having your back as much as you had his. It made you feel incompetent.

You stood back from the Transport Shuttle as they finished loading the last of the crates inside, securing them down before bidding you save travels. You thanked them again, lifting your hand briefly in a wave as you ascended the rear-loading access ramp. You pressed the lock, turning back briefly to watch it close with a hiss and puff of white exhaust.

Left alone in the dark silence of the ship, you took a moment in the stillness to yourself. You could feel your stomach already churning into knots at the thought of returning to D’Qar.

“Dank ferrik, pull yourself together, girl,” you cursed at yourself, heading up to the cockpit to begin take off procedures. What had happened two years ago was a moot point now, and no amount of bruises to Poe’s face would change anything. You punched the coordinates in and left Devaron, feet up on the dash in front of you as you settled into a snooze.

* * *

Your return to base was uneventful. It was late, the trip back taking up the majority of the day. The runway was particularly quiet because of that, and you were relieved. Anything that was going to make the next several days go by a little easier was golden in your eyes. After docking the shuttle in hangar two and leaving the ramp open for the stores crew to unload, you quickly made your way to your quarters and settled in for the night.

The next day, your name was flipped back onto your regular roster and Blue Squadron was on standby. You noted the repairs to Black One had been completed so you were no longer taking on their assignments. That also meant Poe would not be around base as much as he had been lately. Small victories.

You had the maintenance crew pull Blue Two out of the hangar and into the sun, wanting to enjoy the beautiful weather while you went about the plan you had conjured up several days ago. That morning you had dressed in a simple black tank and jean shorts, hoping to get something of a tan considering you were stuffed into your flight suit most days. Begrudgingly, you noticed that Black Squadron was still present. Apparently there were no pressing issues at hand if they were not heading off somewhere by this hour.

Pulling down the built-in ladder, you lifted up the tubs of blue and black paint you had gotten from the supply room, setting them on top of the nose of your X-Wing. You were not exactly a gifted artist, but you were _pretty_ sure you’d be able to do this justice. Climbing up and straddling the nose, you pulled out the photo of your father and laid it down. You wanted the general design and placement of his decal to match the one you were going to attempt to paint on your ship.

Leaning slightly over the edge, you went to work, looking at the picture often to help carve out the initial outline. The process was flowing better than you had expected, the image of the bird coming together as you focused intently on getting it right. Your heart lifted slightly at the thought of your mom being proud of carrying on her artistic abilities, and then sunk at the realization that she would never see it. You swallowed hard. The last two weeks of your life had been one hell of a roller coaster.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see someone approaching. A very specific, unwanted someone.

You tensed, focusing even harder on applying detail to the bird. You pretended not to see him stop at the base of your ladder, hands on his hips as he looked up at you.

He cleared his throat, and you made no move to stop what you were doing or address his presence. You were well aware of how irritated it made him to be disregarded so frankly.

You could see him shuffle his feet slightly, breaking his gaze to glance around the area. He looked back to you, squinting his eyes against the bright sun. “Can we talk?”

You blatantly ignored him. He nodded a few times in understanding, and you thought maybe you were getting off easy.

But _nothing_ about Poe was easy.

He grabbed the bars of your ladder and climbed up, easing himself down into your cockpit so he could sit facing you. You clenched your jaw, finding it harder to ignore him while he tarnished your seat. He began fiddling curiously with the controls, his hands everywhere as he messed with your ship. You were sure he knew exactly what he was doing by going in there. It took everything you had to keep your eyes down on your painting.

“OK, you don’t have to talk. I just want you to listen,” he finally said.

Going by your current position, you didn’t really have much of a choice in that matter. Even if you wanted to get down, you’d have to climb over him to access the ladder. Not an option at the moment.

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily before continuing, leaning his head back against the seat. “Yes, I’m the reason you’re not part of Black Squadron.”

Your hand gripped the brush so tightly you were surprised it didn’t snap in half. Hearing him admit it with his own voice was like hearing it for the first time all over again. Like a fresh scab being ripped off.

The only sign you gave that you heard him at all was the slight unintentional pause in your brush strokes.

“I need you to understand I had my reasons, and they’re probably not what you think.”

At this you paused altogether, raising your head to look at him for the first time. You had not seen him since the night you had punched him, only heard from others what his face had looked like. But now, days later, it was even more satisfying to look upon. Dark purple and blue marred his left eye socket and cheekbone, with a yellow tinge surrounding it. Even his eye was bloodshot. You were pretty sure that was the best punch you had ever thrown.

You sat up straight and fixed him with a steely gaze, doing your best not to give away any emotion. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, holding the paint brush between two fingers as they rested in the crook of your elbow. “So then what were they, Dameron?” You asked, voice dripping with condescension. 

For a moment there was a look of relief on his face, as if he had expected you to continue ignoring him. But then he hesitated, only slightly, before he answered flatly. “Uh, that’s classified.”

You scoffed. You really shouldn’t have been surprised at his non-answer.

You went back to painting and he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Listen, I want to tell you, I do. But I can’t. Not right now, at least. All I can do is promise you that one day, I will. But until then I _need_ you to go with me on this.”

He was smart enough not to ask you to _trust_ him on this. 

You continued to paint, your head down and avoiding his gaze. There was nothing more you wanted to say to him.

Wordlessly, he stood up, reaching forward to place something on the ship’s hull in front of you. 

When his hand pulled away, you froze, your lips parting in a silent gasp.

In front of you lay a silver and blue badge, almost identical to the one that adorned your flight suit. With one key difference: in place of the blue dot that signified your rank of Lieutenant, it was a blue line.

A Captain’s badge.

You finally ripped your stare away from the insignia to look up where Poe had been, but he was gone. You scanned the tarmac to see him already halfway back to the hangar, and you felt fresh tears welling in your eyes.

Maybe you had him all wrong. Or maybe it was his way of apologizing.

Regardless, you decided that maybe, just maybe, staying on D’Qar could work after all.

* * *

When you finished the Corellian Banshee on the side of your X-Wing, you cleaned up your mess and instructed the maintenance crew to leave her in the sunlight for a few more hours to let the paint dry and cure properly. Karé had found you just as you were finishing up, attacking you from behind in a big bear hug as she congratulated you with glee.

“It was supposed to be a secret until you knew, but Snap couldn’t keep his mouth shut!” She said, releasing you from her tight hold and coming around to your front. “Granted, he only found out an hour ago that you’d be co-Captain with him, but he didn’t waste a minute in telling me.”

You couldn’t help but smile wide at her excitement. “So, he’s OK with this?” You asked, a little concerned he would have been put off having to share leadership duties.

“Of course!” Karé replied, whacking you lightly on your upper arm. “He knows how good you are. Frankly, he’s relieved he can split the work with someone else.”

You nodded. Biting your lip, you fixed her with a questioning look. “Do you know where it came from?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not sure,” she said, before eyeing your hesitant stare and reaffirming her answer. “I swear to the gods, I don’t know who was responsible for the promotion.”

You chuckled, giving her a reassuring smile that you believed her.

“So... Poe told you?” She asked cautiously and you nodded. “Does that mean… things are…? OK with you guys?”

You sighed, wiping a hand over your face before replying. “It’s not that simple, Karé. He still did what he did, I still feel betrayed. Slipping me a promotion isn’t just going to make it all go away.”

Karé grabbed your hand and threaded her fingers with yours. She pulled you away from your Starfighter and towards the jungle. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk and talk this out.”

You reluctantly let her pull you away, deciding that perhaps it was a good idea to just vent your frustrations out.

For the next hour, the two of you hiked the trails that encircled the base. You didn’t venture very far out, always within sight of it when the trees were sparse enough to let you see through them. After unloading every frustration on Karé that you had over the past fortnight, your shoulders felt lighter, and there was a little bit more spring in your step. 

Eventually, the topics of conversation moved on to lesser things. Who was shacking up with who, that sort of nonsense. Your voices had become more obnoxious as you both indulged in the current gossip. It felt good.

Until a blow to the back of your head caused stars to cloud your vision.

You fell to the ground hard, Karé’s voice floating in the air as she called your name. There was a scuffle around you, but you couldn’t tell who it was or what was happening. You were barely fighting onto consciousness.

You felt your ankle being picked up and your body dragged backwards through the bush, dirt accumulating inside your clothes. Your arms were out in front of you and in your stupor you reached for the commlink around your wrist, but it wasn’t there. The memory of taking it off while you painted you X-Wing came front and center, and you moaned in frustration.

“Hey, that one’s awake!” You heard a modulated voice say. The dragging only briefly paused before resuming.

“Yeah, hardly,” the other one said, and you used all your strength to open your eyes against the pounding headache. To your right side you could see Karé being dragged as well, but she wasn’t conscious. You couldn’t tell if she was breathing, either.

“But this wasn’t our mission! He just wanted us to confirm the location of the base.” That first voice spoke again, more panicked. The dragging stopped and you craned your head around as subtle as possible to get a look at them. Two Stormtroopers were standing there, armoured in black. _TIE fighter pilots_ , you thought.

“Look, I saw an opportunity and took it. Imagine returning to the _Finalizer_ and giving Commander Ren two prisoners to interrogate?” Your foot was dropped to the ground as the two argued, your heart going cold at the mention of that name, and you slowly reached across to Karé’s arm to feel for a pulse. You sighed quietly in relief when you found it, strong and steady.

“Someone’s gonna notice they’re missing. We were just supposed to do reconnaissance!”

The other Stormtrooper picked your foot up again and continued walking. “Yeah, they’ll find us, if you don’t help carry that one back to the ship you absolute imbecile!”

Being dragged ahead first allowed you to see the blaster strapped to Karé’s waistband reveal itself as her shirt rode up. No one knew you two were out on a walk, and there was nobody coming for you. You knew you’d only have one shot at this.

You gripped the blaster and flicked the safety off in one motion before twisting your body towards the trooper dragging Karé. You took aim and shot, hitting him dead in the centre of the chest. There was a brief pause where he stopped moving altogether, and then he collapsed to his knees hard, dropping her foot to the ground before keeling over.

You went to aim at the trooper in front of you, but he was too quick. The blaster was knocked out of your hand and he was suddenly on top of you, backhanding you hard across the face. He picked the blaster up and began pistol whipping you with it, sending stars across your vision amidst waves of pain. The skin on your cheek opened up under his blows, and you felt blood begin to pour freely down the side of your face. He stopped abruptly, and you naively thought the assault was going to end, before his fingers wrapped around your throat and squeezed.

“You slimy cunt! I was going to let you live, but after that, you can die like all the other _Resistance_ bastards.”

You couldn’t breathe. No matter how hard your lungs struggled to take air in, nothing was coming. You clawed at his arms, trying to bring your legs up to kick him off, but he was too strong. Your chest burned with the effort, the pressure building in your head as you felt yourself become dizzier as your oxygen continued to be denied.

Suddenly, it all stopped. Your airways opened and you gasped in a lungful of air, choking on the feeling of constriction that remained. You could hear voices around you, dozens of them. Someone helped you up into a sitting position, holding something soft against your face as they spoke.

With all the commotion, it took you several seconds to clue in that they were speaking directly to you. You were being shaken gently, your name repeated several times to help orientate you. As you continued to wheeze in deep breaths, your throat burning like it was on fire, you willed your eyes to focus on the deep brown ones that were staring back at you.

Poe.

You startled, reaching a hand up to grip his bicep in panic. “Karé-” You started, barely able to speak. It came out more as a cracked gasp.

“She’s ok, she’ll be all right,” he said, breaking his attention on you to say something to someone behind you. The world began to right itself and he grabbed your attention again. “Do you think you’d be able to stand with help?”

You nodded, not trusting your voice again. Poe shifted and motioned to someone behind you, who helped lift you gently to your shaky feet. His hand remained on your cheek, stemming the bleeding from the gash you must have had, and his other hand clasped yours tightly before wrapping around your shoulders to keep you steady. He slowly turned you back down the path that would lead home, taking his time beside you to ensure you weren’t rushed.

“How?” You croaked out.

“Karé activated her distress signal before they knocked her out.”

You thanked the stars for her quick action. “Dead-?”

“One of ‘em is, yeah. You got him good,” he said, and you thought you heard a hint of pride in his voice. “They cuffed the other guy and are bringing him in for interrogation.”

Your stomach flipped at that, not liking the idea of keeping such a high-risk prisoner around a secret base. What if he escaped? You wished you had been able to finish the job.

The walk back to base was long, arduous. You became steadier as you went along but your head was pounding and you were in need of some very strong painkillers. The concussion you were sure you had was going to keep you out of the cockpit for at least a couple days. You wondered who in the med bay you were going to have to bribe for a less-than-accurate medical report.

Poe had helped you there and ensured you were well taken care of before leaving with a stern expression on his face, and you knew he’d be going straight for the prisoner’s cell to have a few words. As you sat and let the doctors and nurses tend to your wounds – the one on your cheek requiring several stitches to close – you were acutely aware of the fact that in the brig not too far from where you were currently sitting was the man that had nearly taken your life with his own hands.

They kept you overnight for observation, citing the blow to your head as their main concern. While your throat was sore and bruised, your trachea had escaped being crushed and their only instruction was to rest it as much as possible.

You were thankful they kept you. It meant that there were eyes on you throughout the night and someone monitoring the med bay at all times. A temporary sense of safety so you could sleep without keeping an eye open. The sedative your nurse had slipped you sure helped as well.

The next morning, fully rested but body sore, you were discharged back to your own quarters with the condition that you check in if anything changed. They also booked you a time slot the next week to have the stitches taken out, but while you nodded along to their instructions, you knew you’d just do it yourself anyways.

Several days went by with a rather quiet calm over D’Qar. Missions were returning without incident and there was no fallout from the Stormtroopers presence. The entire base had been on edge in the immediate aftermath, all squadrons on alert, should more follow in their wake. But nothing came, and despite the reports of all clear that came in everyday, it didn’t sit well in your stomach. Maybe it was because you had been the direct target of the assault, but you were disturbed knowing that trooper was still around.

You had checked in with Karé, who was on a strict bedrest. You learned after you had hobbled back to base that day that she had sustained a more significant blow to the head. She didn’t wake for several hours, and when she did, she had remembered nothing of what happened. 

You’d bring her food and water and make sure she was taken care of, knowing full well that Snap was at her side any time he wasn’t in the middle of his duties. Duties you shared with him, albeit grounded.

You spent as much time in the communications centre as you could, listening in to the squadron’s activities as they came and went. It was good to hear their voices, even if you couldn’t be up there with them.

A week after the events, the prisoner still wasn’t talking. Flyovers of D’Qar didn’t turn up any evidence of how they got on the planet. And no matter what they did to him, he refused to give anything away. _He’s not going to break,_ you thought. They were trained for this.

So it was no surprise that Leia called a meeting of her senior officers to discuss what to do next. You were so eager for this conversation you were the first to show up aside from the General.

“How are you doing, Captain?” She inquired, her tone gentle yet commanding as it snapped you from your thoughts. Staring into her steady gaze, you knew there was no point in sugar coating things with her.

“Banged up, ma’am, but better than I could’ve been had they not gotten there so quickly.”

Leia nodded, navigating through a data pad that was laid out in front of her on the table. She glanced over to you as she paused what she was doing, a small smile creeping up her lips. “Something tells me you would’ve handled things without them anyway.”

You swallowed, faking grin and nodding at her. The moment her eyes trailed back down to her data pad your face fell. You most surely would not have had things handled. You had your shot, and you had failed. A couple more seconds and it would’ve been lights-out for you.

You were distracted from that notion when more people began filling the room, Snap and Poe amongst them. They all took their seats around the table, murmuring to each other as they got settled in.

You looked up at Poe who sat directly across from you, leaning back in his chair in a slouch as he assessed you from under his heavy lids. His gaze flickered down to your exposed neck, bruised red and purple, and you shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. You looked anywhere but at him, feeling your cheeks blazing red and exposing how badly his attention affected you.

Leia set her data pad aside and leaned her arms on the table in front of her, threading her fingers together.

“Shall we begin, then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Works that inspire this one:  
> The Night That Follows by roanniom
> 
> ....so it begins.


	7. Baby I'm Right Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dusk Till Dawn" - ZAYN feat. Sia

“So, he’s given us literally _nothing_?”

“Yes.”

“And now he’s refusing to speak to anyone?”

“That’s correct.”

“I’m sorry. I fail to see how he’s of any use to us, then. Why’s he still breathing?”

The interrogation officer you had been conversing with was taken aback, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as he stumbled for an answer. “Well, he’s a First Order pilot with an immense amount of valuable intel-”

“Intel he has no intention of giving us,” you interjected, feeling the anger bubbling precariously fast. “They got here somehow, and if he escapes, he has a way off this planet and our asses are toast. That’s too high of a risk, in my opinion.”

There were others that wholeheartedly agreed with you, judging by the murmurs of agreement and nodding heads around the table. But there were still those who were either undecided, or opposed to the idea of silencing him altogether.

Including Poe. And that infuriated you.

He held a hand up, causing a break in the chatter so he could speak. “Yes, having him here is high-risk. The gravity of that has not been understated. But the chance that we will _ever_ get an opportunity like this again, to have one of them to interrogate and possibly reveal pertinent information on the First Order…” He paused, biting his lower lip as he shrugged. “It’s worth it. At least for now. I think our men just need more time.”

“More time to talk to a brick wall? More time to let him conjure up an escape plan?”

“He’s under heavy twenty-four hour security detail.”

“By now he’s figured out the guard rotation schedule. And every time we open those doors it gives him another chance to find a way out.”

Poe sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re underestimating our officer’s abilities to keep a prisoner secured. That’s not fair to them.”

“That’s bantha shit!” Your voice was starting to elevate now, feeling any constraint you had starting to snap. “This isn’t about what’s fair. It’s reality, Poe. You really think Kylo Ren sent two generic Stormtroopers on this mission?”

At this, the room stilled. You could see Leia’s hard stare at you out of the corner of your eye, and Poe had raised his own to look at you in confusion.

“What makes you think Ren sent them personally?” He asked, brow furrowing. His dark brown eyes were boring into yours now. The tone of the discussion had changed suddenly with the mention of the First Order’s force user, and you were well aware of his parentage. You had to tread lightly here.

“While they were dragging us, they talked about delivering us back to Commander Ren directly. Had this been assigned like any other, it would’ve come down the chain of command.” You paused, your pointer finger pressing down into the table in front of you, letting your words sink in. When you continued, you voice was softer. “This was a personal order from him.”

“Why wasn’t this in your official report?” Leia asked, but her voice held no judgement.

“I handed that in as soon as I was brought back to base-” Your eyes met Poe’s again. “I had trouble recalling all the details at the time. I’m sorry, General.”

Leia brushed off your apology as she sat in thought, her hand rubbing at her chin.

The interrogation officer from earlier that you had cut off so abruptly was shifting uncomfortably in his chair now, hand raising slightly to ask the room permission to speak. When all eyes were on him, he swallowed nervously and cleared his throat. “He, uh, the prisoner- before he stopped talking, he requested to speak with you, face-to-face.”

The room was silent, so dead silent you could hear the blood rushing past your ears. Your brow furrowed in confusion. “What?”

The officer’s mouth gaped open, unsure of how to reword it. “He asked for the girl he had been assaulting-”

It was Poe’s turn to cut him off, unexpectedly, with a hand in his face. “We get it.”

Leia turned to look at you, head tilted. “Would you be comfortable with that, Captain?”

You were sure any colour had drained from your face, but you nodded.

“Good,” she said, turning to the rest of the room. “You’re all dismissed.”

Everyone began filling out of the room, the interrogation officer leaving the quickest of all. Poe didn’t budge, he just watched you as you sat there in a silent panic.

“Commander, accompany her when she’s ready,” Leia ordered before gathering her things and leaving the two of you to yourselves.

“You don’t have to do this,” he said, sighing. You had not spoken about how uneasy you had been sleeping, how often you had woken from nightmares that had his hands around your throat again. But you knew he read you like an open book.

“No, I don’t. I need to, though. We aren’t getting anywhere with him. I owe it to the Resistance to try.”

Poe accepted your answer with a silent understanding.

* * *

The walk to the brig was shorter than you had wanted or expected. You were so deep in your own thoughts that when the door suddenly appeared in front of you, you froze. Poe reached around from behind you to swipe his key card, and the entry slid open with a hiss.

You walked in slowly, towards the window on the other side of the room. Two guards stood by the cell’s door, already aware of your objective here. They didn’t say a word as you silently approached the glass that gave you a view of the man that had tried to kill you.

He sat in a corner of the room, stripped of his armour down to the black underclothes. His hands were bound in front of him, resting on his bent knees as he sat with his head bowed to the floor. You couldn’t see his face, but he didn’t look to be in good shape. It gave you a sick pleasure knowing he had suffered, too.

Poe didn’t say a word as you stared at the man. He didn’t need to. You knew he was there for you without needing to hear it.

Wordlessly, you approached the guards and they stepped off to the side, allowing you entry. When you walked in, the trooper didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge the new presence.

The door shut with a loud clank. “You asked for me?”

At this, he chuckled. It was deep, masculine, and as you took in his true figure for the first time you realized just how large he was. You tried to leave your face blank and void of emotion as he lifted his head to look at you.

But you were taken aback by how attractive he was, and you were sure the startle was obvious. Dark, messy hair was falling into his chiselled face that had a heavy dusting of facial hair and bruises. His skin was a light tan that set off his cerulean eyes sharply. But when you looked closely enough, one of those beautiful blues had a heavy speck of brown. Like mud that discoloured pure waters.

“You,” was all he said, his satisfying smirk already irritating you. You dug your nails into your palms hard, willing yourself to control your rising annoyance.

“Per your request.”

“I was beginning to think they’d never let me see you,” he said, his posture relaxing as his attitude became cockier. His eyes dipped to your exposed throat and he bit his lower lip. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he was aroused by the sight.

“I’m not here for small talk,” you quipped, finding it hard to keep your voice even. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, keeping your back ramrod straight.

The trooper sighed, but it wasn’t out of exhaustion or frustration, but rather feigned exasperation. As if you were wasting _his_ time.

“Very well, why are you here, then?”

You went straight to the point. If he was just going to play games, you would leave. “How did you get here?”

“TIE fighter, of course. Wasn’t that obvious?” He replied, and you were surprised he actually gave you a straight answer. You pressed your luck.

“TIE’s don’t have hyperdrives. And our sensors didn’t pick your ship up entering the atmosphere.”

“That’s because we came down with the meteor shower several days ago. Hid among the debris. And this TIE _does_ have a hyperdrive.”

You were impressed with the ingenuity of it all, even if he was First Order. So they were outfitting some their TIE’s with lightspeed capability now? Sending out more reconnaissance missions? You raised a brow. “Why are you here?”

He didn’t even miss a beat. “Commander Ren sent us on a recon mission to estimated trajectories after your surprise visit on Rakata Prime. With the complicated jumps, there were several on the list. We were to find your base, if we could, and report its location back to him.”

His openness puzzled you. This was the man who had refused to speak to anyone for days, and now was spilling all his information to you?

“Do they know you’re here?”

He shook his head slowly. “We shut our comms down to avoid being intercepted should anyone be listening. We were flying dark – nothing running but our engines and navigation. Ren gave us the list, but he doesn’t know where we started.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Here he paused, smiling that arrogant smile up at you as he studied you. He moved to get up, exaggerating a groan as he stretched out his legs. You sorely underestimated his size while sitting down; because he was massive standing up, nearly a foot taller. You backed up, but your ass hit the wall behind you.

“Nothing I can do to you now, princess. Your Commander would have my head.”

You frowned, confused.

“You don’t think he’s been in here, trying to get answers out of me? Threatening me for what I did to you- tried to do to you?”

You hadn’t even considered that since the day he was brought in. As far as you were aware, Poe had been busy with his own squadron commitments. Had he really taken extra time out of his day to beat this man down for answers?

“Why are you telling me everything?” You repeated.

He began to pace in front of you, eyeing his own reflection in the one-way window that led to the antechamber on the other side.

“The only value in my heart beating right now lies with the information I can divulge. You coming here tells me they’ve considered… terminating our arrangement.”

He… wasn’t wrong. And it bothered you that he seemed to know everything that was going on, despite being locked in a cell for a week. He was cold, calculating, intelligent. It highly unsettled you.

Sleep was going to be even more hard to come by now.

“Where’s your TIE?”

He stopped his pacing, tilting his head in thought as he mapped it out in his head.

“From where we met-” he glanced up at you as he said that. “Due West, about a three day’s walk if you’re taking in the scenery. I saw the lights from your base as we came down that night, so I knew there was something to investigate. We observed your base for a day before we met.”

 _Before we met,_ as if your chance encounter was nothing more than a happy coincidence.

“We haven’t been able to find your ship.”

At this he seemed delighted, as if he had one-upped the Resistance on something. “As intended. I put her down under heavy foliage. In my gear that they took from me, you’ll find a compass, but it doesn’t point North.”

“It points to the TIE,” you finished for him. He nodded, raking his eyes over you in admiration.

“You can’t fly it without the chain code, though. Prevents theft, you know.”

You narrowed your eyes. Was this the catch, his leverage? You would just destroy the damn thing, then. The Resistance didn’t need it.

“I’ll give it to you. Under one condition.”

You nodded once, skeptical, prepared for something unpleasant.

“You’re the one to fly it back.”

That was… more than reasonable, you figured. It was something you always wanted to do, anyways.

“Consider it done.”

He grinned again, raising his bound hands as he motioned to you. “Do you have a pen and paper?”

You felt your pockets and were able to produce a pen, but nothing to write on. You hesitated before stepping up to him, offering him the pen and your hand.

The trooper licked his lower lip as he narrowed his tarnished blue eyes, taking the pen from you and cupping his free hand around your wrist as he wrote the complicated chain code down on your skin.

When he finished, he lingered far too long. The fingers that were wrapped around your wrist were burning a hot reminder of when they were around your neck, and you ripped your hand away. You made sure to take the pen back, too, should he attempt something stupid with it.

“Well, this has been a peach,” you said, backing away and towards the door.

“I hope I’ll get the pleasure of your company again,” he said, sliding back down the wall to retake his sitting position. He winked at you, and you scoffed in disgust.

The door slammed shut behind you with a solid, satisfying thud, and you released a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding.

To say Poe looked less than thrilled would’ve been a grave misjudgement of his current facial expression. “He sure likes you, huh?”

You sneered in disgust, “That’s all you got from that? You forgetting he tried to kill me a couple days ago?”

He raised a dismissive hand, one he brushed through his hair as he began walking with you out of the brig, “We need to take this to Leia for approval before we leave.”

“We?”

Poe stopped, grabbing your arm to turn you towards him. “Yes, we. You’re not going out there alone.”

“You just want to fly it,” you said dismissively, shoving your finger in his face as you taunted him. “You heard him, it has to be me.”

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. “He’s not going to know the difference. Anyways, there are two seats in the things. We go together. End of story.”

You continued on your walk, muttering something about you having the chain code and that he wouldn’t be getting his hands on it. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he followed in step behind you.

* * *

As you both expected, Leia gave approval for the job. She organized a transport shuttle to bring you as close as possible to the site but there would still be some hiking involved. Her only request was that you be assessed by your doctor before you left. You complied, and you were cleared.

You packed a bag with spare clothes and rations, clipping your water bottle to the side before heaving it over your shoulders. You had no idea how close they’d get you and how long it would take to get there. The compass gave you clear direction but no indication as to the distance involved. The pilots gave you the option of rappelling down to the site but you gave that a hard _no-_ the only time you weren’t afraid of heights was when you were inside your X-Wing.

The flight there was smooth. Poe was leaning in to the cockpit to direct the pilots where to go while you sat in the back, hanging on to the grab bar while you looked out the open side door at the forest beneath you. The shuttle swung back around and circled over one spot, and you focused hard to try and find the ship. The foliage was so thick it was impossible, but you thought you saw a glimpse of black metal at one point where a large tree was overhanging a small outcropping. The shuttle left the area, heading back towards the base as they tried to find a decent place to land.

It was further away than you preferred when the shuttle touched down in a small clearing, about a couple hours’ walk to the TIE’s location. It wasn’t so much the distance that would take up your time, but the terrain. 

The pilots bid you farewell and you gave a wave, bracing against the strong wind that was stirred up by their departure. When the shuttle was out of view, the air was filled with a quiet calm that you found peaceful. You could almost forget about the war if you stayed out here.

“Let’s get going,” Poe said, hitching his pack up on his back as he started towards the site.

You followed behind him in silence, focusing on avoiding the tree roots and rocks that interrupted your path. Underneath the cover of the forest, there was no wind, and the heat became stifling. It was like trying to hike in a hot box, with no reprieve. 

You took a long swig from your bottle and dumped some of it on your face to wash away the sweat that had accumulated. After a couple hours of torture, Poe stopped and dropped his pack to the ground, stretching his shoulders out with a groan. “I need a break. We can rest here for a bit.”

You felt irritated. _He needs a break?_ You thought, shoving your own pack off and feeling instant relief at the loss. You wiped a hand across your forehead, brushing your hair back out of your face. You started to unbutton your shirt, removing it to leave yourself in a basic tank, and balled it up to wipe away the sweat from the back of your neck. You wished you could change out of your cargo pants, but your legs would be at the mercy of the thick underbrush.

Busy organizing your pack, you didn’t realize Poe had stopped what he was doing and was staring at you, his gaze heavy with lust. Your eyes had just met his when suddenly he was right in front of you, hand sliding to the back of your head to grip your hair as he tilted your chin up and lowered his mouth to yours.

You were taken aback by the bold move, standing there motionless at first as he captured his lips with his own. When his tongue ran along your lower lip you melted into his touch and granted him access. His other hand came to wrap around your waist, open palm splayed against your back as he pressed your body into his.

Butterflies were ravaging your stomach as you moaned, revelling in the feeling of him against you. A nagging voice in the back of your head was trying to get you to remember his betrayal, the hurt it caused you, but you didn’t listen. You wanted to hate him, but you couldn’t. It all felt too good to ignore. So you indulged.

His hand slid down to slide beneath the top of your pants, cupping your ass and gripping it tightly as he moved his mouth against yours. He removed his hand and you were about to protest before his fingers wrapped around your thighs, lifting you up to drape your legs around his waist as he pushed you back against a tree. You threaded your fingers through his thick curls, pulling his face hard against yours.

It was absolute bliss, this feeling. When he had you like this you had no rational thought anymore. Any idea of keeping a professional relationship was out the window. It had been for a while.

His hand moved to lift your shirt off, but you stopped him, pulling his head back and breaking the kiss.

“Not here,” you gasped, catching your breath.

He groaned, nuzzling his nose with yours and planting light kisses on your jaw. “I need you so fucking bad,” he whispered, and it did things to your body that you struggled to suppress.

Being fucked against a tree while you were exhausted and filthy, head throbbing from the exertion, was not as appealing as you wanted it to be.

“Let’s get to the site first. Then you can do whatever you want to me.”

You had to admire the strength he had in that moment. He groaned loudly, pressing his hips hard against yours and grinding into you. His hands gripped your thighs tightly, and he bit down on your collarbone.

After a few moments, he slowly released you and set you back down on the ground, hands coming up to cup your face gently as he leaned in to kiss you again, his lips soft against yours.

You melted, moaning into his mouth, and you nearly fell forward when he released you as he took a step back. The loss was cold even in the warmth of the jungle, leaving you feeling empty. His touch had burned hot against your skin and now you were shivering. 

He brushed your hair out of your face with a delicate finger, letting it trail down to your jaw before pulling it away as he turned and walked over to his pack.

It took you several minutes to compose yourself, readjusting your clothing before sitting down and pulling out some rations. Your stomach growled lowly, and it was only then you realized how hungry you were. You both ate in a tense silence, sparing frequent glances at the other.

“How long?” You suddenly asked.

Poe looked up, puzzled. “How long what?”

“How long have you… liked me?” You asked shyly, avoiding his gaze.

He smirked. That trademark Dameron smirk, when he relished in his confidence and slight arrogance. 

“A while,” was all he said.

You rolled your eyes at his vague answer, returning your attention back to the food in front of you.

When you had hitched your pack back on and started walking again, Poe let you go in front, remaining close behind you. Anytime there was difficult terrain to navigate, he was right there, offering a hand and helping guide your body across it. You blushed at every contact, not saying a word.

Finally, as you broke through a particular tree line, the black TIE fighter came into view. It was a strong contrast against the green flora, sitting unnaturally amongst the underbrush. The large tree you had seen from above that hung wide overtop of it hid the ship from view.

Poe whistled loudly, stopping a few feet in front of you and resting his weight on one leg as he put his hands on his hips. He assessed the ship as you assessed him. His current posture did wonders for accentuating his hefty ass and you took the time to appreciate it.

While you were curious about the ship too, it could wait. You were tired, but not just physically tired. You were tired of holding back, tired of trying to control everything. Tired of always making decisions and keeping everything in line. 

You needed someone to take it from you. And he was standing right in front of you, head peaking around to inspect the cockpit entry.

You dropped your pack unceremoniously to the ground and walked up to him, grabbing his waistband to pull him back and turn him around. He didn’t get a chance to speak before you grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him down into a fierce kiss.

He didn’t resist, dropping his own pack before wrapping his arms around you and returning it. Your hands worked at unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders and he helped shrug it off, all the while never breaking the kiss. You dropped your hand to his crotch, palming his hard erection through his pants.

He moaned, breaking the kiss as he pulled your tank top over your head swiftly. Your bra followed in the same fashion, discarded somewhere in the grass. His hand came up to cup your breast gently, rubbing his thumb over your nipple that perked at his touch.

Your head fell back, your mouth parting as you moaned, and he leaned forward to press soft kisses to the bruises that marred your skin. It sent shivers down your spine, and you clutched him tighter.

He backed you up before lifting your ass and wrapping your legs around his waist again, but this time he sunk to his knees, his hand splayed across your back as he laid you down on the cool grass. His hands moved to your pants, undoing them quickly before sliding them off in one swift movement, your underwear along with it. He went to lean forward on you but you stopped him. “Yours gotta go,” you said, fingering the button on his pants.

He grinned, shifting back on his heels, standing up to quickly undo his zipper and slide them off. When you had cupped him earlier you knew he was larger than average, but you couldn’t help your eyes widening at the sight of it fully erect in front of you. You sat up, hands sliding up his thighs as you opened your mouth and took him deep in your throat.

Poe gasped, his fingers threading into your hair and tugging it tightly. He didn’t force you, just let you set the rhythm and depth on your own. You swirled your tongue around his head, letting it slide along his slit at the tip and he bucked his hips at the sensation. You could feel yourself literally dripping between your legs and you reached down, sliding your fingers into your folds and circling your clit as you sucked him off.

Poe opened his eyes and saw what you were doing, tensing as he let out a strangled gasp. “Fucking hell, if you keep doing that this is going to end way too soon.”

He gripped your hair and pulled you off him, pushing you down on your back as he lowered himself to his knees and overtop of you. His forearms rested on either side of your head as he cupped it with his hands. You relished in the feeling of his bare chest against your own, his hips rolling into yours as he grinded against your heat.

He kissed you gently, so softly it left you wanting so much more. He broke it to nuzzle his nose against your cheek as he panted. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

His voice was barely above a whisper as his eyes searched deep into yours. You reached down, stroking his length slowly a couple times before placing it at your entrance and guiding the tip in. “I need you.”

You didn’t have to say it twice. As soon as he felt you, heard you, Poe moved his hips into yours and buried himself to the hilt inside you. The sensation of being filled so wholly had you gasping, head tilting back against the ground as he pressed his face into your neck. Your eyes drifted open as he began moving, basking in the absolute ecstasy as the dark TIE loomed above you.

He lifted his head and his lips met yours again, his teeth nipping at your lower lip before his tongue slipped into your mouth. You wrapped your legs around his waist, angling yourself so he could bury himself deeper into you. Your nails raked down his back, leaving marks in their wake, and you dug them in as his hips began to snap harder into you.

His hand came down to rest gently against your throat, fingers lightly wrapping around it as he held you there. Your eyes met and he silently asked for your consent, offering you a chance to erase what the Stormtrooper had done to you. Fill the sensation with a new memory, one to think back on with desire instead of panic.

You tilted your chin up, granting him better access. His grip tightened slightly, still cautious about the bruises, and he leaned down to kiss you with everything he had. He began pounding into you, his rhythm becoming erratic as he started to lose control. “Poe, I want you to cum in me. Will you cum in me?”

“Anything you want,” he whispered, his face pressed to yours as he let himself lose control.

A couple of thrusts later and he stilled, his entire body tensing above you as he spilled his seed deep inside you. You clutched onto him tightly, nails digging in so hard you were sure they were going to leave marks.

Poe collapsed on top of you, his weight heavy but comforting as he breathed heavily into your shoulder. You rubbed his back lightly, pressing soft kisses to his temple as he came down from his high.

You were more than content with what had just happened, but Poe shifted slightly and slid his hand down to your wet folds. He didn’t remove himself just yet, but he gathered the juices on his fingers and began circling your throbbing clit without a word.

It didn’t take long for the coil to build deep inside you, as it had already been stirred up. You were still so aroused from him fucking the daylights out of you beneath the TIE fighter. When your body began to tense and he felt you getting closer, he pressed his hips more into you, letting his softening cock stimulate you from the inside as his fingers worked on your clit.

You came hard, clenching tight around his cock as he continued to stimulate you through the mind-blowing orgasm. Your vision was clouded with stars, the sensation so overwhelming you thought you were going to pass out. But as your sight slowly returned and you were able to focus, you took in a few shuddering breaths and gazed up at Poe. He brought his hand up to lick his fingers clean before pressing a deep kiss to your mouth. The taste of yourself on his lips was the crowning achievement of it all.

You both laid there in an otherworldly paradise wrapped in each other’s arms for an unknown amount of time. At one point you had drifted off in a light sleep, relaxed and utterly content.

At some point later, Poe peeled himself off you, but not before giving you a quick kiss. “We should get going, they’re going to wonder if we don’t show up soon,” he said, giving you a lazy, all-knowing smile. 

You found yourself barely able to move. You just wanted to keep laying there in the soft grass with him and forget about everything else. But he was right, you had to get going and bring that TIE back to base.

You both dressed in a comfortable silence, him often handing you pieces of your clothing that was scattered around. 

You went over and grabbed your pack and climbed up into the TIE, discarding it to the side once you were in. You moved around to the front cockpit, plopping down into the chair as you ogled the control panel in front of you. It was a beauty, you couldn’t deny that. Top tier craftsmanship.

Poe climbed up behind you, fitting himself begrudgingly into the gunner’s seat. “I really feel like the _best pilot in the Resistance_ should be the one bringing this girl into base...”

You scoffed, grinning like an idiot and thankful he couldn’t see it. “You’re just jealous because he didn’t flirt with you.”

Poe made a disgusted noise. “Don’t tell me you enjoyed that.”

“Hardly,” you replied, flicking a couple switches on as you navigated the foreign controls. It wasn’t too different from an X-Wing. Same principles, different layout. The panel lit up and started to beep at you. 

Turning your hand around, you punched in the chain code into the board that the trooper had given you. When you hit the button to submit it, a loud, obnoxious alarm tore through the cockpit, and you had to cover your ears with your hands to stem the stinging. The ship powered down.

“What the hell is that?” Poe yelled from the back, getting out of his seat to come around front.

“I don’t know!” You said, cringing against the repeating racket that tormented your ears. “It started when I put the chain code in!”

Your mind was whirling, trying to figure out what you did wrong. It was then that Poe cursed loudly, grabbing your arm tightly as he ripped you from the seat. “She’s gonna blow!”

You both tore out of the ship, forgoing your bags that you had left on the floor. Poe shoved you out the back first and you landed hard on the ground, but he was right behind you to pick you up and push you forward. You barely got ten steps before the alarm stopped and the TIE fighter exploded, shrapnel flying everywhere as you both were blown off your feet and into the bush.

You landed unceremoniously in a heap, your hands instinctly coming up to cover the back of your head as you listened to the sound of metal still falling to the forest floor.

When you figured the coast was clear, you rolled over and sat up, propping yourself up on your palms. Where the TIE had once stood was a charred mess of twisted metal and burning grass, thick grey smoke pluming into the air. The trees nearby were singed from the explosion, branches broken off and hanging precariously.

You searched the area for Poe, but you couldn’t see him. Pushing yourself up off the ground, you started looking for him, fear rising in your chest.

“POE!” You called out, but nothing answered you. You were about to start crying in panic until you saw him, laying in a crumpled heap with a large piece of the ion engine laying on top of him. You ran over, dropping to your knees as you heaved the debris off of him.

Frantically, you pressed the button down on your commlink, holding it until the loud beep confirmed your distress call was received. You reached over, grabbing his shoulder to roll him over onto his back.

He wasn’t moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that Michael Scott cringe gif?  
> That's my face as I posted this.


	8. I'll Make It Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hold On" - Chord Overstreet

You shook his shoulders, calling his name over and over. He was unresponsive under your touch as hot tears were beginning to stream down your dirty cheeks, leaving a clean trail behind. You tried to compose yourself for a moment, breathing deep to settle your nerves as you closed your eyes and pressed your fingers to the side of his neck. You adjusted them slightly, and then you felt it. Present and steady. You let out a whooshing breath, your eyes flying back open with renewed hope.

You gave him a once-over, looking for any major injuries to attend to while you waited for help. Aside from cuts and scrapes that littered his body, there was nothing obvious. No gaping tear in his skin or black shrapnel protruding from him. In a way, it frustrated you – there was nothing to do for him but cradle his body gently in your arms and wait. The reality of the situation hit you like a tonne of bricks then, and you began to sob, unleashing your fear and panic to the jungle as he lay unconscious in your lap. You couldn’t lose him, not now. 

Looking down, you brushed some of his dark curls out of his face, your salty tears spilling down onto his forehead, mixing with the black ashe that covered his skin. You involuntarily rocked back and forth as you sat there, alone and terrified, with the haunting remains of the TIE still burning behind you.

“Don’t leave me, Poe,” you whispered to him, sniffling your nose. “You can’t leave me here alone.”

He didn’t stir. You had hoped for something, a flutter of his eyelashes or a moan, something. The only consolation was the steady beat just under his jawline.  
You leaned down, pressing your lips to his in a lingering, one-sided kiss, before resting your foreheads against each other. Your damp eyelashes brushed off on his own, evidence of your distress now clear on his face. When you spoke again, your voice was so low it was hardly audible even to your ears.

“I love you.”

The confession was not so much to him as it was to yourself. Years of adamantly denying what he meant to you. Convincing yourself it was nothing but a youthful infatuation that simply moved on to respectful admiration of a close companion. You saw now how big of an untruth that really was.

The roar of engines startled you to look up, and a med evac shuttle circled around above you. There was nowhere for them to land, the brush too thick. The shuttle came back to hover over you, visible through the tree cover above, its side door sliding open to reveal several officers on board looking over the edge. One of them slipped a harness on and clipped himself to a line, leaning outside as they began to lower him down. When his feet touched soil, he trotted over to you and knelt down.

“What happened?”

You continued to cling to Poe’s limp body, forcing yourself to accurately recall the events. “The TIE self-destructed and we got caught in the blast. I found him unconscious with some debris on top of him. He’s got a pulse. I-I didn’t see any obvious injuries.” You rattled off the information like a droid, your voice professional yet robotic in its recount.

The officer nodded and spoke into his comm, waving his hand up at the shuttle. Shortly after, a basket stretcher was being lowered. When it came to rest gently on the grass, you helped the officer lift Poe carefully into it, watching him secure all the straps as you cradled his head from behind. When the other man finished, he looked up and over at you. “I’m taking him up first. I’ll come back for you.”

You nodded, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Poe’s forehead before the stretcher was being lifted up. You watched it go.

While you waited for him to return you surveyed the area one last time. Smoke continued to rise from the area but the fire was out. You could hardly tell a ship had once stood there. Nothing was left but charred brush and shrapnel.

You were snapped out of your thoughts by the officer dropping down next to you, having you face him as he strapped you into a harness that clicked into his own. “I need you to hold onto me when we go up.”

You nodded, wrapping your arms around his waist as he gave the signal to pull you back up. You closed your eyes, not afraid of the height anymore but desperately needing to shut the image below out of your mind.

Once in the shuttle, the door was closed and you were unclipped and instructed to sit further down while they went to work on Poe. You were near his feet, still with his boots tightly fitted on, and you leaned forward to brush his pants up so you could place your hand on his skin. You needed to touch him, needed to feel his warmth to calm your rattled nerves. You needed to know he was still alive.

The flight back was quick. After you landed and they transferred him to a wheeled gurney, you followed behind in step. People were turning to look at you as you rushed by, concern etched across their faces as they watched their injured Commander be led to the med bay.

Medical officers hurried towards the stretcher as you entered, terminology being rambled off that sounded entirely like a different language to you. Nobody seemed to acknowledge your presence until he was wheeled into the critical care section, and a nurse stepped forward to press a hand against your shoulder to stop you. “Ma’am, I can’t let you in there right now.”

You shrugged her hand off, trying to push past her. “No, I need to be there with him, I gotta be in there-”

“And they need room to work, miss. Please.”

You hesitated momentarily but relented, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Can you let me know if he’s OK? Please.”

She nodded. “Give me a few minutes. Wait right here.”

You put your hands on your hips and paced back and forth in front of the doors, ignoring the stares from the other patients and nurses that occupied the general care area. You were sure you looked a sight, covered in sweat, dirt, and soot. You were acutely aware of the fact that your underwear was still soaked from when he poured his cum into you only an hour earlier. All of that seemed like an eternity ago.

The nurse returned and you abruptly stopped treading a path into the floor. She gave you a warm smile. “He’ll be ok. He suffered quite a blow to the head so they’re going to keep him in an induced coma to let the swelling come down and allow his brain to heal. But he will be ok.”

That all sounded worse than what she implied. “An induced coma? For how long?”

“I’m not sure, it all depends on how fast he heals. Could be a few days or a couple weeks. We will have to wait and see.”

You nodded, thanking her. It was all so much to take in at once and you felt your head swimming.

“You should get checked out, too,” she said, reaching forward to place a hand on your arm. You brushed it off for the second time, shaking your head.

“I’m fine,” was all you replied.

She gave your arm a small squeeze before letting her hand drop, giving you a reassuring smile before she went back to her duties and left you standing alone with your own thoughts. Dark, troublesome thoughts.

You spun around on your heel, leaving the med bay just as fast as you had entered it. It was no accident, what happened. Someone very specific was responsible. 

You made your way down the winding corridors to the brig, swiping your key card for access inside. You were grateful in that moment for your newly minted Captain’s rank. This impulsive decision might have been impossible without it.

The guards startled at your entrance, confusion etching on their faces. They looked to each other and then back to you. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there are no approved meetings for him today,” one of them said, stepping forward as if to stop you.

“This one’s last minute,” you said, staring him down, standing uncomfortably close. Your disheveled appearance and wild eyes must have clued him in to something more going on. He hesitantly stepped aside, unlocking the door to grant you access. They didn’t follow.

You rushed in, pulling the weapon from your hip holster. The trooper had a look of surprise grace his sharp features as he watched you stride in, and he opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off.

With the butt end of your blaster across his head.

He was tossed to the side with the force of the strike, knocking him off balance where he sat. A deep feeling of gratification filled your stomach at the satisfying result you got.

You spat on him as he lay there, your shoulders heaving with anger.

“You set me up.”

He groaned, bringing his bound hands up to touch the area where you hit him. He righted himself, dark hair falling over his eyes as he looked up at you. “Looks like it didn’t work, though.”

“You piece of shit,” you whispered, hands shaking with fury. You shifted back and forth on your feet, unconsciously trying to release the pent up frustration. 

“Can you blame me? I had to finish what I started somehow, and I couldn’t do it in here.” He casually shrugged your animosity off before catching himself, becoming almost unnaturally still. He narrowed his eyes, tilting his head slightly as he examined your expression.

“Did I get someone else?” He inquired with a half-chuckle, an arrogant smirk crawling up his face at the thought. He quirked a questioning brow, his voice filled with incredulity. “Don’t tell me it was the Commander..?”

Your whole body was shaking with blind rage now, your breathing increasing as you struggled to maintain your composure. You could feel yourself careening dangerously off the rails.

He laughed, then. A deep, true, victorious laugh. A laugh that boomed so loud it echoed off the stone walls of his cell.

You felt something snap within.

Flipping the blaster in your hand, you brought it up to aim directly at his head.

And fired without hesitation.

You didn’t flinch at the burning hole that opened between his eyes. Dropping the blaster to the ground with a clang, you watched him fall sideways to the floor, his blank stare and gaping mouth an image that you’d never forget. Nor would you regret.

The guards rushed in, looking down at the body and then over to you, thick tension hanging in the air. There was a deafening silence as they stood there, torn between their moral compass and their duty to the Resistance.

“Self-defence, right? You saw him grab me.” You looked up at them then, fixing them with the same cold stare you had given the trooper when you pointed the blaster in his face. Even you were surprised at how calm you were.

They nodded slowly, understandingly. It was good enough for you.

You backed up and left the room, forcing one foot in front of the other as you made your way back to the med bay. You sat down in the hallway outside the critical care doors, exhausted but not wanting to be far should another update come from one of the nurses. On the exterior, no one would have been able to guess you had just murdered a First Order prisoner in cold blood. 

Tucking your legs up close to your chest, you tilted your head back against the wall with a thud, letting your eyes slip close. The adrenaline that had spurned you minutes ago was fading away, leaving you feeling drained. I just need to rest for a minute.

It didn’t take long for sleep to claim you, lulled by the soft lighting and rhythmical beeping of the bedside monitors.

* * *

You were startled awake by a gentle rub on your shoulder, and you jolted, unaware you had fallen asleep and confused about where you were. You blinked a few times, clearing the blurry sleep from your eyes. The room slowly came into focus. You cleared your dry throat, and as you looked up at the nurse, the vivid memories came flooding back. “How is he?”

The girl straightened up, clasping her hands in front of her as she gave you a soft smile. It was the same one from earlier that had denied you entry while they started working on him.

“He’s sedated but stable. There were no other significant injuries aside from the head trauma. You can go see him now.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, forcing your body up into a standing position. You ached all over, every joint and muscle screaming at you to stop moving. It felt like you had been run over by a blurrg. Or ten.

You thanked her, pushing one of the double doors open as you walked into the quieter section. All of the beds were empty except for one. Your steps faltered, hesitant to approach the cot where he lay, unsure whether you’d be able to handle seeing him so fragile. If you turned around now you could avoid it altogether, simply pretend he was off base on some mission in another sector.

But you couldn’t leave him. So you compelled your feet to move towards the bed, your eyes taking in the leeds and wires that had him hooked up to various machines. The cuff around his arm began inflating automatically, checking his blood pressure as you read the numbers on the screen. You didn’t know much, but you knew enough to know everything was normal.

If it wasn’t for the clear tubing coming out of his mouth that was taped in place, you’d think he was just sleeping. He looked peaceful, serene even, despite being filthy. They had changed him out of his dirty clothes and placed a basic grey medical gown on him, but the grunge remained on his face and in his hair. The machines clicked on and off as they helped him breathe, the steady rhythm surprisingly soothing.

You reached forward, wrapping your hand around his and immediately comforted by the warmth that you felt. You felt hot tears burning your eyes and you blinked them back, suddenly overwhelmed all over again, but one made its way down your face. You wiped it away, sniffling your nose as you cleared your throat.

“It was a trap,” you said softly, unsure if he could hear you. You chuckled hollowly. “I killed the bastard.”

Had he been awake, you weren’t sure if he’d give you a pat on the back or reprimand you for acting so rashly. Poe was an enigma.

Your eyes fell on the metal basin at his bedside. Grabbing it, you went over to the sink and filled it with warm water, adding a little bit of soap to it and plucking a white cloth off the shelf. If you were going to be here for a while, you might as well do something.

Setting the basin down on the bed beside his arm, you dipped the cloth in and wrung out the excess water. You started at his face, gently scrubbing the dirt and muck away. You worked around the tubing, careful not to disturb anything as you went about it. The water darkened as you rinsed the cloth, moving down to clean his neck and that’s when you noticed his chain was gone. You panicked, knowing what that ring meant to him, and you stopped what you were doing. Your eyes scanned the table, finding nothing, and you pulled the top drawer open with a little too much force. Inside was the silver necklace, ring intact, although filthy. You breathed a sigh of relief and picked it up, dropping it into the basin before scrubbing it clean.

When you finished, you dumped the filthy water and rinsed the basin out, replacing it back on the table where it had been when you found it. You picked the chain up, reaching under Poe’s neck to wrap it around and clasp it together. It belonged on him at all times.

Sitting back on the side of the bed, you took his hand in yours again, brushing the other one through his dark, sooty curls. You could sit there all day, marveling at the fact that he was alive, fingers methodically threading in his thick hair as you watched him sleep. You didn’t even know what time it was anymore.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you,” you whispered, gazing down at him and feeling your throat catch. “I can’t lose you. You’re... you’re everything to me. I can’t ignore that any longer. And it’s going to make things messy, complicated... but I don’t have the strength to hide it anymore. I'm tired.”

You could not bring yourself to say those three words again, the ones you felt so strongly in your heart but were unable to find their way to your mouth. You felt your lids becoming heavy again, exhaustion overtaking your body and mind. Kicking off your boots, you slid your legs up on the bed beside him, squeezing in to the small space on your side. You laid your head down on the mattress, keeping your hand curled around his as you let yourself succumb to sleep.

“Come back to me,” you murmured, and then everything went black.

* * *

You were aware of a large, warm body next to you as someone wrapped their hand around your arm, gently shaking you awake. You made a noise of displeasure, wanting to stay asleep in your current comfortable position. But the shaking continued, still so gentle, so you cracked your eyes open and craned your head around to see who it was.

You shot unceremoniously out of bed when you saw Leia standing beside you, a concerned look on her regal features. You caught yourself on the railing, pulling yourself to sit up, disentangling yourself from Poe, and tried smoothing your hair back into something acceptable. You were unsure how ragged your appearance was, as you had not had a chance to look at yourself in a mirror since you came back.

“It’s all right, Captain,” she said, clasping her hands together in front of her. You suspected she was suppressing an amused smirk at your panic. “No need to alarm.”

“I’m sorry, General, I was just so tired-”

She held a hand up, a small smirk ghosting over her face. “Don’t apologize. How are you doing?”

You hesitated before answering. It was a... loaded question.

“I’m OK, considering what happened.” By now you were sure she was aware of what occurred in the brig, and you braced yourself for the consequences. You hadn’t been thinking straight when you reacted, the rash decision coming from a deeply personal vendetta you had against him. You had killed an unarmed, shackled prisoner without official authorization.

“I’m told the Commander will pull through just fine. However, I came to talk to you about something else. My officers informed me of the events that transpired in the brig earlier.”

You swallowed hard, your gaze faltering to the floor briefly as you nodded and took a deep breath. You opened your mouth, about to apologize and spill your conscience to her.

“Such a shame he felt the need to attack a Captain like that. Unfortunately, the security cameras were malfunctioning, so there’s no record of the incident.”

She knew. You knew she knew. She knew you knew she knew.

But there was no anger on her face, no disappointment or disapproval. Only acceptance and... pride? 

You couldn’t speak. There was nothing you could say at that moment that would adequately convey your thoughts. Your mouth was hanging open like a fish out of water. Your General was covering for you, without question. There was no way you’d be able to repay that kindness. You knew from that day on you were forever indebted to her, regardless if that was something she had intended. 

“I’ve taken you off the flight rosters for the next few days. I want you to get some rest, you’ve been through an awful lot. And I’m sure you’d rather be here right now, anyway.” She gave you a wink, and your eyes imperceptibly widened. Obviously, by the way she found you, it was clear there was more going on between you two than what most people were aware of. Leia wasn’t most people, though.

You snapped your jaw shut before responding. “Thank you,” you finally stuttered out, barely able to find your voice.

Leia smiled, that all-knowing smile, and left the med bay without another word.

You let out a breath, turning to look down at Poe. Nothing had changed, his vitals all as stable as they had been since you arrived. You sat up and went to meander around the unit, looking for a clock somewhere. Up high on the white walls was a large digital one, its bright red numbers shining in the dim light.

2230.

You hadn’t realized it was that late. Had you slept through the entire day? Night? Both? Going back over by Poe, you brushed your hand against his cheek and leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. “I’m going to get cleaned up, I’ll be back shortly,” you said to his sleeping form.

You went back to your room, ditching the filthy clothes on the floor before stepping into the hot water of your shower. It was near scalding, but you needed it. It was washing away the horrid events that happened hours earlier, the images of finding Poe trapped under the wreckage and unconscious in your arms as you helplessly waited for the Life Flight. However, the image of putting your blaster between the trooper’s eyes stayed put. You were disturbed by the fact that it didn’t bother you, didn’t make you sick to think you had taken a life. All you felt was satisfaction, contentment. He couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.

You stayed in the shower for an ungodly amount of time. You lathered soap over your body twice, scrubbing the sweat and dirt off that had accumulated. Your hands ghosted over the mound between your legs, gently cleansing it with water as the slight ache reminded you of your intimacy with him just hours earlier. Your body craved his touch, as if two halves had finally found each other only to be torn away again. Being gone from him felt wrong.

Shutting the water off, you grabbed a towel to wrap around yourself and stepped out, the cooler air causing goosebumps to rise all over and send a chill down your spine. You quickly rubbed your hair as dry as it would get before pattering over to your bed and plopping down, peeling your commlink off your wrist and tossing it on the bedside table. You laid down, pulling the blanket over you to warm up. 

You got cozy as you laid there, still wrapped in the towel, staring up at the ceiling as your mind went over everything. It all felt like you were coming to the end of the line, that the war was going to explode at any minute and become everyone’s problem. The fact that they had D’Qar on their shortlist of potential planets that your base was hidden on was worrisome enough to you. It was only because of the complex Galactic Barrier that they were unable to track you directly back to where you were, and while the complicated lightspeed jumps had been irksome that day, you were grateful for them now.

Your body sunk so comfortably down into the mattress, encompassing you in a hug and filling you with warmth and relaxation. It was like a drug, overtaking your mind without you even realizing. The last thoughts on your mind as you drifted to sleep were the hope that soon everything would be back to normal. That Poe would be back to normal, strong again, and by your side until countless years from now when the universe decided otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I forgot it was Thursday!
> 
> I know there was a shift in the movies to focus on humanizing Stormtroopers and how they had been taken as young kids and forced into servitude. But I also really like the angle of some of them enjoying it a little too much. What would a psychopath look like in that role?
> 
> See you Sunday.


	9. Where We Planted The Seeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "To Build A Home" - The Cinematic Orchestra feat. Patrick Watson

The sun was high in the sky above you, burning so brightly the sand underneath you was hot to touch. You stretched out on the blanket, basking in the relaxing atmosphere as you dozed. The soft noise of the small waves washing up on shore lulled you in and out of consciousness. You could get used to days like these, with hours spent enjoying the beautiful elements instead of crammed in a too-tight cockpit and smelling of oil and grease. Where you could hardly get out at the end of your flight because your joints were so stiff from remaining crammed for so long. You were starting to get too old for that shit.

Needing a change of position, you sat up, propping yourself up on your hands as you stretched the kinks out of your neck and stared at the lake in front of you. The large rock outcropping in the middle stood bare and tall, the only thing breaking the surface of the water. It was so calming, giving away none of the secrets that lay below its depths. You wondered what lived at the very bottom, if there even was a bottom.

A hand came up to caress your arm, stroking light touches up and down your bicep, leaving chills in its wake. You looked over and down at Poe, unable to hold back the smile that spread easily over your features. He barely had to do anything and you were already melting at his touch.

“I thought you had fallen asleep,” you said, turning your body to face him as you returned the gesture and trailed your fingertips across his cheek.

He chuckled, his eyes hidden from view under his dark sunglasses that matched his hair. “And miss out on time with you? Nah.”

You laid down on your side next to him, your fingers trailing down to his lower lip, where you let them drag it down ever so slightly. You couldn’t see his gaze but you knew he was burning a hole in you. You leaned forward, capturing his lips with your own, relishing the feeling of those familiar butterflies churning their way around your stomach.

His hand reached up to wind its way around to the back of your head where his fingers threaded into your hair, and he pushed you onto your back as he rolled on top. You’d never get tired of his weight on you, pressing you back into the earth, reminding you that you were his.

The roar of a sputtering engine broke you from your revere and you stopped, grabbing his face to pull away as you frowned. You looked over his shoulder to the clear skies above and then back to his own confused expression. “Did you hear that?”

His brow furrowed as he gently shook his head. “Hear what? There’s nothing out here.”

“I distinctly heard a ship pass by. You didn’t hear that?”

Poe chuckled, nuzzling his nose down into the crook of your head where he left gentle kisses in his wake. “I know you’re only two years older than me, but I’m really starting to wonder if you aren’t starting to lose your mind…”

You whacked him, laughing. You were about to brush it off as your own imagination until you heard a loud, repetitive blaring sort of noise. It was completely out of place.

“OK, you hear that, right?”

Poe stopped his ministrations, lifting his head to look at you with true concern at this point.

“There’s no noise except for the water,” he said, eyeing your face. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

You were about to reply when the entire scene cut away, your mind going blank as everything you had just felt, seen, and heard vanished out of your grip.

When you pried your eyes open, heavy and sore, you were terribly aware of the hard mattress underneath you and the beeping commlink sitting on your bedside table. You went to get up, grimacing at the full-body ache that made itself known the moment you started to move. Your head was heavy, and while looking down you realized you were still wrapped in the towel from the shower you had. But your hair was dry, and the clock beside you was annoyingly bright.

1225.

You let out a noise of disgust, realizing you had passed out last night after your shower instead of going back to the med bay. Grabbing the commlink, you clicked it on and grumbled angrily into it. “Yeah?”

“Just me,” Snap’s voice floated back to you. “I’m outside your door. I’ve been knocking for five minutes.”

 _Oh, shit_ , you thought, glancing over to the entry before looking down at yourself. “Give me one sec.”

You tossed the commlink back on the table and discarded the towel amongst your other dirty clothes on the floor. You quickly threw on a teal t-shirt and black shorts, running your fingers through your hair to try and make some sense of it. You gave up, moving over to the door and pressing the release button.

Snap stood there, fully dressed in his flight suit and life support vest. You weren’t sure if he was coming or going until he read your questioning gaze and pointed to the sky. “Heading out. I know you’re off for a few days. You doing all right?”

You nodded, trying to give him a reassuring smile but it only came out as a grimace. The concern on his face only grew, looking at you with empathy as he took in your weary appearance.

“I just wanted to pop by, see how you were. Also, I just came from the med bay and they’re taking Poe off the sedatives. They said he’s doing better than expected.”

At this your eyes widened, jaw going slack as your eyebrows lifted and you felt true relief wash over you. You had prepared yourself to watch him lay there for weeks, letting the machines live for him while he healed. But the stubborn bastard was already raring to go.

“Oh, gods, I should get over there,” you said, feeling suddenly anxious and yearning to get moving.

Snap moved forward to pull you into one of his giant bear hugs, his arms wrapping completely around your smaller form and pressing you tight to him. Knowing he had been there at Poe’s bedside that morning while you were busy sleeping made you feel a little better about passing out last night.

“He’ll want to see you when he wakes up,” Snap said, and you could feel his voice vibrate through his chest as he spoke. You didn’t say anything as you pulled back, feeling your cheeks redden slightly as you blushed. He saw it, and chucked. “I’ve been his best friend since we were fifteen. Of course I know.”

You shifted uncomfortably under his knowing scrutiny, placing your hands on your hips as you struggled to find words. Was it always going to be this hard to talk about it?

Snap’s features softened at your awkwardness, bringing his hand up to rest on your shoulder.

“You should ask him what changed after the Yissira Zyde.”

That was a name that you hadn’t heard in years, so it caught your attention immediately. Suddenly a hundred different questions popped up in your head, and you wanted to start blurting them at Snap, but he gave you a wink and left before you could get a single thought out.

You muttered a curse behind his back as he disappeared down the corridor, stepping back into your room only to throw on a pair of running shoes and to throw a brush through your hair. It was less than a minute and you were leaving, making your way quickly down to the med bay.

It was busier there during the day, with people checking in to have smaller wounds looked at, or something for nausea as they puked into a metal basin. A little less whiskey would probably be the best cure for that, you figured.

Nobody stopped you today as you proceeded through the critical care doors, making your way over to Poe’s bedside. The tubing that had been protruding out of his mouth the night before was gone, the only medical devices left on him were the blood pressure cuff and the pulse oximeter. The whole image was so much cleaner looking you almost didn’t take notice he was breathing completely on his own.

A nurse came back into the room from a side door, giving you a curt smile as she went to walk by, hands full of different medical supplies. You felt bad interrupting her, but you were curious.

“Excuse me, sorry-” you said, reaching a hand out but then withdrawing it before you actually touched her. Her stern expression made you hesitant to disturb her at all. “I’m just wondering, when will he wake up?”

While her face may have scared you off at first, her voice was sincere and helpful. “We discontinued the sedatives two hours ago. It could take a full day for him to fully wake.”

You thanked her, backing away to let her continue on her way as you moved around the bed and to his side. Your clean-up job from the night before had been pretty decent. You could hardly tell he had been blown off his feet just 24 hours ago if it wasn’t for the small cuts and scrapes that littered his body. The chain was still resting around his neck, the ring sitting on top of his left collarbone, where you had replaced it after washing him.

You pulled a chair up to his bedside, getting comfortable in anticipation of a long wait. You wouldn’t be leaving until you saw his eyes open and that mouth give you a witty retort it was so well-known for.

Sliding your hand under his, you turned it over and started tracing mindless patterns into his palm. You wondered if he was ticklish, or if his nerves of steel as a pilot translated over to having full control over his own body. Was that why he was defying odds here? Too strong-minded, too stubborn for his own good? You speculated he wouldn’t be an easy one to interrogate, if that was the case.

Since the critical care area was so much quieter, there wasn’t much to observe. The occasional nurse would pass by now and then, moving about as they performed their duties so effortlessly. You had to give them props. You’d never be able to do what they did.

It was about two hours in – four hours total from the cessation of the sedatives – when you found yourself getting antsy. You wished you had thought to bring a book or at least your data pad to keep you occupied. You adored the man laying in front of you, but there was only so much you could take of watching him sleep, knowing you couldn’t arouse him and simply had to wait.

So you started talking to him. Rambling to yourself, mostly. Digging up stories from back in the Academy of the dumb shit he used to get himself into, culminating in the theft of the X-Wing that led to his first real reality check. “I know I had told you not to get Snap expelled for that, but I also didn’t want you to leave, either.”

It was the first time you admitted out loud that your feelings carried back that far, back to a time when you’d curse his name and glower in his direction. You had thought for so long that you hated him, the irritating boy from Yavin 4 that had his life handed to him on a silver platter. But you didn’t. You were angry at your own life’s hardships, projecting those feelings onto someone that had weaseled their way into your heart without even trying.

It was a stupid thing to do, you had realized later. You spent so many years wasting your energy on that when you could’ve been building so much more.  
You didn’t know how long you rambled for. The nurses had been in several times to do their hourly checks, so you assumed it had been a while. You were now deep into recalling the time he had lost horribly at strip sabacc and had to use the chip bowl to cover himself as he shamelessly made his way back to his dorm. The image of his bare ass was something you were able to recall every detail about.

You were chuckling at the memory of nearly dropping your bottle of wine at the sight of it when you felt his hand twitch under yours. You froze, holding your breath even, as you waited to see if it was your imagination or a fluke. But it came again, stronger this time, and his fingers wrapped around yours.  
You let out a huff of air as you gasped, standing up and shifting your weight onto the edge of the bed, eyes shooting up to examine his face. His eyelids were fluttering, and you pressed a hand flat against his cheek as you leaned forward.

“Poe?” You whispered, terrified to hope too much.

Your fears were abated when his eyes slid open slowly, agonizingly slowly. He was looking all over as he surveyed the room, obviously disoriented. You squeezed his hand, saying his name again softly, your other thumb brushing against his cheekbone. His gaze fluttered over to meet yours, and your breath hitched in your throat. Suddenly the reality of him alive, conscious, looking at you – it was overpowering. Hot tears flooded your eyes and you didn’t even try and stop them.  
You ducked your head, letting a sob out as you let the emotions engulf you. You felt his hand cover the one you had rested on his face, his fingers threading through yours, warm and familiar.

“I knew you had been checking out my ass,” were the first words out of his mouth since the TIE self-detonated in the middle of the jungle.

You heaved another sob, the feeling of relief overtaking you as you raised your eyes to his again.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” he whispered.

That didn’t help matters, and you felt more spill rapidly down your cheeks as you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, and when you felt him return it, those precious, sacred butterflies tingled again.

When you finally released his face, you wiped away the tears and got up only briefly to hit the call button on the wall. You had hardly had time to sit back down before a nurse came trotting in. You backed away, giving her space to work. She checked his vitals, completed a neuro assessment and asked him a few questions. He admitted he was in pain, surprising you with his honesty, and she added something to his hanging bag before picking up her clipboard and moving to leave. “I’ll notify your Doctor of your progress. Nice to see you awake, Commander.”

You moved back into your former position, waiting until she was out of sight before leveling him with a steady gaze. “What do you remember?”

His eyes narrowed slightly as he thought. “We were going to bring the TIE back to base. I remember the trip there,” he said, his thumb coming up to run along your lower lip. His voice deepened. “I remember getting there.”

How this man was getting you hot and bothered as he lay in a hospital bed, fresh out of a coma, was beyond your comprehension.

“And then it all goes,” he fluttered that same hand in the air. “Blank.”

You nodded, swallowing. You were going to have to fill in those parts for him.

“When I inputted the chain code, the TIE initiated a self-destruct sequence. It was a failsafe. You shoved me out of there, and we ran, but… it detonated before we got far enough away.”

He was watching you carefully, showing no reaction as you recalled what transpired. 

“You were knocked out cold. I called for help, and they brought us back.”

You intentionally omitted any details about your interaction with the Stormtrooper shortly after that. A few moments passed as he digested the information, his eyes falling to where your hands were clasped together on his lap. “How long was I out?”

“Just a day. They kept you sedated until some of the swelling came down. As usual, you exceeded expectations.”

He grinned, looking back up at you, but it fell short. He brought your hands up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of yours as he stared hard into your eyes. You melted under his touch, but you bristled at the look.

“And the trooper?”

You stiffened, dropping your gaze as your jaw went slack. His hand pressed gently under your chin to tilt it up, forcing you to look at him.

“I heard what you said,” he whispered, eyes flicking back and forth between your own. Your body filled with guilt, shame even, as you feared he would be disappointed in the controversial action you had taken.

His hand drifted down to rest on the side of your neck, ghosting over the ever-fading bruises that remained there. “He deserved what he got. I’m just sorry I wasn’t the one to do it.”

The confirmation from his mouth that you had made the right decision was everything you needed in that moment. You let out a deep, shaky breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, and moved to rest your forehead against his.

You did not regret what you had done, you never would, and now you did not need to worry about what Poe thought of you.

He tilted his head back, pressing his lips against your forehead as he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “Have you gotten any sleep?” He asked.

You chuckled, reckoning the bags under your eyes were probably darker than usual if he had to ask that. “Yeah. I actually meant to come back last night after I showered but I passed out before I could. Snap woke me this morning- well, afternoon, really.”

“Good. I’m glad I don’t have to send you away early.”

“Speaking of Snap…” You hesitated. You weren’t sure where this was going to go.

“He told me... to ask you something.” Poe waited patiently as you took your time spitting out the words. “What changed after the Yissira Zyde?”

You watched as his expression went from relaxed to tense, lazy to… nervous? He shifted below you, averting his eyes as he took the chance to think about how he wanted to word it.

“Would it surprise you to hear I’ve wanted you since we were in the Academy?” His heavy-lidded gaze slid back over to meet yours, his voice low and gravelly and all things unspeakable. Your own body betrayed the seriousness of the moment and you pressed your thighs together to try to dull the ache that was already beginning to start.

“Flying with you after school, particularly in the same squadron… it made going to work every day mean so much more. It felt so right having you there by my side.”

You hardly dared to breathe should you interrupt him talking. 

“Then we got the call for the Yissira Zyde, and Muran’s ship was caught in its wake… he was gone, just like that.” He snapped his fingers together. “The first casualty under my direct command, in my own squad no less. I wouldn’t have been able to handle that if it had been you that day. When Leia offered us a place here, I made a selfish decision.”

You felt any lingering resentment around your reassignment to Blue Squadron fade away, understanding now it was not about your abilities as a pilot, his level of respect for you, or your willingness to follow his orders, but the fact that he cared far too deeply for you for his own good. To the point it interfered profoundly with his ability to function as your Commander.

“I didn’t want to be directly responsible for your safety. I needed to remove myself, have some sort of barrier between us. And knowing Black Squadron was going to be partaking in the worst missions, I didn’t want you there if we were taken out. I asked Leia to reassign you with Snap.”

That last part quirked your interest. “You requested his assignment, too?”

Poe nodded slowly, almost as if he was shy about admitting the next part. “I wanted someone I trusted to take care of you up there. He knew why without having to ask.”

It was a lot to take in. For years you had wrestled with self-doubt and questioned his judgement of you based on what happened after your arrival. Any constructive criticism or outright disapproval of your actions you had taken with utmost professionalism but silently withstood deep hurt within. Poe had made the conscious decision to allow you to resent him instead of telling you the truth.

“Why did you keep this from me?”

He sighed then, tilting his head as he brushed the hair out of your eyes and behind your ear. His finger trailed over your cheek where your healed wound sat, the sutures nearly ready to be removed. The silence between you two wasn’t uncomfortable. It was familiar and calm, and you were willing to give him as long as he needed.

His hand dropped down to finger the chain around his neck, flipping the ring back and forth between his fingers as he watched you. “After mom died, I didn’t want to get close to someone like that again. With you it came without warning and proved highly inconvenient to my carefully laid plans. Telling you all this would only serve to encourage a relationship, which was counterproductive.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, an amused smirk crossing your face.

“What if I wasn’t even interested in that?”

“I make dim-witted decisions sometimes, chica. But I’m not an idiot. You carried with you more than just disdain for me.”

“I think you know me better than I know myself,” you said.

“Yeah, I drew the short straw on that one.”

You whacked him on the chest, careful to restrain yourself. He started to laugh, his eyes creasing at the edges with delight. At least he had not lost his wit.   
You couldn’t help but join him, the serotonin desperately needed. “You know what? I like you, Poe.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he replied, pulling you down for a tight hug against his chest. “I know.”

* * *

Poe hadn’t been awake very long with you before the pain medication his nurse had given him had really started to take effect. He fought against it so ardently, not ready for your time together to end so quickly, but you had pressed a gentle hand to his shoulder and whispered for him to _sleep_.

You left the med bay with a spring in your step, feeling revitalized after your visit with him. Seeing him awake and talking like nothing had happened. 

You made your way down to Blue Squadron’s hangar, well aware you were currently grounded, but it had been a week since you set foot there. Not since the trooper had bashed your head in and attempted to kidnap you in the middle of broad daylight.

Laying your eyes on your starfighter made you giddy, your hand coming up to run along its side as walked up to it. “Hey, baby,” you murmured to it, the cool metal of the hull soothing against your palm.

“Hey yourself,” a sly voice spoke from the other side, and you ducked your head under to see who it was, despite that voice being as familiar to you as your own. 

“Tallie!” You replied, your face breaking out into a broad grin. You trotted around to the other side, taking in her sitting form underneath another X-Wing. It had been two weeks since hers went down in a lake on Rakata Prime. “She yours?”

“Arrived today,” Tallie beamed, working on some parts that sat on the floor in front of her. Her legs were outstretched, right foot encapsulated in a thick pink cast. Not much slowed that girl down. “She has a few issues, couple things that need tinkering with, but she’s solid and will be ready by the time I’m walking.”  
You admired the ship, noting the body was missing flap pieces here and there, some wire hanging out the belly and the fact that one side was being propped up on crates where the landing gear was busted. She was a work in progress, just like Tallie. At least it gave her something to do while she mended.

As you assessed her new starfighter, Tallie was watching you as she scrubbed a cylinder clean. 

“So, you and the Commander, eh?”

You ceased your appraisal, stopping in your tracks with your back to her and spun in place on your heels to face her. She had a dirty, shit-eating grin on her face as she went about her business intently cleaning the piece of metal in her hands. She didn’t meet your gaze.

“That bad?”

Tallie shrugged, continuing her motions. “Well, I mean, Jess caught you two in the middle of… whatever you were in the middle of doing. And then you come back clinging to him as they dragged him away…”

She trailed off, leaving you to fill in the missing pieces.

Jess talked. The flight crew in the hangar talked. The nurses talked.

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. The last thing you wanted to create was a sensation on the base, but it appeared it was too late.

“Don’t stress about it. Give them a week or two and they’ll move on to the next juicy gossip.”

You considered that, trying to let that advice calm your nerves a little. Being the centre of attention for any reason was not up your alley. That was Poe’s thing.  
You plopped down beside her, grabbing a turbine shaft and going to work scrubbing it. You sat in silence for a few minutes before you broke it abruptly.

“We banged in the jungle before got blown to smithereens.”

Tallie fumbled the cylinder and dropped it, freezing in place, before raising her hand to hit you hard on your upper arm.

“You WHAT!”

You broke into another wide grin, laughing with her as you hung your head and really let it loose. Your shoulders heaved as you both leaned into each other for support, tears escaping out your shut eyes. You hadn’t laughed like that in… a long time.

The two of you eventually composed yourselves, wiping your faces dry as you came down from the high. Tallie cleared her throat.

“OK, enlighten me. How big is it?”

You didn’t know how long you sat there with her, spilling every intricate detail, elated to be in her warm presence again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received my Covid vaccine today! Things have been slow to get moving in Canada but looks like it's picking up now. I hope everyone is doing well in these trying times.
> 
> As always, thank you all for the kudos/comments/bookmarks. They mean a lot to me.


	10. I'd Give Up Forever To Touch You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls

Poe was released from the med bay after four days. He tried escaping on them twice only to be caught by a nurse and dragged back to his bed. They finally agreed to let him go when his pain levels were better under control and he didn’t require an IV anymore. He was released with strict instructions to do nothing but rest for the next two weeks. No flying, no exercising, no strenuous activities of any kind.

That didn’t stop him from trying to get back into your pants, though. Unfortunately for him, you were serious about following his doctor’s orders. He had sought you out as soon as he left the med bay, grabbing your arm as he came up behind you in the hallway and pushing you into an empty storage room to your right.

His mouth was on yours the moment the door closed, the automatic light flicking on as it sensed your movements. He had you pressed up against the wall, pushing his hips into yours as he ran his hands down to cup your ass. You melted under him, giving in to his touch for a few minutes until your mind came back to you. Your hands moved up to grip his shoulders, gently pushing him back so you could pull your mouth away.

“Slow down there, flyboy,” you said, catching your breath as you brought your hands up to cup his face.

“I thought you liked it fast?” He asked cockily, moving to press his lips to the underside of your jaw. His thick stubble tickled your chin, sending shivers down your spine and it took everything you had to push back against him again.

“You’re not supposed to be doing this for two weeks,” you replied, purposely ignoring his question, regardless of how right he was.

He paused, resting his forehead against your collarbone as he groaned. Sighing, he raised his head and asked. “Who told you?”

You brought your left wrist up to show him your commlink. “They gave me report when you left ‘cause they knew damn well you wouldn’t listen.”

Poe made a noise of frustration, leaning his forehead against yours as he regulated his breathing back down to a normal rate. You threaded your fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp as he rested against you. It was nice to just stand there in each other’s arms, pressed up against one another, sharing the same space as you relished his presence.

After a few minutes he pulled away, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before stepping back and composing himself. “Two weeks, huh?” He asked.

You smirked, smoothing out your hair and clothes. “Two weeks.”

“Alright. But you’re gonna be in for it when those two weeks are up.”

That made your heart flutter, the familiar heat creep back up at the thought of it.

“Looking forward to it, Commander.”

He groaned at that, punching the door release as he adjusted himself. You couldn't help the grin that spread across your face at his annoyance.

* * *

Two weeks went by agonizingly slowly, for the both of you, but you hid it the best you could. The last thing you wanted to do was have to explain to Leia why you were responsible for Poe’s sudden and unexpected setback. Being on the other end of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber would be less intimidating.

It didn’t stop him from casually slipping a hand down your front as he hugged you from behind, or nipping your jaw as he pulled away from a quick kiss. He was giving you small reminders of what he was capable of making you feel, and it was excruciatingly frustrating. You may or may not have taken care of some of that yourself before bed.

When day fourteen arrived, you were out on a scouting mission with your squadron around D’Qar. It was routine, a normal run to check for anything suspicious or unusual. It was another clean sweep, something you normally would consider boring, but you were just glad to be back in the cockpit of your X-Wing after nearly a month off. 

Hours later, you were bringing her back down on the landing pad just outside hangar four. As you climbed out, the airfield crew were already hooking up to drag her inside and you gave them a small wave as you passed by. Your eyes scanned the area for Poe, fully expecting him to be waiting for you, but he was nowhere to be found. Maybe his doctor didn’t give him the all-clear today? You frowned, suddenly worried.

You stopped by the ready room briefly to hang up your life vest and slip out of your flight suit. You felt sweaty and gross from being in it so long. The high temperatures and humidity on the planet today were suffocating.

You made your way back to your room deep in thought. You decided you’d have a quick shower and then go look for him.

As you entered, you didn’t bother switching on a light as you automatically turned towards the fresher, the room memorized in your head from living there for so long. You flicked the button on, not keen on showering in the dark. You were about to lean down to turn the water on when firm hands gripped your waist from behind.

You jumped, startled, and brought your elbow back against whoever was holding you. You connected and heard a familiar groan, your eyes going wide as the hands released their grip and you turned around. Poe stood there, holding his rib cage where you had hit him, the other hand bracing against the wall. “Seven hells, woman. It’s just me.”

You breathed out a sigh of relief, feeling instant guilt as he cradled his sore ribs. You moved forward and slid your hand under his, gently rubbing the area. “I’m sorry, you just scared me. How’d you get in, anyway?”

He stood more upright, hand falling from its place on the wall to wrap around your waist and pull you in closer. “I may’ve had help.”

You rolled your eyes, making an unimpressed face at him. BB-8. That little droid was just as mischievous as his owner.

“Figures,” you murmured as he started to press kisses to the side of your face, trailing them down the side of your neck.

“I’m guessing they cleared you?” You asked, feeling yourself give in to him anyway. You weren’t sure you’d be able to reject him again, regardless of what he would say.

“Would I be here if they didn’t?” He asked, not stopping his ministrations.

You snorted, most unpleasantly. “Yes.”

“That’s true. But yes, they cleared me for light duty.”

“This is considered light duty?” You asked cheekily, running your hands up his back as he moved down to the swell of your breasts.

“Depends on how hard you want it.”

You shuddered at that, feeling the heat pool between your legs already. Even without the alcohol and spice, his touch was electrifying on your body.

He stopped, standing back up, and began unbuttoning the front of your shirt. His fingers moved deftly, but frustratingly slow. His hooded gaze never left yours as he worked, fixing you with his hungry stare as each button came undone. When it hung open, he grazed his fingers back up to flip underneath the collar, leisurely sliding it off of your shoulders and letting it fall to the floor.

You were breathing heavy now, your chest heaving under your taut sports bra. His hands moved down to your pants, unbuckling your belt and sliding the zipper down before pushing it off your hips. He let you use him for balance as you kicked them off.

You stood before him then, in just your underwear, as he stood fully clothed. You reached forward to start lifting his shirt off but he stopped you, wordlessly pushing your hand away as he gripped your bra and lifted it over your head as you raised your arms up for him.  
He eyed you with such admiration you were quickly becoming self-conscious, your arms coming up to cover yourself. He stopped you, grabbing your wrists and pulling your hands away.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “You’re beautiful.”

You bit back tears, overcome with so many emotions, wondering why you, of all people, were lucky enough to have this man in front of you. He leaned forward and kissed you, sliding his tongue in without waiting for you to let him. He continued to hold your wrists to the side, backing you against the wall and pinning you there. You wiggled against his hold, moaning into his mouth as you did so, desperate to touch him. When he didn’t let you free, you moved your hips forward instead, grinding hard against his pelvis. He stuttered, breaking the kiss as he gasped, and you nipped at his lower lip. 

He slowly opened his eyes to meet yours, his heavy gaze burning into you as he dropped your wrists. While one hand made its way down to your pooling heat, the other wrapped his fingers around your throat, squeezing lightly on either side. Your eyes rolled back in your head as his fingers plunged deep into you at the same time, eliciting an embarrassingly loud moan that echoed through the fresher.

Poe pressed his forehead hard against yours, biting down on his lip and breathing loudly through his nose as he fought to restrain himself. It was easy to see he was teetering on the brink of just taking you right then, and as much as you wanted him to, you also wanted this to last as long as it could.

You were having your own patience issues. You gripped the edge of his pants and flicked the button open, undoing the zipper as you slid your hand inside and cupped him. His jaw dropped open at your touch, silent as you began to stroke him. You swiped the precum off the tip and rubbed it along his shaft, excruciatingly slowly, just as he had done to you.

He worked his fingers in your cunt, bringing your slick up to your clit where he rubbed in even circular motions. You felt your hand falter as you were losing your concentration, mind focused on the tightly sprung coil that was burning deep in your core. You were about to cum, and you opened your mouth to tell him but you didn’t get a chance. A blinding white light covered your vision, eyes shutting tight against the sensation of a million different explosions happening all at once.

Poe noticed your body tense as you came, fingers closing tighter around your throat, never stopping his rhythm below as he helped you ride out the orgasm.

As you came down he slowly released you, hand moving to wrap around your waist to hold you steady until you were able to support your own weight on your shaky legs. He slid his hand out of your cunt and reached down to start the water, checking the temperature to make sure it was warm enough before hooking his fingers around your underwear and sliding them off. 

You were still in a daze, leaning back against the wall as he undressed himself in front of you. _Fuck, he’s gorgeous_ you thought. But going by the look on his face, you had said it out loud.

“I know,” he said as he smirked, grabbing you and pulling you into the hot stream. It felt so good on your sore muscles. You turned in his arms, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips before pulling away and sliding down until you were on your knees. He leaned back against the shower wall, the water cascading against your back as you ran your tongue along his length and then wrapped your lips around his tip, sucking lightly as your hands gripped his thighs. Your nails dug in as you flicked your tongue along his slit, one hand coming over to grip him as you started to take him deep into your mouth.

His head hit the shower wall with a thud as he groaned out a “Fuck, baby,” in a voice that only served to encourage you further. Your hand and mouth moved in unison, stroking him from base to tip as you worked. You cupped his balls with your other hand, gently massaging them as you looked up at his absolutely wrecked expression. 

You were only down there for a few minutes before he threaded his fingers in your hair and gripped, pulling your head back and off of him. “I’m going to cum if you don’t stop that.”

You grinned, licking your lips as you continued to rub his balls. “Is that such a bad thing?”

He gripped your arms with both hands and pulled you up, dropping his head to capture you in a searing kiss that made your knees weak all over again. “It is when I still need to fuck you senseless. I didn’t wait two weeks to lose it in your mouth.”

You shuddered, complying as he turned you around and pushed on your back, bending you over. You gripped the railing in front of you, arching your back as you spread your legs for him. He ran a finger through your wet folds, placing himself at your entrance as he gripped your ass cheek tightly, sending a wave of pain and pleasure through you. You could feel the tip press in and you were clenching in anticipation, your hips pressing backwards to try and take more. He let you, slowly moving forward at the same time until he was buried to the hilt inside you.

You both let out a strangled cry at that, your knuckles going white as they gripped the rail. Poe ran his hands up your back, rubbing you up and down as he let you have a moment to adjust before he started to set a rough pace. His hands gripped your hips, holding you in position as he pounded into you from behind.

You couldn’t do anything but will your legs to hold up against the pleasure, your eyes shut tight as you delighted in the sounds he was making behind you. The shower still poured hot down your back, causing the sounds of his hips connecting with yours to be especially loud in the echo of the fresher. You weren’t sure if the person next door could hear, but right now you really didn’t fucking care.

Poe continued to rail into you from behind, choking out praises as he took you. His rhythm was beginning to falter at the same time you felt a second orgasm climbing. You relaxed into the feeling, letting it overwhelm your senses. Poe reached a hand forward to grasp onto your shoulder, and you tilted your head to rest against it as you reached your peak. You clamped down hard around him, crying out as wave after wave of pleasure rolled over you. He gasped, his hips stopping abruptly as he came right after you, spilling his cum deep inside you. He thrusted a couple more times as he finished, leaning forward to rest himself against your back. 

You released a hand from the railing and brought it to grasp his that was still holding onto your shoulder. He threaded his fingers through yours, holding tight as he took the time to regain his composure.

After several moments like that, connected as you relished in the afterglow, you felt him move as he stood up straight again, sliding himself out of you. Your cunt clenched around nothing at the loss, already aching to have him again. He helped pull you back up, wrapping his arms around you from behind as he held you tight against his chest.

“That was amazing,” you breathed out, resting your head back against his shoulder. He pressed lazy kisses down along your jaw and neck.

“That was only round one,” he murmured against your skin, and you giggled.

Right here in this moment, everything was OK again.

* * *

Round two was equally satisfying. And you were discovering round three was just as good. 

As Poe’s tongue swirled around your clit, you bucked your hips into his face, tossing your head back against the pillow. He chuckled, the vibration extra stimulating against your swollen nub. You had lost count at how many orgasms you had that day, or how long you two had been at it in between power naps. You were thankful your commlink had not gone off once since you returned home.

When he slid two fingers inside you and bent them to stimulate your g-spot, you simultaneously wanted to pull away and wanted more of it. You were oversensitive from the last few hours of mind blowing sex, but you couldn’t get enough. You bit down on your hand, stifling the screams that were threatening to come out. 

“Don’t hold back, baby,” he said, leisurely licking at your clit as his fingers worked inside you.

You couldn’t even form a single coherent thought, so answering him was out of the question. You ripped your hand out of your mouth to grab at the pillow beneath your head, hanging onto it for dear life.

Poe went back to sucking on you, causing you to squirm underneath him. You felt another orgasm building painfully as you rolled your hips up into his face. You bent your knees, bracing your heels against the mattress as the tension snapped and you came in his mouth.

As you laid there entirely spent, Poe lapped at your cum that was trickling out after he pulled his fingers from you. You were half asleep by the time he made his way up your body, guiding your thigh over his hip as he slid his hard cock into you. You felt like you were on another plane of existence altogether at the feeling, wrapping your arms around his neck as you buried your fingers into his hair and tugged. He tucked his face into the crook of your neck, moving slowly inside you. It was different from the last two times. His touch was gentle, soft, as he held you beneath him.

You relished in the feeling, bringing your other thigh up to wrap your heels together atop his ass. It gave him better access, and you believed as though he was quite literally rearranging your insides as you felt him go deeper.

Still, he didn’t speed up. His hands that had been holding your sides came up to rest on either side of your head as he rested his weight on his forearms, lifting his gaze to yours. His eyes were soft, filled with deep affection for you as he slowly pumped into you.

Your eyes started to well then, hot tears brimming as you tried to hold them back. Poe leaned down, giving you a bruising kiss as his hands cupped around your head and held you tight. You slid your tongue into his mouth, entangling with his as tears slid down the side of your face.

With your lips entwined, Poe came. His tongue was deep in your mouth as he moaned loudly, breaking the kiss to catch his breath and let out another strangled gasp. You clung to him, legs tightening around his waist as if for dear life. You couldn’t get close enough to him.

He rested his weight against you as he recovered, slowly pressing kisses to the side of your temple where the tears had trailed a path down. He lifted his head to kiss the corner of your eye before nuzzling his nose with your own. “Why the tears, sweetheart?”

You kept your eyes shut, swallowing hard against the panic that was rising. “I thought you were dead.”

He lifted himself up a little higher, looking at your entire face with concern. His thumbs were rubbing your cheeks on both sides soothingly.

“Look at me,” he said.

You did, without hesitation. 

“I’m right here. With you, right now.”

You bit back more tears. “You don’t understand, Poe. I held your lifeless body while I waited for them to come. I had to keep my fingers on your pulse to know you were still alive. I thought at any moment you were going to slip away.”

He shushed you quietly, wiping away the extra tears that fell as you talked. “You can’t think about that anymore. You got me back, and here I am. Here with you.”

You let out a shaky sigh, sniffling as you leaned up a little to press a kiss to his lips. He returned it with more effort, pressing your head back into the pillow. He released you, rolling slowly over to your side and slipping his softening cock out as he pulled you into his embrace. You curled into it, tucking your head under his chin as your finger twirled itself absentmindedly around his chain.

“I never thanked you for getting me back here,” he said softly, and his voice vibrated in his chest against you.

“You don’t need to,” you replied. “You would do the same for me. You did do the same for me.”

Poe let out a thoughtful noise, stroking your hair with his free hand that wasn’t trapped underneath you. “I almost killed him that day.”

You pulled back a little to look up at him, surprised. “Really?”

He nodded, looking down at you. “Seeing him on top of you like that, hurting you, it filled me with rage. When I ripped him off of you, I pulled my blaster out. Snap stopped me, told me to look after you instead. That they would deal with him.”

You were surprised at him admitting this, considering he had been against executing the trooper when you had fought for it. That was the more rational side of Poe Dameron. You acknowledged that was part of the reason why he had been such an easy choice for a Commander. Hot-headed, yes. But also logical, calculating, reasonable. He was able to put his personal wants aside in favour of what was best for the Resistance.

“Sometimes I wonder if we hadn’t gone for that walk, what would’ve happened.”

He _hmm’d_ , dropping his hand from your hair to your back, where he rubbed up and down it in soothing strokes. “Well, for starters, you wouldn’t be laying here in absolute bliss.”

You would’ve whacked him then if you could, but you had to settle for a slight shove as he pressed you to him and laughed. “Who says I wouldn’t be with someone else?”

He shrugged, “Maybe you would have, but I doubt you’d be as satisfied as you are now.”

You playfully rolled your eyes, unable to deny that fact. Nobody had touched you quite the way Poe had. The way he ignited every flame within you so easily made you lose all rational thought.

You were so deeply in love you were in trouble. It made you vulnerable, and that was profoundly unsettling. But laying there in his arms in this moment, warm and comforting, didn’t seem so frightening.

“I don’t want this to ever end,” you murmured.

“It doesn’t have to,” he replied, taking his hand from your back to trail a finger along the bridge of your nose, down to the tip where he then caressed it over your lips. He hooked his finger under your chin and raised it as he pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

You sighed into him, drinking in his touch. “We have jobs to get back to.”

“They can fly without me.”

“Flying is everything to you. You won’t just give that up.”

He didn’t reply right away. Instead, he just looked at you, with those soft brown eyes and insanely long dark eyelashes. You weren’t sure if you would ever be able to look at him and not be struck by how absolutely gorgeous he truly was.

“I wouldn’t for just anyone.”

Your breath hitched. “Don’t even joke about that.”

He brushed your hair back behind your ear, never taking his gaze off of you. “I’m not joking.”

You shifted uncomfortably. You didn’t like the fact that he would drop everything for you. Flying was his lifeblood, his purpose, and it wasn’t right that you were good enough for him to quit if that was what you wanted. Nothing, nobody, should be that important.

He sighed deeply, sensing your distress. His eyes changed then, a heavy sadness creeping in to smother out the twinkle that had been there. “I’m tired, baby. I’m tired of watching my pilots die. I’m tired of trying so hard only to watch the First Order grow stronger. Sometimes I truly wonder if we will come out of this in one piece. And it just breaks my heart.”

Your eyes welled at his blatant honesty, but you held the tears back, needing to be strong for him. Everything he said was everything you felt, too. It was exhausting. Emotionally, physically, mentally exhausting. How much longer could this go on?

“We will make it,” you said, wrapping your arm around his neck to thread your fingers into his thick hair. “This is what they want. They want us to feel hopeless, alone. But we can’t let them get to us. We are stronger than that.”

His eyes closed as you massaged the back of his head, taking in your words as you spoke softly but sternly to him. You wondered how long he felt like this, grateful he was comfortable enough with you to share such deep, dark feelings. It helped to know you weren’t alone in your desolation.

“We’ll make it,” he repeated back to you, barely above a whisper, as he opened his eyes to look at you again. “I promise we’ll make it.”

He wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you in tight as he covered your mouth with his, kissing you deeply. It quickly intensified, your entire body buzzing with want as he rolled on top of you. Everything outside of your room didn’t exist at this moment. 

It was just you and him, existing here and now. Making the most of whatever time you had left together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're officially halfway through!
> 
> I finished Chapter 14 today. A little behind on where I want to be but I didn't have the motivation to write in the last week, so progress has been a bit slow. That's still two weeks of updates, though. So I should be fine for staying on schedule :)
> 
> Also, my tumblr is battleoftakodana if anyone wants to add me!


	11. Talk Some Sense To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I Found" - Amber Run

The weeks went by without much commotion. Pilots were returning from missions with hardly anything to report. There had been no sightings of anything First Order, and while in a sense that was good news, it unsettled you.

It was too quiet. A false sense of security. You weren’t sure what it meant, but you knew it wasn’t good.

In between completing missions for Leia, you and Poe spent every minute together that you could find. You didn’t hide it from everyone else, either. If you were going to die tomorrow, you didn’t want any regrets.

You sat just outside hangar four, leaning up against the concrete wall as you watched people flutter here and there with their duties. BB-8 wandered aimlessly, his melancholy beeping not helping your current state of mind. You twisted your hands together nervously, your stomach churning as you waited for Black Squadron’s return. Leia had sent them on one of the most dangerous undertakings since you joined the Resistance.

Operation: Sabre Strike.

Locate and steal the Hevurian Grace. A Pinnicle-class luxury ship belonging to New Republic Senator Erudo Ro-Kiintor.

Leia was sure the Senator was involved with the First Order, sharing secrets of the New Republic and aiding their efforts to overthrow the State by blocking crucial votes that would be detrimental to the Imperial remnant. His ship would be carrying valuable information for the Resistance.

You looked over to where Black Squadron’s X-Wings sat, unused this time, as they had been dispatched in Z-95 Headhunter Starfighters instead. Part of their plan to disguise themselves as criminals.

You had been against the idea from the beginning, for personal reasons. The plan was solid, and made perfect sense – in fact, if it worked out, Leia would have the information she needed to present to the New Republic that they had been infiltrated. That the First Order was plotting against them right under their noses.

However, knowing Poe would be out there, with just his own crew to aid him, roiled your stomach and made you nauseated. You had your head in the toilet that morning, before you had to say goodbye, not knowing if it was the last time.

“I’ll come back, I always do,” he said to you, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he wrapped his arms around you.

Contrary to what you felt, Poe was excited about the possibility of stealing such a grand ship. In fact, he was as giddy as a schoolboy discovering his first crush.

“You can’t be sure of that. Just be safe, and don’t do anything stupid,” you murmured into his chest.

The rumble of his chuckle reverberated against your head. “Look at who you’re talking to.”

You pulled back in his arms, looking up at him with a stern face. “I’m serious.”

He tilted his head, brushing your hair behind your ear as his grin slowly faded. His finger trailed over your cheek where your faded scar sat, tracing it before dropping his hand.

“I know,” he said, more seriously. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

You held it together as he got in his Starfighter, standing just off to the side as he fired up the engines. He gave you a wink and blew you a kiss before taking off, and once he was out of sight, you let the tears flow.

Waiting was the hardest part. You didn’t want to be in the communications room in case it went south. You didn’t want to hear their panicked voices or watch the ships fall off the radar. You didn’t want to hear the last time Poe spoke through the comms.

So, you waited outside the hangar. Watched the bustling activity of the mechanics in front of you, and surveyed the cloudless blue sky for any sign of their return.  
Time went by as slowly as it possibly could. Your ass would get sore, your joints stiff as you sat on the ground, so you stood and stretched. Pacing back and forth, you looked over to Black One and felt your curiosity increase.

You ambled over to it, eyeing her grandiosity as she stood there tall and proud, her black and orange paint now littered with grazes from laser cannons. You ascended the ladder up to the cockpit, climbing inside and plopping down into his seat. It was larger than what was in the standard X-Wing, your hips having more room on either side. It felt like you were a child in an adult's spot.

You relaxed back into the seat, closing your eyes as you imagined him sitting there, flying like no other pilot ever had. Sometimes you wondered if he was force sensitive. His capabilities behind the yoke were almost supernatural.

Opening your eyes, you casually looked around at all of the controls and switches. Pretty much everything else was still in its same position. You narrowed your gaze at a picture tucked behind one of the navigation control knobs and grabbed it. It was from your graduation from the Academy. Snap and Kare were beside you, arms around each other, and Snap’s arm hanging over your shoulders. Poe was on your other side, standing close as his arm wrapped around your waist. You examined the way he stood there, holding you close, the body language screaming what either of you had been too afraid to admit.

You sighed, staring at that picture, wondering how you were so oblivious to the way he felt about you.

You tucked the picture back into place, careful to make it look the same as it had before you grabbed it. And just as you were about to get out, you heard a loud call and a siren go off. You shot out of the cockpit, skipping the ladder and just jumping down to the ground below as you took off running outside.

Looking up, your breath caught in your throat at the sight of the large cruiser slowly descending to the runway. 

_He fucking did it._

The three other Headhunters were close by, landing first just as the Hevurian Grace slowly edged down to settle in the middle of the landing strip. It was large, luxurious, something you had merely laid your eyes on while living on Coruscant. Only the rich had the privilege of such lavish accommodations.

You stood in front of the ship, arms crossed, as you watched her power down. You could see him through the transparisteel as he stood up and fiddled with a few more levers and switches before disappearing out of view.

You were finally able to relax your tense shoulders as you watched him descend the ramp fully intact and uninjured. He talked briefly with another pilot, instructing them to do something as he pointed back to the hangar and they eagerly trotted off.

You watched as his eyes scanned the crowd of people that had accumulated since the ship landed, his gaze falling on you as a wide smile spread across his face. He pointed at you, breaking into a run as he made his way over to you. You braced yourself, automatically expecting a tackle, but he bumped into you and grabbed you around your hips, lifting you up against him.

You grabbed his head on either side, pulling his face back as you leaned down and kissed him hard, your tongue sliding into his mouth easily as he drank you in.

He slowly slid you back to the ground, not breaking the kiss until you were supporting your own weight entirely on your own. He was panting, and you could feel the adrenaline coursing off him.

“I just stole a ship.”

You laughed, cupping his cheek with your hand. “You stole a ship.”

“I want to do it again.”

“I don’t think so.”

He pressed another kiss to your lips. “You should’ve seen it. TIE’s everywhere, a Star Destroyer and a Nebulon-K. I could’ve taken that, too. I offered to Leia to bring one of those back one day-”

You shut him up with a hand over his mouth, raising your eyebrows sky high as you stared at him with bewilderment. “Excuse me?”

You released your hold, watching him as he buzzed with excitement. He didn’t seem to truly register how close to death he had gotten this time. “The First Order showed up to protect the Senator, but we got out of there. I told you I’d come back.”

You stepped back and ran your fingers through your hair, gripping it at the back of your neck as you realized just how close he was to breaking his promise.

“Baby, hey-” He reached forward to tug you back to him, pulling you in tight against his chest. You could feel his heart beating beneath your head, fast and even.

“It’s fine, I’m fine,” he muttered, holding you snug. He rested his chin on the top of your head as he regulated his breathing to match your own.

The two of you just stood there in silence, embracing each other on the runway, oblivious to the bustling activity around you. The steady rhythm of his heart and breathing helped calm you, helped bring you back to reality away from the what-ifs.

When he felt you relax, he slowly let you go, holding onto your upper arms as he leaned down for another swift kiss. Your nerves lingered just faintly, but you felt more relaxed than you had several minutes ago.

“I have to go report off to Leia, but then I’m coming for you,” he said, backing away from you in the direction of the hangar.

“Coming for me, huh?”

“You have no idea.”

He winked and turned around, jogging off towards the communications hub. You felt your nether regions clench, the fair warning sending shivers down your spine. You bit your lip, unable to hide the smile that forced its way forward. Surviving a First Order attack and stealing a Senator’s luxury ship?

Oh yes, you were in for it.

* * *

It wasn’t long before the techs and C-3P0 were able to retrieve the information they needed from the Hevurian Grace. It confirmed everything Leia had been suspecting. A mole within the New Republic, right in the middle of the Senate, filibustering votes as often as he could. It severely compromised any effort the Republic made against the First Order.

You were sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling your shirt over your head as Poe rubbed your back as he lay beside you. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He piped up.

You glanced at him, a soft smirk prying at your features. “Once or twice.”

He _hmm’d_ , trailing his finger up and down, sending shivers across your back. “I should be doing that more often.”

You nodded in agreement, chuckling softly. “Can’t argue with that.”

There was a moment’s pause where the silence was comforting, relaxing, familiar.

“Leia’s organizing another mission,” he said suddenly, quietly.

“Oh yeah?” You asked, without turning around. A part of you was still salty about not being a part of Black Squadron, missing out on the interesting missions while you just did security runs and provided backup. 

“She wants to find her brother. Thinks a guy named San Tekka has information on where he is. She’s sending us to Ovanis to speak with the locals. Apparently he lived with them for a while.”

You nodded along, listening but not really. You weren’t sure if you wanted to know the details of his next assignment. It only made you nervous.

His hand stilled. “I want you with me.”

You froze, whipping your head towards him to scrutinize his face for any deception. When you found none, you furrowed your brow, finding yourself stumbling over a response to that.

“You want me to come with you?” You asked in disbelief. 

Poe nodded slowly, looking you up and down. His hand rested on the side of your hip, waiting patiently for your answer.

“Of course I will. But… why?”

He breathed in deeply, letting out a long sigh as he picked at the edge of your shirt. “I’ve held you back for years because of my own selfish choices. You deserve this.”

You smiled at that, lifting your hand to rest it on his face. “Thank you, Poe,” you whispered.

He gripped your hip with his hand as he gazed at you with adoration. “They’re still finalizing the details, but I expect we will depart tomorrow.”

“Count me in,” you replied, rubbing your thumb in soft strokes along his cheekbone.

* * *

Your blue and silver X-Wing stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the sharp black and orange of Black Squadron. The mechanics had moved her over to bay four for pre-flight checks, ensuring she would not be missed.

As they moved around, inspecting the Starfighters with a keen eye, you did your best to avoid getting in their way. You weren’t used to early morning runs. Being safety detail for D’Qar meant you usually went out at varying hours each day, never creating a discernible pattern for anyone to track. It was rare you were up before the sun was.

Yawning wide, you covered your mouth with the back of your hand, blinking away the tears that clouded your vision from it. Someone gave you a pat on the back, and you turned to see Jess coming up to stand beside you.

“Not a fan of early mornings, or were you just up late again?” She said, giving you a wink.

You suppressed a grin, biting your lip to stifle it. Shaking your head while looking forward at the mechanics working on Black One, you let a singular chuckle loose. “A little bit of both.”

Jessika’s face broke into surprised amazement, laughing as she raised her hand to give you a high five that you gladly returned. “You continue to surprise me every day, Captain.”

You let that smirk cross your face then, reveling in the pride you felt at having the Resistance Commander in your bed so frequently. You must be doing something right.

He was doing _everything_ right.

You looked over at the giant clock on the wall, its red numbers illuminating bright in the dimly lit hangar. It was already well past your scheduled departure time, and nobody seemed to be making any move to get the ships out. “What’s the hang up?” You asked, looking around as if the answer would be clearly laid out in front of you. Nothing stood out.

“Apparently,” Jess started, pointing briefly over to Black One before dropping her hand back to her side. “Poe’s ship had some sort of malfunction on the test warm up. They’re dealing with that right now.”

BB-8 was whirring around the hangar in aimless wandering, beeping loudly at his displeasure at not being allowed to help while they worked.

Poe, who was now standing with Leia off to the far side discussing last-minute details, had already tried to convince the droid to wait patiently. BB-8, in his disgruntlement, flipped open his torch lighter in a gesture you were sure was not a thumbs-up.

Finally, the mechanics popped a panel back into place, cleaning up their tools as they dispersed from around the lead ship. The Chief gave a wave and an “All good!” before heading off to his office. The tech aides hooked up each X-Wing and towed them outside in an orderly line, unhitching their line as they reached their spot. You followed beside yours, amused at how out of place she looked being the only one.

Your R2 unit buzzed behind you as your ship came to a halt. “Up you go, then.”

You watched him ascend, pulling your helmet on and fingering the buckles as you stood beside the ladder. A hand grazed your ass as you stood there, gently but not accidentally, and you turned as Poe walked by you. He crooked his head in your direction to meet your eyes, giving you a mock two-fingered salute and a devilish smile before continuing on his way. You were so caught off guard you momentarily forgot what you were doing.

That man knew his effect on you and took every opportunity to exploit it.

Slapping yourself in the face a few times, you whispered a low _pull yourself together_ before climbing up and in to your cockpit.

The journey to Ovanis was ordinary. It was only about a two hour ride there, being situated fairly close to D’Qar. A small, mountainous planet “at the back-end of the galaxy. Shouldn’t have any trouble,” as Leia had put it. You could only cringe at those words. It was the equivalent of inadvertently jinxing the entire operation. But perhaps that was just your own superstition.

Poe had filled you all in on the details on the flight over. Jess, Karé, and Iolo would remain in the air as cover while you and Poe landed. You would stay back by the ships while he conversed with the inhabitants for the information he needed. People even more superstitious than yourself – the Créche. Worshippers of some sort of… egg. Disciples that believed they were safeguarding their ultimate Saviour. It was all a bunch of mumbo jumbo, in your opinion.

You all followed Black One across the terrain, surprised at how deep some of the peaks appeared to drop. You wondered if there was even a bottom down there, far below the summit. Would you keep tumbling in some kind of continuous everlasting freefall if you were shot down?

“There it is – that cavern.” Poe’s voice lilted over the comms. The other three pulled away then, bringing their X-Wings around to circle higher above.

“Good luck down there, Poe. We’ll keep an eye up here,” Jess said as she flew off to the far right. You stayed on his tail, descending slowly as you approached the large, dark mouth of the cave ahead. If the planet itself was not a giant, unsettling picture, the fact that you were meeting these cultists in a rock hollow was evidence enough.

You brought your Starfighters down together, landing one after the other and shutting the engines down. You tossed your helmet off before getting out of the cockpit, hand resting on the butt of your blaster that was strapped to your hip as you eyed the empty cave in front of you.  
Poe was already down on the ground, looking around himself. He glanced over to you, giving you an affirmative nod of his head in a silent message that it was safe.

You met him at the bottom of your ladder, hand back on your blaster, staying just off his hip as he moved deeper into the cave. There was nothing out here, no markings or other evidence of its occupation. When the large mouth closed in to a smaller tunnel, Poe raised his hand up to you, and you obliged. It went against every nerve ending in your body to remain behind while he went in alone, but you had too much respect for him to disregard orders on your first mission with Black Squadron.

So remain behind you did, anxiously watching his orange flight suit slowly disappear into the engulfing blackness of the passageway. You waited there, staring into the abyss, until you could no longer hear his footsteps echoing off the walls.

You went back to the ships, pacing around as you alternately looked between the cloudy grey skies and the empty corridor. You could only hear the faint rumble of the X-Wings above and the gusts of wind as it broke against the cavern wall. 

Your droids were talking to each other as they sat side by side, going on about some technical nonsense that you were paying no attention to. As much as you devoted hours to studying it in school, it was never your area of expertise, and after years of flying you had slowly forgotten most of it.

You were sure several hours had gone by with how long you had been waiting out there. In reality, it had probably been only two. You had relegated yourself to sitting on the ground with your back up against the landing gear, legs outstretched in front of you as you kept an eye on the mouth of the tunnel. Under less stressful circumstances, you might have been able to doze off with the quiet ambiance in the background.

Suddenly BB-8’s chirps got more insistent and louder. You frowned, leaning over on your forearm as you looked up at the little droid above. “Are you talking to me?”

BB-8 chirped indignantly; _YES_ , you translated. Droid speak was not your forte, either. Basic flight talk was all that you were used to.

He beeped so rapidly next that you had hardly enough time to try and translate what the little guy was communicating to you. You managed to catch a few words, however.

“Tracker? Leia doesn’t track us, BB-8. It’s too risky.”

He beeped again, slower, in a tone you were sure was making your lack of proficiency in tongues obvious.

“There’s a tracking beacon in his ship?” You asked incredulously. “Where?”

A long whirl, _fiiiiinalllllly_. A few more beeps. That panel, the same one you watched the mechanics fix back into place before your departure.

You got up, running over to the other side of the X-Wing to pry at the steel, popping the piece off and tossing it to the ground with an echoed clang. You started pushing wires out of the way and looking around, unable to find something straightaway.

“What am I looking for?”

Beep beep chirp beep. _Round orb with a flashing light. Hidden._

You continued to dig, careful not to knock anything out of place or tug out a wire. The last thing you all needed was Black One out of commission because you broke something. It was a mess of all things complicated, steel guts that you had no clue as to their purpose. 

Finally, elbow deep and now covered in swaths of grease, something winked at you. It was faint, a white light that slowly pulsed. You reached forward to wrap your fingers around the small sphere, hardly bigger than a control knob. It popped loose and you pulled your arms out, eyeing the device in the palm of your hand as panic began to rise. You blinked, staring at it with overt disbelief. The severity of the revelation hit you like a mudhorn in full heat.

Someone – specifically, one of those people you saw this morning – had placed a tracking beacon inside Poe’s ship. Someone on D’Qar. Someone within the Resistance.

Your head was spinning, and you glanced up to see BB-8 tilted down, staring at you with understanding behind his little photoreceptor.

You dropped the ball to the ground, crushing it with your heel until you saw the light fade out. Raising your wrist, you depressed the voice control. “Poe?”

There was no response. The comm crackled with static as you waited for a response. 

Trying again only met with the same non-reply. You looked back towards the tunnel, huffing in frustration as you realized he was probably too deep for the signal to work.

“Karé?” You tried, hearing their ships behind the clouds somewhere, but unable to lay eyes on them.

“Right here, girl,” she replied nonchalantly. “What can I do for you?”

“Black One had an active homing beacon inside a port side panel.

You were met with silence as she digested that information. You continued.

“I can’t reach Poe, the comm doesn’t have a signal. I’m going to go down there to let him know.”

She crackled back on the line. “Sounds good, Captain. We’ll do a sweep higher to see if we can see anything.”

Before you even had time to lower your wrist, a giant black platform slowly broke through the deep cloud cover. From directly below, it appeared to be a large, rectangular plate, with four separate propulsion engines in each corner that slowly lowered it towards the rocky surface. You didn’t know what it was, but you knew it wasn’t good.

“Karé?” You asked, dread washing over you. Her X-Wing came sweeping into view, circling around before disappearing back into the haze.

“First Order landing platform. TIE’s and ground assault crew on it. Get Poe and get out, we’ll keep them busy as long as we can.”

You didn’t reply, instead, you spun on your heel and booked it towards the opening of the tunnel, slowing down only slightly as you were suddenly submerged in the darkness. You ran your hands along the walls in front of you as you made your way as quickly through it as you could, careful to mind the sharp bends and turns that would appear. The only sound you could hear was your own footsteps and heavy breathing. Why the passageway was not lit was something you would never come to learn.

You made an abrupt right hand turn and a large, expansive room unexpectedly came into view. Large torches lined the arched stone, shaven down smooth unlike the rough walls that lined the entrance. At the far backside, a great blue egg sat upon a pillar of rock, emanating a glow of its own that dimmed the room in a cold tone despite the fire that burned.

Everyone within came to a sudden halt at your appearance, voices ceasing as they turned to stare at you. The sudden attention would have normally made you nervous, but you hardly had a chance to take note of it. 

Poe stood in the middle, deep in discussion with what you could only describe as their leader, unaware just yet of your arrival. He was oblivious still to what caught their curiosity.

“For the tenth time, I can’t join you. I just came for the information, not the egg. I don’t even like eggs, I mean, it’s a nice egg but-”  
His voice trailed off, aware he lost the attention of the leader. His eyes followed her gaze, which was now staring harshly in your direction, as if you had desecrated some holy ground. You ignored it.

“Your ship had a tracker. The First Order is here.”

His eyes widened at that, eyebrows raising high into his hairline as he turned around again to face the woman.

“Sooo…” He was met with dead silence as he tapped his hands on his thighs. It was vulgar amid the quiet.

“Any chance your Saviour can… save us?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay on this chapter. This past week was a very difficult one for me, and I didn't have the time or energy to edit and post. I haven't written anything, either. But I'm doing better now, so I should get Chapter 15 done this weekend.
> 
> I've immersed myself in Dune. About halfway through, and I love it so far. I don't know how this book escaped my attention for so many years, considering I love anything fantasy/sci-fi. I highly recommend you read it before seeing the movie this fall.


	12. The Sky Burns Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hurricane" - Tommee Profitt feat. Fleurie

Something large rocked the mountainside, sending vibrations through the cavern walls and causing rubble to tumble from the ceiling. You ducked in unison with everyone else, shielding your head from the falling rocks. Recovering quickly, you ran over to Poe’s side, leaning in to speak above the thunder.

“We have to go!”

You watched him scan the various tunnels that appeared to lead deeper into the ground before looking back to the elder again. “Is there another exit?”

Her mouth dropped open slightly, her eyes uncertain as she hesitated in her answer. “There’s one, but you’d never stay on the path and we cannot leave the egg-”

“I swear to-" He threw up his hands in exasperation. "I assure you, there will be more eggs to roost on! If we don’t leave now-” Poe was cut off by a sudden, eerie silence as the rumble ceased, and suddenly dozens of footsteps echoed in the hallway.

“They’re already here,” you muttered, your hands clenching in nervousness. You turned around as they breached the entrance, standing tall to feign a lack of intimidation.

An older, weather worn First Order officer lead an assembly of Stormtroopers into the cave, his hand flicking up briefly to direct them around each side. Swiftly you were entirely flanked, every exit cut off, and no defense but the blaster on your hip. There were roughly fifteen, by your hasty count. Far too many for two people and a cluster of unarmed religious zealots to take on.

Poe stepped forward, edging his shoulder in front of you ever so slightly. A look of recognition crossed his face as he swallowed, and you noticed by the slight bulge in his throat that it was not good news.

“Terex,” he said simply in greeting, his voice flat and uninspired.

The elder man smirked, ever so slightly, at the mention of his name. He stood rigid, his arms sliding around his back to clasp his gloved hands together as he faced Poe. His grey eyes scanned the room fleetingly, landing on the egg where he let his gaze rest before speaking.

“Caught like a rabbit in its den, aren’t we, Commander?” He spit, his stare snapping back to Poe in disapproval. “It’s a wonder where you get your arrogance from, young man, considering you share your table with turncoats.”

You could tell that was a hard bite to swallow, the way his jaw clenched as he grinded his teeth underneath his steady, calm exterior. You were having a harder time hiding your rage.

Poe nodded his head as he shrugged his shoulders, feigning casual indifference far too easily. How often had he done that with you over the years?

“Well, thanks to you, I’m aware of some spring cleaning that’s needed when I return.”

Terex laughed a grisly, hollow reverberation that was an assault on your ears. You grimaced.

“It amuses me you think you’re ever leaving this place. You, those X-Wings above, these fanatics, your… colleague here, will burn, but not before I get San Tekka’s location out of someone.”

He unclasped his hands, snapping his thumb and forefinger together as he signaled the troopers to engage. “The sooner you speak, the quicker I’ll let you all die.”

The Stormtroopers advanced, raising long-gunned flamethrowers up as they targeted the people within. Flames licked out the ends, causing the masses to scurry into the middle as tightly as possible to avoid the burn. Panicked cries resounded off the stone walls.

The fire caught at the bottom of the egg, quickly spreading until the entire base was alight. You and Poe looked around in shocked horror as the guardians began throwing themselves upon the pyre in an attempt to snuff out the flames.

You did the only thing that came to mind at that point. You pulled your blaster from your holster and aimed it at the man. 

“Call them off or I’ll pull the trigger,” you said, leveling your poised gaze at him as your stomach churned with fear. Several of the closest troopers moved their weapons to face you now.

Poe swiftly stepped between you and Terex, holding out both arms in either direction as he raised his hands in truce. “Let’s slow down a little here, shall we?”

Terex raised his own palm in a silent halt, and his troops obliged. A sickeningly sweet smile crossed his pale, aged features as he regarded you. An uneasy pause befell the cavern as the inferno continued to threaten the egg behind you.

“Perhaps I judged you too soon,” he started.

“I’ll do it.”

“Oh, I’m sure you will, my dear. Stupid is as stupid does. I thought you more calculating than that.”

“Enough-” Poe started, clearly annoyed, before an astonishingly loud bang echoed through the chamber. It sounded like a gunshot went off right by your head, but nobody had fired a weapon.

Every pair of eyes slowly turned as the blue egg, skirted in white-hot flames, cracked greatly up the centre of its shell. A deafening silence filled the room in its wake.

Suddenly, and without warning, a black winged creature leapt from within, shooting to the ceiling where it let out a shrieking call. It hovered there, stirring up dust with its great wingspan, as it regarded the group below with giant, dark orbs.

The believers dropped to their knees, foreheads to the ground as they lay their palms out in front of them, rejoicing in the arrival of their saviour.

The beast cut their celebration short, diving down to attack at random anyone it saw along the floor. The chamber erupted in absolute chaos, the First Order’s threat momentarily forgotten as people scrambled for their lives. Screams of pain and terror rang up from all sides.

Poe grabbed your hand roughly, seeing the window of opportunity that you had been oblivious to, and yanked you towards him as he ran for the tunnel you both had come down. Terex had been knocked off his feet in the upheaval, his focus now on the enormous monster above, and you didn’t look back as you followed Poe out.

You were unable to see a single thing as you clambered through the darkness, gripping his hand tight as you shadowed him. You tripped on an uneven outcropping, nearly going to your knees, but he held you steady.

The grey light that filtered in the entrance was a welcome sight. The two of you broke through the entryway in a full out sprint, your hands only unclasping as you reached your X-Wings and climbed in. The ongoing air assault above you was not missed, and your comm clicked back on as it regained its signal.

“Karé, talk to me!” You called to her as your engines roared to life.

Her surprised voice trickled over the comm. “Holding our own. We were starting to think you guys were dead.”

You flicked a few switches and lifted off, looking out your canopy for a visual.

“Yeah, long story,” Poe said, following close behind you. “Time to go before the dragon finds its way out.”

“The WHAT?” Jess screeched. The skies were littered with absolute disarray. Iolo’s ship went flying past you, chasing down a TIE that had come for your Starfighter.

“Like I said, long story.”

You began plugging in the coordinates for the jump, maneuvering yourself out of harm’s way while doing so. The TIE’s were relentless. They had you outmatched five to one and were going to reap the spoils soon enough. You started lifting towards the atmosphere, beyond ready to put Ovanis and all its bizarre inhabitants behind you.

“Circle around guys and follow me up. The jump point is just past the gravity well,” Poe said, and you caught sight of his X-Wing just out the left of your window.

You were about to hit the deep cloud cover, a saving grace in the madness, when two things happened at once.

The great mountain peak abruptly exploded, sending ruins into the air as the black dragon emerged from within, taking out several First Order ships as it did so. And Jess’s cries rang in your ear, sending chills down your spine in disbelief.

“I’m hit!”

You cursed loudly, not hearing what Poe was saying as you frantically looked for her. Her X-Wing, that had previously been climbing as steeply as you were, was now pitched downward as it descended rapidly to the surface. Thick smoke poured out the rear, a giant signal that one of your own was falling.

Your knee jerk reaction was to careen your Starfighter off course and dive for her. But as fast as it happened, she disappeared into the unknown depths below, hidden from view as the blackness beneath engulfed her ship. There was no crash, no giant plume of flames, just nothing. Like she suddenly ceased to exist.

“CAPTAIN! BRING YOUR STARFIGHTER AROUND!” Poe yelled desperately into your earpiece.

And with one last look at the vast emptiness below the mountain peaks in utter hopelessness, you did.

You ripped the suffocating helmet off of your head, letting it carelessly roll to your feet as it echoed your comrades’ voices. You hit the jump point in your own absolute desolate silence.

* * *

The Resistance lost members regularly. Ships would leave and never return, their signal vanishing in a mission gone bad. It was par for the course. War was not without its casualties, and it didn’t discriminate. Your friends were no exception.

Upon your return to D’Qar, it had been easy to nail down who the traitor was. The mechanics that you had seen that morning working on Black One were rounded up and interrogated, without compassion. You had wanted to be in there, to put your blaster to each of their heads and pull the trigger just as you had done with the trooper in the brig. You found yourself not even caring if they were directly involved. You just wanted someone to pay.

In the end, you didn’t know exactly what happened. Eventually one had confessed. The First Order had taken his family, blackmailed him into aiding their efforts to wipe out the Commander and whoever else they could. Of course he obliged. You were sure you probably would have, too, if you were in his shoes. But you weren’t, and you still wanted to end his life. Instead, you volunteered for the salvage mission in the days that followed.

Jess’s comm had died when her ship fell below the mountain peaks. Her X-Wing’s signal was nowhere to be found, either. You had lost count at how many sweeps you did over the area, finding nothing but the rubble that the dragon had left behind.

It got to a point where you hoped to find a crash site. Hoped to find the burnt wreckage so you could close the chapter in that book and move on. But life didn’t grant you that reprieve. 

After three consecutive days of searching, Leia called it off. And it was only then you let yourself break down in the blackness of your room.

Poe had given you space as you had waited for the traitor to talk, followed you out on every hunt as you clung to unfounded faith, watched as that hope faded with each passing sweep. 

And he mourned with you in the darkness, his arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders as he pressed his chin to the top of your head, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks as he listened to your sobs.

In her grace, Leia waited two weeks before organizing a funeral, in the slim chance that a miracle would unfold and Jessika would make contact with the base. When it never came, Leia made sure her picture was framed in the most elaborately coloured flowers on D’Qar, a testimony to her beautiful, lively personality. A great light was extinguished from the galaxy and the entire Resistance was affected.

You sat in front of her grave marker after the service, picking out the grass in front of you absentmindedly. Tallie approached and sat down beside you, wrapping an arm around your waist and leaning her head on your shoulder.

“I miss her so much,” she squeaked out, sniffling as she did so. Her voice was raw from crying, not unlike your own.

“I do, too,” you whispered, staring at her name that was engraved so skillfully in the metal post. You wondered who on base was the unlucky soul responsible for making those.

A long silence hung between you two before you spoke again. “I couldn’t do anything.”

Tallie squeezed you tighter. “Nobody could.”

* * *

It was later that night when you found yourself in the pilots’ ready room, busying yourself with cleaning and organizing everyone’s flight suits and life vests. A job typically delegated to a younger member of the Resistance that wasn’t ready for active duty. But here you were, unable to sleep at some ungodly hour and needing to focus on something so that you didn’t lose your mind with grief.

While the suits were being tossed around in the washer, you were hand scrubbing the vests. The dingy material was slowly revealing the original white underneath. You were careful around the control panel and hosing, while also checking for any signs of wear and tear. It was tedious work, but it kept you occupied.

The soft rumbling of the machine running was calming, lulling you into a trance as you fixated on your effort. At least you were being productive.

You didn’t hear the door open and close behind you as you finished with the vest, turning to hang it up to dry. Poe stood there, as exhausted as you felt, in simple grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His hair was messed, the five o’clock shadow on his cheeks prominent even in the dim light. The bags under his eyes told you he was having the same issue you were.

“What’re you doing down here at this hour?” You asked, slipping the vest over a hook on the wall and approaching him. His tired eyes followed your movements, a look of adoration ever present on his features.

“I went to your room first, but you weren’t there,” he replied, reaching for your arms as you neared him. He pulled you in, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and cradling the back of your head in his palm as he enveloped you in a hug.

“Checked your X-Wing next, but it was empty. I just started wandering around, figured I’d find you somewhere.” He rested his chin on the top of your head, his eyes closing as he soaked in the contact.

You let yourself mold to his body, comforted by his warmth. Looking back, you couldn’t imagine how you had kept your distance from him for so long.

“I’m glad you did,” you said, murmuring into his chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat matched your own.

Ever since that day on Ovanis, you had been so preoccupied with trying to find Jess. You had consoled each other into the wee hours of the night, eventually falling asleep wrapped in each other’s embrace. The two of you had been running on autopilot, just existing, the hollow feeling in your chest prominent as you dealt with the loss.

You pulled back slightly, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead. You lifted your hands to cup his face, stroking his cheekbones with your thumbs softly. He was looking at you with such profound affection it made your heart clench.

“I want to feel alive again, Poe,” you whispered, your gaze dropping to his mouth that twitched at your words. You met his eyes again. “Make me feel alive.”

His eyes darkened at your request, narrowing as he studied your face fleetingly. The hand on the back of your head pulled you forward as he crashed his lips to yours, full of his own desire and hunger for the connection you two shared.

You met him with the same fervor, tangling your fingers into his unruly curls as you pulled him desperately to you, rising to your toes as you pressed yourself into him. His tongue slid into your mouth without hesitation, eliciting a moan from deep within your chest. It fueled him on, his hands lowering to your waist as he pushed you backwards.

Your ass hit the table and he lifted you up onto it, his hand moving to your shoulder to lay you down on your back. You obligingly lifted your hips in the air as he pulled your trousers down and off, tossing them off to the side as he ran his hands up your legs tantalizingly slowly, eventually coming to rest against your hipbones.

You spread your legs for him, bending your knees to dig your heels into his ass to pull him closer. He leaned down over you, sliding your shirt up as he traced fleeting kisses up your stomach, leaving chills and butterflies in his wake.

Your whole body shuddered, twitching from the light contact that he ghosted over your skin. You closed your eyes as you relaxed back on the table, relishing the sensation as it overtook you. While his lips were busy on your chest, he slipped a hand down to run along your wet folds, dipping into your heat to trail your juices back over your clit. He swirled his fingers in a circular manner over the engorged bud, drawing out more strangled moans from you.

Your stomach went cold at the loss of his touch, and you were about to protest until you felt his tongue run up along your heat. You jumped at the stimulation, your eyes peaking open as you tilted your head down to the side. Poe was on his knees at the base of the table, his arms wrapped around your thighs as he buried his face into you. You couldn’t think straight as his tongue dipped inside, his fingers skillfully working at your clit. 

He dragged his tongue up to swirl over your bud, sucking on it as he slipped two fingers deep inside your cunt, curling to rub along that ridge. He set a rhythm like this, alternating between rolling his tongue over you and lapping it gently as he pumped his fingers in and out of you.

You felt the heat build, your eyes shutting again as your hands grasped for contact on the hard surface of the table. You squirmed beneath his touch, your hips bucking as he hit the sensitive spots over and over again. The only sounds in the room were your ungodly moans and the crude slurping of your juices against his hand and face.

It wasn’t long before you felt that familiar blinding wave crash over you, your entire body becoming rigid as you experienced the numerous floods of pleasure that overcame you. You were blissfully unaware of how hard your heels dug into his shoulders.

When you came falling back down, losing all control of your limbs as you lay limply in front of him, you panted to catch your breath again. You were vaguely aware of him standing and removing his own clothes before leaning over you again. He pressed his lips to yours and you could still taste yourself on his tongue.

He gripped your hips, sliding you a bit more off the table’s edge as he ran his hardened length against your core. You whimpered against his mouth, desperate to feel him fill you again. You sat up slightly, slipping your top over your head and discarding it with the rest of the clothes before you laid back down.

Reaching down between your bodies, you grasped him, running your thumb over the tip to spread the precum over it. Poe stiffened above you, breaking the kiss to rest his forehead against yours as he bit his lower lip. His eyes bore deep into yours, a silent agreement that you both urgently needed this.

You placed him at your entrance and guided him in, your hand moving to grip his waist as he slid in with one easy thrust. Your jaw dropped automatically in response, a silent cry of devastating pleasure.

He stayed there only for a moment, buried deep to the hilt, as he ensured you were ready. You wrapped your legs around him tighter, your hands trailing up his back as you grasped onto his shoulder blades in anticipation.

He moved against you quickly, setting a brutal pace that rocked the table under you. You clung to each other in desperation, your bodies moving together as he fucked you in the room where you outfitted for each flight.

His mouth moved to your jawline and below, trailing kisses and nipping at your skin. He slid his hand up to cup your jaw firmly, tilting your head towards him as he kissed you hard. He started plunging into you faster, his hips slapping against your own with a crude sound. A wrecked moan was dragged from his chest, and it drove you wild knowing you were the cause of it.

His fingers dug into your skin and you knew he was getting close. His rhythm started to falter, his touch getting rougher. You gripped his hair and pulled, biting down on his lip at the same time. He grunted, his hand slipping from your jaw to wrap around your throat as he squeezed. 

He released you and dragged his fingers down your chest as he stood up, pulling your legs from around his waist. He angled them to rest against his shoulder instead, his arm coming around to cradle your thighs together as he never left your cunt. He leaned forward against your legs as he started thrusting again, pounding hard down into your tight folds as he let his head drop.

It wasn’t long in this position before he broke, plunging to the hilt as he stilled. He turned his head and bit down onto the side of your calf hard, sending a shock wave of pain down your leg that melted into the pleasure you were already embracing.

Poe stood there panting heavily against you as he collected himself. His hand massaged your thigh, rubbing up and down. He lifted his gaze to meet yours, soft and caring, as he slipped himself from you and helped lift you up to a sitting position. You wanted to whimper at the loss.

He brushed your disheveled hair from your face, cradling your head as he pressed a long, indulgent kiss to your swollen lips. He held you there like that for some time before pulling back and enveloping you in a tight embrace. You slumped against him, feeling his cum drip slowly from you as you fought the urge to give into sleep right there in his arms.

As he released you from his grip, you watched him as he gathered the strewn clothing, straightening it out as he organized it on the table beside you. He popped your shirt over your head, helping guide your arms into the holes and pulling it down over your chest. You had never experienced such tender affections before.

The man in front of you held your heart without question. You wanted to be at his side every moment of every day, and any time spent apart only made you mad with want. You had experienced Poe Dameron inside and out, and you only craved more. You decided then, right here in this post-orgasmic afterglow, that should both of you survive this war, you wanted to marry this man. 

He dressed himself in silence, unaware of your analyzing gaze that lingered on him. You abruptly reached for him, pulling him from his efforts to get his socks on. He looked at you in confusion, your sudden need of him catching him off guard. You cradled his face in your hands and he reached up to cover them with his own, patiently waiting for any kind of reaction from you.

You choked on your words, your chest constricting as your nerves claimed the better of you. Your face must have said more than you could in that moment, because his expression changed. Try as you might, you stumbled over the words.

Poe leveled his gaze with your own, grabbing your attention from your panicked fretting.

“I know, baby. I’ve known all along.”

You let out a gasp you didn’t know you were holding in, tears welling in the corner of your eyes as you gripped his cheeks tight.

“It’s OK,” he reassured you. “It’s OK to say it.”

You nodded slowly, composing yourself. You could feel your hands vibrating with anxiety against his face. Your breaths were shaky. You realized you couldn’t let another day go by without saying it, not when death lurked around every corner.

“I fucking love you, Dameron. It's always been you. It’ll always _be_ you.”

You burned the image of his face at that moment into your mind. The sly smile that curved up his lips, the way his eyes twinkled as they gazed adoringly into your own.

He turned his head slightly, pressing a kiss to your palm. When he spoke, it was with a surprisingly confident, steady voice.

“If I’ve _ever_ done anything right in this world, it’s been loving you all this time.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, tears leaking out the sides as you leaned forward to capture his mouth in a needy kiss. You wished you could live in this moment for the rest of your life, comforted by the knowledge that you were his and he was yours.

You settled for loving it while you still could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ending - the last few lines - is one of my favourite things I've written.
> 
> Also, in case anyone wasn't sure, the songs posted for each chapter DO mean something. It usually references the general mood in that particular chapter but sometimes it foreshadows future events.


End file.
